Tuesday :)

It has been so long since i have posted...im such a bad blogger ;)

A short and sweet update is in order...

Thanksgiving was great.  Ate too much, of course. 

Saturday after thanksgiving was adam's 40th birthday....and for his birthday we went to Cancun :)  It was a glorious week long vacation filled with guacamole and pina coladas :)  I probably gained 10 pounds...which i know is mostly fluff from eating and drinking crap and its slowly going away.  I did make it to the gym 3 days out of the 7 but it probably didn't matter due to all the food....all inclusives  are good and bad...good that you dont have to worry about having all the extra money to spend on food and drinks but bad because some of the choices you make you wouldn't necessarily make if you were paying for it.  We had a wonderful week and had only one day of bad weather (which wasn't really bad...just cloudy and windy).

We spent the week there and on Sunday i had dinner for him and my family came over to help celebrate :)

So now its back to reality and back to the gym and packing my food.  I feel better now that im back on track :)

But with the holidays coming im going to have to really keep an eye on my food intake.

It felt really good to get into the gym yesterday.  I did legs.  today i did shoulders.

Now here is my issue for today.  I always seem to compare myself to others...case in point....there is this girl at my gym..i see her every so often. She is very lean and i know she works hard..but before seeing her i was feeling good doing my shoulder workout....then standing next to her and seeing how nice her arms are and her legs, etc...i wanted to kill myself (not literally of course) but i get so mad at myself....why cant i look like that?  I work hard, i eat fairly well (well not this past week) but you know what i mean.  I think sometimes that  i will never look like that...i hate thinking like that, but i feel like i will never look the way i want to. 

I have had this blog for how long now?  3 years?  and i still have the same issues...yes i got down to 102 pounds, and yes i competed twice...but i am still a mess...and why?  because instead of continuing to build on the foundation that i had, i ate. 

I dont want to go on this woe is me bullcrap but i need to just basically shit or get off the pot...as the saying goes. 

I need to realize that i cant have it both ways...i cant eat what i want and then expect to look good.  Why is it so hard for me to comprehend ?  I still want to eat things i shouldn't and still want to have a lean physique.,.it doesn't work that way...i know that.....yet i still do wrong??  Its such a viscious horrible circle that i have been dealing with for years and years.  I dont know what i think im missing...i know what chocolate cake tastes like, i know what chocolate tastes like....and its all mind over matter....i know all this....

i need to stop talking now.....cause im just rambling ;)

P28 Bread Review

Jeff from Nutribread was kind enough to send me a loaf of their incredible P28 bread.  I was instantly in love.  Taking the loaf out of the box and grabbing the loaf of bread and reading the nutritional information on the package it at first seemed too good to be true!  Can it be?  Can a piece of bread actually taste good and have 14 grams of protein in one slice of bread?  The answer is YES!!!!!  Now being pretty restrictive in my diet for so long a slice of bread is taboo in the figure/bikini/fitness world...well now it doesn't have to be!  My hubs was loving it too!  This is a total godsend!  Now, dont get me wrong, im not being super strict right now but even when i am XX many weeks out, i cant possibly see how this cant be incorporated into one's diet, once in a while??  



Here are the nutritional facts....not too bad huh?

Well i must also say that i got sad when the loaf was dwindling down....and hubs was trying to eat it all and i was getting very stingy and possessive ;)  So i went online on monday and i ordered a case (which is 4 loaves) and it came in the mail yesterday :)  2 day service to make it even better!!!  I froze 3 loaves and one is out.  It is so fresh and soft and it makes you feel like you are being bad by eating bread...but your not!  You MUST try this bread!!!  A case of 4 was only 20.00 and with shipping i think it was 26.00??  Honestly, i didn't care spending it because it is that good :)

Banana Walnut Crumb Muffins

I had 3 ripe bananas..i was looking for an easy recipe that i could make that i would be able to tweak a little to make it "somewhat" healthy.  I did...thanks to a blog that i found "Culinary in the Country" i made these

Banana Muffins :) 

I changed it up a  little bit to make it a "little" bit healthier...i did wind up using real sugar but I used I cant believe its not butter, and i added a scoop of vanilla protein powder to the mix.  Also, i added a handful of chocolate chips and i also added some walnuts into the batter...not just in the topping :)

Banana Walnut Crumb Muffins

For the muffin batter

1 1/2 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 large ripe bananas -- mashed with a fork
3/4 cup sugar
1 large egg -- well beaten
1/3 cup butter -- melted ( i used I cant believe its not butter)

1 scoop vanilla protein powder

For the Crumb Top

1/3 cup packed brown sugar
1 tablespoon flour
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1 tablespoon cold butter
1/4 cup finely chopped, toasted walnuts

Set oven to 375 degrees. Lightly spray a 12 cup muffin pan with cooking spray.

