its me!

Man, I have been trying to update for so long...I just run out of time.

I guess I have to go back a few weeks. I guess it was about the 12th of October or so, and I was beginning to make myself crazy worrying about if I was going to be ready or not for this show. Me and April were going back and forth talking about it....it was beginning to become so stressful. On her end, she had to lose a day off of work without pay...and just the whole money issue itself was getting me nervous. Don’t forget I had to fly (which was $225.00)..plus the room ($120 a night) and my suit getting restoned and the NPC card (90) and entry fee and tanning...so it would have been a really expensive time and without me really setting aside money for it and then on top of it all to worry about christmas right after...so we said lets just not do it this year.
But with this comes my brain doing a 360!

Some of my thoughts:

• How do I cope? I have no goal? What do I do? This has been all I have been thinking about for months!
• Cardio...I don’t have to do 2 hours a day now?
• Oatmeal? I can have my oatmeal back? I missed it so!!!• Im such a loser, I cant believe Im not competing this whole year....I tried to do 3 different shows and messed up during all of them.
• Why do I make myself crazy?
• I know what I want to do...I just have to do it
• I need more muscle I just don’t want to get on stage like I just lost weight.. I want to belong
• ooh...I don’t have to get up at 5:00!

So after all that....I felt ok....at peace...kind of. Because during all this me and hubby also decided to book a trip to Mexico for his 40th birthday. We talked about it back and forth and I was all excited cause I would be all thin from my show on the 14th and then two weeks later I would be all thin for mexico.....well now, there is no show....and my eating eased up a little....so now im not where I want to be for my trip! Ugh!! I hate being me sometimes!! Im so crazy with myself constantly...its exhausting! LOL!!!

So we are going to mexico the Saturday after thanksgiving...so im excited about that!

What else is going on ??? Mmmm.....not sure....nothing else really exciting....

Halloween was fun....we took my nephew out trick or treating..he was Woody from Toy Story...he kept saying he wanted me to be Jessie...but adult jessie costumes were 45.00 and I wasn’t spending 45.00 for an hour of trick or treating ;) But he was so cute and I just love his face!!! Even though he wouldn’t take a picture with me! Grr.!

I did make some cute cupcakes that I got from this fabulous blog and I wanted to try them...I think they came out really cute!!!I was a little impressed with myself ;)

So I guess that is all I got..but at least I finally blogged! Its only been nearly a month! I suck!

I will try and keep up....if there are any readers out there left ;)