In a large bowl, combine all dry muffin ingredients (except for the sugar). In another bowl, combine the bananas, sugar, egg and melted butter; mix well, stir into the dry ingredients, only until moistened. Fill the muffin cups 3/4 cup full.

Crumb Topping: Combine brown sugar, flour, cinnamon; cut into butter until crumbly, add in the nuts. Sprinkle over muffins.

Bake 18-20 minutes, or until muffins test done. Cool in pan 10 minutes before removing to a wire rack.

Here are some pics...

Im not a food photographer...and i took them with my iphone....

I was pretty excited...they smelled sooo good while they were baking...and yes i had a half of one :)

the rest went to work with me and with hubby...

I was proud of myself...i am really enjoying baking....maybe I should start a food blog????  LOL!  

I will keep you posted with that one :)

happy wednesday

Some days are just better than others. And what im beginning to learn is that when i get my ass out of bed to hop on the treadmill, the day seems to start out so much better. I did only get in 26 minutes, but i also got a load of clothes done and i made breakfast and got our lunches together too....oh and took out the trash :)

Monday's workout was brutal. I must have gone heavier than i am used to because it is still hard for me to walk. Getting up and down out of my chair at work is a chore...and because i have to pee so much because of the water, its beginning to bug me.

I went to my sister's last night to see my nephew. I had a bag of frozen shrimp left in her freezer so i made that and a salad...they had pasta. I did have a meatball though ;)

When i got home from there, Adam wasn't home yet from taking Angelica to karate and to dinner (it was her 12th birthday yesterday...we celebrated on friday night since her b-day fell during the week). I decided to take down the Halloween decorations....ugh....it feels like i just put them up, and then i sat....and at around 9:30 i decided to get ready for bed....took a hot bath to soak my aching legs and that made me sooo sleepy! I think i was out cold by 10:15 or so....so i got a good nights sleep....hence me able to get out of bed...its the only way i can do it.

What i am discovering about myself is that i have this mentality that because i dont have a "show date" that i can just lay back and eat things that i shouldn't (i.e....the pumpkin cookies that my mom made on halloween or the harvest blend m&ms)...that is not me. I like being strict with my eating and knowing that what i am eating is good for me and is going to make me feel better and look better. so why do i feel as though i am "allowed" to eat those bad things? especially when i have a trip that i will be wearing a two piece bathing suit at in 24 days??? Yes, 24 days....and it will be here so quickly!

So i have decided to pull out my diet from last year around this time and do my best to continue to eat clean and get as much treadmill time as i can.

Oh and did i mention that i have my 20 year reunion on November 20th? yeah....dont want to go...i went to my 5 year and that was torture...

the thing is, the people that i want to talk to i do...and there is a reason that i dont talk to the other people i went to school with...and with facebook...i know what is going on in their lives...i dont need to see them...but my one good friend was president of her class and she is organizing the stupid thing so i told her i would go. UGH!

So i need to be good and not a bloated cow for the next few weeks....i think i can handle that ;)

I wanted to also thank Amyella for introducing me to a blog....dooce  She is a great, funny writer...,and she takes pictures daily of her kids and especially of her two dogs....nothing better than a dog in a halloween costume....check it out :)

its me!

Man, I have been trying to update for so long...I just run out of time.

I guess I have to go back a few weeks. I guess it was about the 12th of October or so, and I was beginning to make myself crazy worrying about if I was going to be ready or not for this show. Me and April were going back and forth talking about it....it was beginning to become so stressful. On her end, she had to lose a day off of work without pay...and just the whole money issue itself was getting me nervous. Don’t forget I had to fly (which was $225.00)..plus the room ($120 a night) and my suit getting restoned and the NPC card (90) and entry fee and tanning...so it would have been a really expensive time and without me really setting aside money for it and then on top of it all to worry about christmas right after...so we said lets just not do it this year.
But with this comes my brain doing a 360!

Some of my thoughts:

• How do I cope? I have no goal? What do I do? This has been all I have been thinking about for months!
• Cardio...I don’t have to do 2 hours a day now?
• Oatmeal? I can have my oatmeal back? I missed it so!!!• Im such a loser, I cant believe Im not competing this whole year....I tried to do 3 different shows and messed up during all of them.
• Why do I make myself crazy?
• I know what I want to do...I just have to do it
• I need more muscle I just don’t want to get on stage like I just lost weight.. I want to belong
• ooh...I don’t have to get up at 5:00!

So after all that....I felt ok....at peace...kind of. Because during all this me and hubby also decided to book a trip to Mexico for his 40th birthday. We talked about it back and forth and I was all excited cause I would be all thin from my show on the 14th and then two weeks later I would be all thin for mexico.....well now, there is no show....and my eating eased up a little....so now im not where I want to be for my trip! Ugh!! I hate being me sometimes!! Im so crazy with myself constantly...its exhausting! LOL!!!

So we are going to mexico the Saturday after thanksgiving...so im excited about that!

What else is going on ??? Mmmm.....not sure....nothing else really exciting....

Halloween was fun....we took my nephew out trick or treating..he was Woody from Toy Story...he kept saying he wanted me to be Jessie...but adult jessie costumes were 45.00 and I wasn’t spending 45.00 for an hour of trick or treating ;) But he was so cute and I just love his face!!! Even though he wouldn’t take a picture with me! Grr.!

I did make some cute cupcakes that I got from this fabulous blog and I wanted to try them...I think they came out really cute!!!I was a little impressed with myself ;)

So I guess that is all I got..but at least I finally blogged! Its only been nearly a month! I suck!

I will try and keep up....if there are any readers out there left ;)

see its another tuesday already!

Wow..its already a week since i posted last....

this past weekend hubby went away for work...i was so sad....it really makes you realize how much you love someone when they are not right there next to you...i had anxiety all day yesterday in work because he was supposed to come home on an earlier flight but it was cancelled due to weather and then his scheduled flight was delayed a few hours....so he didn't get home until 7:00 last night...and that was after being at the airport from 6:30 am!  I was so happy to see him....and i know he missed me too :)   So last night was fun :)

This weekend was also crappy from the standpoint that i still felt like shit and i wanted to rip my head off my shoulders cause i couldn't breathe and then i was coughing too....so running was out of the question....

weight was the same this week as last....so now im 6 weeks out and im behind.

Im feeling better now so cardio is back on but missing those few days hurt.  I had to send pics in to mike and i put in for a new diet on saturday....and usually he is good with getting it to me by sunday night so i could start it on monday....STILL DONT HAVE IT!!!!!!  So im still following my old meal plan but he better get it to me soon!

So that is kinda pissing me off.....


I did find out that Ava Cowan is doing the KY Pro show....so i would get to see her in person which will be incredible.....if i make it to Kentucky, that is.....im giving myself to 4 weeks out....im not buying my plane tickets until then.....if i dont see any improvements, i may have to just suck it up and not do it....i want to, but i dont want to get up there if im not ready.

Suit.....im re-stoning April's green suit.....i bought the hot fix stones to glue the stones to the suit....it is looking pretty good...except for the fact that when i went to put it on to take pics...like 5 stones came off!  That isn't good....so i dont know what to do about that???  Any suggestions would be appreciated :)

Other than that......hmmmm....oh....Erin Stern posted  some progress pics on facebook.... i copied them to put them on here...but it just makes me feel like there is hope for me.....even though im a lot older...im thinking i can change.....but its going to take time.....

Happy Tuesday :)

Not feeling that great today. Woke up with a sore throat :( I cannot get sick right now....ugh! My legs are aching a little from yesterday’s leg workout too...so getting up to go to the bathroom 800 times a day hurts a little :)

Well this past Saturday was 7 weeks out....OMG...im starting to freak out a bit....April says that we have until October 13th for our cut off date to see if we are definitely going to make it.

I watched some of the Olympia coverage over the weekend. Honestly, all of the competitors are amazing! No matter where you placed....just BEING in the Olympia or just QUALIFYING for the Olympia is an accomplishment in of itself. I look up to so many of them for their dedication and their commitment. If you ever lose your fire and want to give up, just look at them, there is no way that you don’t get it back! I would love to go to the Olympia one year and see it in person. It has to be incredible experience! Like the Arnold is...just seeing so many spectacular physiques in one place...what more could you ask for! I watched bikini and fitness on Friday and watched figure on Saturday....but went to sleep and I didn’t get to see who won until I got on the computer on Sunday morning. I knew, from seeing pics from prejudging that Erin was taking 1st. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love Nicole and would have loved her to take 1st again, but seeing them lined up, you knew that Erin should have taken it...she deserved it....actually, they all deserved to win and I would die to look anything like any of them.

my weight on Saturday was 113.4. Looking back at my blog from last year, at 6 weeks out (which is this coming Saturday, I was 109. So even if I come in at 111-112 this Saturday, im still behind weight wise. So I don’t know what im going to do about that.

I feel a little different this time around though?? I may have a bit more shape this time around...maybe a bit more muscle...probably not, but I have my fingers crossed on that one ;)

So this Saturday will be 6 weeks and I have to do pics again for mike. So diet will change again too.

Energy wise, im doing ok. Well today I cant count because I kinda feel like crap, but on the whole, I have not been overly tired. Getting up for my morning cardio is getting easier, I just have to get up a bit earlier. Right now, by the time I get out of bed and dressed, and take my supps and hop on the treadmill, It is almost 5:30, which only gives me 30 minutes of cardio...so I want to start getting at least 45 minutes in, in the morning...cause time is a tickin....PM cardio is 45-60 min.

Im getting plenty of food still....so im not really hungry...unless I don’t get my next meal in..then im a raving loon! My body is so used to eating every 2-3 hours now, that once I hit that time, if I don’t have my next meal ready...my body is telling me to eat!

This weekend I will also be on my own...adam has to go to Kentucky for work. I wanted to go, but really, there would be nothing for me to do there....and having to worry about getting my meals and workouts in while away would be too stressful. So I will be home for the weekend with the pup :) My mom will also be without my dad this weekend...he is going golfing in Florida...so I will have a family weekend which is fun....there is a farm in jersey that is having a pumpkin fair this weekend...so my sister wants to take my nephew...so we will go to that on Saturday...they have hay rides, and pumpkin picking...all that fall stuff which I love!!

Well I guess that is all I have for now....until we meet again :)

better

Feeling a bit better today....no more bashing myself ;) 

I will blame that TOM for yesterdays post!

Yesterday i wound up doing cardio at 3 different times of the day....

i got up in the morning and did 32 min..then went to the gym at lunch and did 27 min...went to my sisters...came home by 8:00 and then did another 40 minutes :)

This morning i did 20 min EMC on the bike and then went to the gym and did my back workout. 

I definitely think that im starting to get a bit leaner.  My pants are starting to get big..which makes me smile :)  Now, dont get me wrong, i still have a loooong way to to in the lower body fat department but i feel good today.

I have been noticing though that my tops are fitting me different.....and my bras....they are tighter...in my lats and in my arms.  I remember a post that Kari did a while back ( i cant remember where it is) that she was saying how she was needing a bigger size because of her back....now i am in no way comparing her awesome back to mine, but maybe....just maybe...there is a little bit of muscle underneath this layer of flub ;)  We shall  see i guess.

Today marks 7.5 weeks out......um......so much to do yet....im glad i booked the hotel at least :)

Im also hungry a lot faster recently.....maybe my inner fire is kickin ;)  burn the fat off please :)

thoughts

Well as i sit here at work im thinking to myself that im not sure that i can do what i need to do to be ready in a little less than 8 weeks.

I try not to think that way. Im trying to keep all of the negative comments out of my head. But its hard not to.

I think part of it is because right now im so tired and cranky and a little hungry (oh and i have my period).
Giving up is not an option. I know that....but sometimes i think that no matter what i do, im not going to be ready. And yet again, i am going to be going up on stage looking like a gross mess.

****

today was shoulders....my favorite.....i did get up for EMC...got in 32 minutes...then hit the gym for shoulders....

at lunch i went back to the gym and did 20 min on the stepper and i ran out of time and only got in 7 minutes on the EFX machine.....i wanted a total of 30 but hey, what can i do? I had to get back to work.

Im going to my sister's tonight...i have my dinner with me. I want to be home for 8 so that i can watch Biggest Loser which starts tonight....i want to get on the treadmill and watch it...i will be able to get through the session easier with that show :)

its Friday :)

Wow...for some reason i have all this energy and i just want to document it ;)  LOL!

I am copying a link from MD that Jessica posted on her blog.its a video of Cheryl Brown  6 weeks out from the Olympia....I love her...I got the chance to meet her at the Arnold and she was so sweet and her body is amazing!  Another reason that i love her is she is 38 :)  So there is hope for me yet!  LOL!

I didn't get up this morning for my EMC.  I was exhausted last night but because im a glutton for punishment i stayed up till 11:00 watching Jersey Shore...so when 5:00 am came, i couldn't move....and then i fell back to sleep and the next thing i knew it was 5:40 and too late to get dressed and down on the treadmill..i would have been on there for 10 min...so i got to the gym and i had a great chest/leg shaping workout!  It was all supersetted...one chest exercise with a leg exercise...so my heart rate was up the whole time!  I felt great afterwards :) 

Tomorrow is 8 weeks out....i feel really good today...i feel leaner and peppy, happy  and strong :)  I hope this continues!!!! 

I have to do my cardio today at lunch time since we are going out tonight for my mom's birthday.  And i have to stop and get wine too since there is a state store down the street.  So i will get probably 30-40 min of cardio done at lunch and if i get home at a decent time tonight, maybe i can do more.

Tomorrow my sister has to go to a wedding so i get to babysit my nephew :) 

love him!!!!

how does it happen?

Alright...now before i have a heart attack...i just checked the days countdown clock....58 days!!! 58 freaking days!!!!! WTF? Why is time going so fast!!! Slow down!!!!

So for the most part workouts have been good...eating good...cardio good...im a little tired sometimes...like right now...as i sit here chugging on a giant cup of coffee just hoping to wake up!

I have another cardio session when i get home....

tomorrow is my mom's birthday. we are going to dinner so i have to be careful. I will just ask for my chicken unless they have a decent fish... dry and have some veggies or a salad.

I just feel like i have so far to go and im never going to get there..im staying true and im digging deeper than i have in a long time to try and get to where i need to go. Saturday will be 8 weeks out. That is still 2 months. I can make some changes in that time if i just keep my head in the game. Patience, dedication and determination, right?

As soon as i got done eating my lunch i was starving again. Like so hungry that my stomach wanted to eat itself! I kept drinking water waiting for it to pass a little...it did...thank god...and now im drinking my coffee and i ate..then as soon as i get home i have to eat again and then do my cardio and eat again...and then before bed, i have to eat again! LOL! So im really not starving by ANY means...im eating almost every two hours...which actually can get annoying because if im working and my food sits by me at my desk and i dont eat it right away, the next thing i know, its almost time for me to eat again....case in point...i got really busy this morning and missed my 11:30am meal. Hey....maybe that is why i was so hungry after lunch? LOL!

what else???

oh, i did exercise ball exercises against the wall doing squats and lunges..they were actually kind of fun...i will have to do them more :)

I finished the first half of the 1st season of Glee on DVD! My sister got the second half ...im waiting for her to finish it so i can take it from her! Im so in love with this show! And now the second season is starting but i cant watch it until i finish the rest...so i will have to DVR it....

workouts so far this week have been:

Monday: 30 min EMC-gym-legs-pm 45 min
Tuesday: 20 min EMC; gym: shoulders-at lunch-20 min stepper, 10 min EFX(went to my sisters after work)
Wednesday: 20min EMC;; gym-back; pm-46 min treadmill; 20 min bike
Thursday: today--20 min EMC; gym--biceps/triceps PM cardio: 20 stepper, 20 treadmill or bike (not sure yet)

i guess that is as interesting as it gets for me right now.....

Happy Thursday :)

metabolism

I think that finally my metabolism is starting to catch fire....my body was just screaming for my 4:30 meal....of course i didn't have it with me...i had to, unfortunately, run down to the little store in my building and get a mini pro protein bar to hold me over till i get home :)  I hope that doesn't mess with my weigh in tomorrow ;)

cupcakes

I have been having this urge to bake recently...i dont want to eat it though???  I just feel a little creative and i have cupcakes on my brain....watching Cupcake Wars on Food Network has really made me think...i never have made a cake or cupcake from scratch....and icing from scratch.....i want to :)

I made chocolate chip banana bread the other day because i had 3 really ripe bananas that i hated to waste...so i made bread :)  I brought half the loaf in work, and gave Adam the other half to take into work...

maybe this weekend....we shall see :)

finally...a little update ;)

Wow....So many things...well I think I need to go back to the weekend again....Friday I got out of work early for the holiday so I decided to go over to a gym that is a block away from work and see if I could join for the next few months because it will just be easier to get to if I want to go after work, or at lunchtime...so I went there and joined..its only 50.00 a month with no contract so I just did it...they have a lot of classes that I want to look into taking too...they have kettlebells and urban rebounding and lots of spin classes....even at lunch time!  (Which I did take the spin class at noon on tuesday..the teacher was a maniac and I was soaked!...not good if you have to run back to work a big sweaty mess..but I did it anyway ;)....LOL) They also have a 30 minute class that is equivillant to P90X....I know it has to be hard!  I do want to try it out though :) So I joined and I worked out there on the elliptical/stepper for 30 min.  Thank god I had a Quest bar in my bag because I went too long without eating and I was shaking...so that got gobbled up quickly!! 

Publish Post

Friday night I actually went with my parents and my sister and hubby and baby to Bertucci’s pizza!  I had told Adam that I was having no cravings whatsoever and that I would be fine with a salad and chicken....and I also knew that I had to weigh in on Saturday!  I was so proud of myself...I didn’t even want anything...not a bite of one of the warm rolls they put out on the table...or when they decided to put the pizza next to me because I was on the end of the table....I didn’t even want it!  Which is really odd for me because I love me some pizza :) So I ate my salad with grilled chicken, dressing on the side and an iced tea. 

Saturday was great...me and adam got up early and we drove out to Wissahickon State Park where he mountain bikes...and I did my walk/runs on the fire trail.  It was so nice out and so many people were out enjoying the break in the weather!  So my thinking at the time was walk out about 30 min or so and then head back.  Well at the half way mark I saw adam while I was stretching...he told me to follow him up on the trails...so I did!  It was great!  I was huffing and puffing and climbing and running and I enjoyed every second of it :) So total time was like an hour and a half but I burned like 800 calories! 

Saturday night we had a 50th birthday party to go to.  Again, my eating was great!  There was food there but I didn’t eat or drink anything bad.  I did have a diet coke and my dinner consisted of a piece of chicken and some string beans!

Sunday....I don’t think I did anything exciting except I did do about 45 min of cardio and I did a short shoulder workout then I cleaned and all that good stuff.  We were going to take a ride down the shore just to do something but we just hung in.

Monday was the holiday....we went and picked up Angelica and we went to the park and hung out there and played a little bit then we went to the mall and then to Target and Staples to get her stuff for school.  We went to Applebees for lunch....I just got salad again with grilled chicken and stuff on the side. 

Tuesday was back to work!  I got up...did 27 min of EMC then I hit the legs hard!  At lunch time I went to spin class and let me just tell you that the teacher was a maniac!  For a 45 min class, man she really kicked it!  Tuesday night I went to my sisters for dinner.  I brought my dinner...shrimp that I picked up after work at TJ’s :) 

Wednesday I got up and I did another 27 min cardio...what is it with me and 27?  LOL!!!  Did shoulders at the gym and then after work I did 50 min on the treadmill.

Today–Thursday—25 min EMC–bike—and then hit the gym for back...I was so excited..I was doing the RG pulldowns and I saw my lats popping and my shoulders popping!  I was so happy...its so funny how something that may gross some people out makes me smile from ear to ear :)

Lifting weights and working out is something that has now become a part of my life...even though I may bitch and complain sometimes, I absolutely love it!  And when I start seeing things in the mirror...that just makes it sooo much better!

Diet overall is going great!  I have no cravings whatsoever....I have to check in on Saturday with pics...I want to be 115...I was looking back over my blog from last year and I was 111 on September 22nd last year....that is, right now a 6 pound difference...which is a big deal! And that is only in 2 weeks!  I need to just keep doing what im doing and see what happens...my body composition this time around I think is different too.  I did take measurements on Saturday so I can track that at least! 

So now im getting ready to go home from work...I will be cooking and then hitting the treadmill for my 2nd round tonight!

I still have tons of energy and I feel incredible...I just hope it lasts :)

quickie ;)

I have been MIA for over a week!  And with the holiday weekend that just passed, im really behind!

I would love to make this short and sweet but i want to try and document some stuff.  Hubby is going out tonight so instead of trying to rush right now and post something, im going to get my thoughts together and write something more exciting later ;)

Just wanted to post something real quick to let those who read me know that im alive :)

I shall return......

Monday--75 days

Wow..its over a week since I blogged. 

Nothing really exciting going on except cooking, cleaning, cardio, gym, and visiting my nephew and family. 

Friday I took off work and we took my nephew to the Camden Aquarium, then I ran to BJ’s and got some food in.   Saturday I took a ride to the mall with my sister and then Saturday night we went there for dinner.  I took mine. 

Yesterday I cleaned all day and my family came over my house for dinner.  I didn’t really cook..my mom made gravy and I bought ravioli and everyone ate over our house for once.  I never have anyone over..usually because im not the greatest cleaner.  I have other things on my brain than cleaning my stupid house.  I do the necessities....dust, vacuum, sweep, clean the bathroom, and wash clothes.. But doing that deep CLEANING....that hardly ever gets done....im such a mess.  And as im cleaning I get grossed out....over strange things that you don’t even realize that they are gross until you go to clean them....for instance...the paper towel holder...gross...so I had to clean that...the spice rack on my counter....I guess that just cleaning the counters doesn’t cut it....LOL!

So on the fitness front.....

I was down on the scale a little bit on saturday...which I am now 11 weeks out.   Right now, I think its 75 days to go.  And that isn’t a lot of time.  I have to try and figure out how I can get this fat off my ass.  Seriously.  I think I may have to really consider doing lower body 2-3xs a week to see if it makes any difference?

Im going on week 2 on the new meal plan.  So far so good...so by not this Saturday, but the following, which I will be 9 weeks out..pics are due and diet will change.  I want to send him pics this time that show some sort of change...there better be!!!
                                   
I am feeling good still energy wise.  I have been getting my cardio in everyday...even with my stupid foot that has been hurting me. 

I really need to take measurements this weekend...just to see if im losing any inches!!   

I was looking back at this time last year and I am about 4 pounds heavier than I was last year at this time.  But im believing that hopefully I put on a little bit of muscle and once I start leaning out more, it will show.    I hate the scale.  I hate that my mood depends on that number.  Im only weighing myself once a week.  When I get on that scale on Saturday, I better be minus 2 pounds...cause it needs to go!

So Friday, I got up, did 55 min of treadmill... it was mostly all incline walking.....again..because of the foot.....im trying not to run too much...the doctor told me to stop running all together but im still doing it a little bit when its not hurting me...finished up with some ab work.

Saturday-47 min of treadmill.  Then did some lunges, squats, and abs. 

Sunday-55 minutes of cardio...and some shoulders. 

Today I got up at 5:00 and I got in 32 min of EMC before going to the gym for legs.  Had a pretty good workout.  Food has been perfect today so far.  Its actually almost time for me to eat again :) Im eating every 2-2.5 hours, and my body is starting to know that...because once I hit that 2 hour mark, im hungry. 

Question: I am really trying to tighten/lose lower body fat....I have read that some do lower body work 2-3 times a week.  Right now im doing 1-2xs....do you think that adding more lower body work will help make a difference?? 

Im falling into the same problems that I had last year...because I ate like a water buffalo from November until January this year, all the work that I did is gone.  So now im starting over from scratch again.  And its not fun....at all....and I will NOT do that again. 

I am starting to learn.  It has taken me a long time, but could you imagine how much better I would be now if I didnt mess up so badly after the last show?  I could have been ahead of the game...instead im starting over just to try and get to where I was before. 

Im not going to dwell on it...its over and done...I will get back to where I was...and hopefully look better than before!

Thursday ---86 days to go

Well first off i have to say that i have been getting up the past couple of days at 5:00 am to do cardio....i feel so much better when i get up! I feel so much happier, i get more accomplished, i have time to walk the dog, get my food together, get adam's food together, make him breakfast, etc. Its amazing!

This morning i slept in the other bedroom....i hate waking up hubby with the alarm...especially since he is a light sleeper but he has trouble sleeping period. So i went in Angelica's room....i set my phone alarm....i never used it before....1) when it went off it was loud and it scared the shit out of me and 2) I couldn't focus my eyes fast enough to find how to shut or snooze the stupid thing! So that woke me up too! LOL!

I got up and did 27 minutes on the treadmill...i was hoping for longer but by the time i got dressed, took my supps, and got down there...the time went by quick.....but i got up :)

Today was biceps/triceps.....and i think i worked them pretty good...but who knows???

I cant believe this week is almost over already! Time is just going by so quickly!!!

I asked April if we should book our room in KY yet??? I think we should! EEEEP!!!!

I am feeling good today...i actually have been feeling great all week.....which is wonderful!!!

Last night we had tickets to the Phillies game.....sitting next to us was a guy with his son...they come in and they both have pizza....it smelled so good....then a couple of innings later they go and they come back with fries with cheese! Again!!! The smells!!!!! Soooo good....i was thirsty....i wasn't really hungry but smelling all the food and seeing people with ice cream and pizza and funnel cake and hot dogs...it was rough! So i was going to get something to drink....$4.00 for a small bottle of Dasani water....i refused.....that is just absolutely ridiculous!! So i chewed gum....and when i got home...i chugged a big bottle of water :) LOL!

Lets see....what else??? Saturday i have to get up early...i have to do my morning cardio, then take 12 week out pics for Mike....then i have a haircut appointment at 10:00...me and my mom are both getting our hair done :) A friend of my sister's is in hairdressing school so i have been busting them for her asking her when she was going to cut my hair (im glad i waited since she graduates in 3 months) So she has saturday morning open...i took it....i think its only like $20.00 (compared to where i get my hair cut which is $60) and im not doing anything crazy....i want bangs :) I have been thinking about it for a while....after seeing Kelly O's

hair...i have been wanting to do it too....so how badly can you mess up a trim and bangs??? (Fingers crosssed...LOL)

I guess that is all the news i got..... :)

I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes : ) "To be a champ, you have to believe in yourself when no one else will"

Last to first :)

Wow...its been a week already!

Things are going ok.  Im having trouble with getting my ass out of bed in the morning for cardio before the gym....

I will be 12 weeks out on saturday....I have a lot to lose in that time...Im trying to focus on the positive and have that goal in my head of how I want to look. 

Eating has been pretty good.  I have substituted a bar or a shake here or there instead of tuna...because honestly, if I eat any more tuna im going to gag!

I emailed Mike and he wants pics and I have to put in for a new diet then also.  He said pics every 3 weeks from here on out. Which is scary.  Because my weight is still so high and I have a lot of fat that needs to go. 

Yesterday was legs...today was shoulders. 

Im hungry all the time...even though im eating every 2.5 hours or so...which I guess is good because that means my metabolism is working ok. 

I can do this...I know I can....I have a new motto for myself (in my head only) Last place to first place!!!!  Repeating it over and over in my head....not that I am gunning and thinking I can get first but just to keep me going....Last to First :)

the only one stopping me is me!

Happy Tuesday! Another weekend has gone by.....i took a day off yesterday from work and working out....so now my schedule is a little altered...so today was legs. And let me just tell you...i had to do a giant set of 4 different exercises for the first half of my workout and damn, if my heart rate wasn't up there! WOW! I loved it!!! Tonight i have 40 min of bike :)

Im going to my sister's tonight after work but i want to try and get out of there early so i can hit the cardio and get my stuff ready for tomorrow.

All you coffee drinkers out there...do you still use creamer if you are prepping for a show? I have tried time and time again to drink it black...i just cant do it! Im using fat free creamer...and just about a teaspoon but is it going to hurt me?

Cant wait to work my shoulders tomorrow!!!! I have been really trying to work my shoulders hard and im trying to do them 2xs a week....usually tuesdays and saturday. Saturday's workout isn't that heavy but i want to try and do more :)

I have come to the conclusion that i am my own worst enemy....i have so many doubts and questions in my head all the time. I need to clear my head and just focus on what i want to accomplish and that is it...no clouds...no doubts.....just focus on what needs to be done, and stop doubting myself...i have been doing it for so long...the only one stopping me is me!

I have to be confident in myself and my abilities....what am i so afraid of??? I know i can do this! I need to believe in me!

It is only as hard as i make it out to be.

things can be looked at in two ways....negatively or positively, or as the saying goes, is the cup half full or half empty. I have always looked at things as negative. I think that with a happy, positive outlook, nothing can stop me! I need to realize that getting my ass out of bed at 5:00 to hop on the treadmill is only going to help me...not hurt me...yes it may suck, but there are plenty of girls getting up right along with me..doing the same thing....with November 13th circled on their calendars too!

I will do this....and i will be better than i have been....i love this sport...and i know that in time, i will find my groove and feel confident and secure and happy with how i look. Yes, i may be old (LOL) and crazy...but, as my husband says....fuck everyone else's opinion and do what makes you happy! And you know what? He is right! He supports me 100% and pushes me to do better! And that is what matters....doing what makes you happy, right?

Friday --99 days to go

Happy Friday!!

I didn't get up for cardio this morning but i had a pretty decent chest/leg workout at the gym :)

I was on Gina Aliotti's website this morning and i just got really inspired by Gina of course, but also from 2 of the girls who gina trains...Nikki and Jessica.  Both girls are competing but they just have this tremendous outlook and they are so happy and focused and excited...and it is totally contageous!  Just reading it,  I feel really good today...happy and ready to tackle the weekend :)

Her post today was about discipline....i copied a part of it.....

"Discipline is a matter of controlling the mind and choosing the action that is going to benefit you in the long run. By choosing your actions you can choose your results. By choosing your actions you can choose the life you create for yourself. Remember, we all are in control and have the power. Discipline is something that should not be looked at as a burden but as an opportunity to test yourself, grow and experience the power you have of self control and personal self awareness."

 How perfect is that????  

14 weeks out tomorrow!!!!  So excited to do this....and do it right.....no going backwards!  Full steam ahead!

Wednesday 101

They say things happen for a reason.  I think i just got handed a gift in disguise.  It was something that i was sad over for a bit...but then i decided to look at it as a positive thing, instead of a negative thing...and you know what?  I feel a lot better about it now.   Your mind is a very powerful tool...and it can be used to make you feel like shit and feel sorry for yourself....or you can say "suck it up" and just do what you have to do to get it done...

And that is what im going to do....yes, it may be a harder and longer road...but the end result i think, will make me happier :)

And that is my lesson for today!  LOL!

The end :)

*****

Well today was back day....i actually did some posing too....there was no one down there at the gym this morning..

I have to get rid of this ass.....i think me and the treadmill are going to be very close these next 14.5 weeks ;)

Monday-103 days

Morning!

Well weekend was pretty much a blur.  Didn't do much either.  Friday, stayed in, Adam went out for a little to help his friend, i watched Zombieland...which actually was pretty good...

Saturday, got up, did cardio, went to target, came home, made brownies for adam to take to the Jersey Shore party that i didn't go to, and then went to my sisters with angelica. 

Sunday, cooked, cleaned, did cardio, watched True Blood, went to bed. 

I lead such an exciting life don't i?

This morning i got up for cardio...i got in 25 min....then went to the gym for legs!   Now im at work....and its dead here...i think there are 5 of us in today??? this day is going to drag!!!!

Great Quote

If you want it - work for it. Go the extra mile, make the effort, make it count. Work...because wishing will not bring winning!

Wednesday-108 days left

See?  Soon the days will  be in the single digits!  So far to go body wise...

Anyway....tuesday and this morning i got up for EMC....still not early enough...yesterday i only got in about 20 min and this morning i only got 17...im trying....i did 40 when i got home too last night...cant forget that :)

Yesterday was shoulders, today was back. 

I dont think im going to go to that party on saturday.  Honestly, its too much work...LOL!  And then to have to worry about food, etc....im better off not going...so adam said he is going to just stop there and then i will be with angelica until he gets home. 

So what i have been thinking about is this....that fire...desire, whatever it is that drives you to do something.  Where does it come from?  What happens inside you that makes you want something so badly?  That nothing can stop you, that no one can get in your way?  That winning attitude, that focus, the strength? 

Athletes have it....maybe it has something to do with sports....if you played sports in high school or college.. you have teammates and coaches, pushing you, people in the stands rooting for you.  But what if you are like me?  Someone who never played sports, never really competed in anything.  You were just a normal person trying to do something so out of the ordinary..something that not many people want to do, or can do???  Something that some people think that you are crazy to do.   So do you just have to continually repeat it to yourself that you can do this?  That you are special?  That you can do anything!  That you are a winner!!!   

I find it facinating...and i want the secret :)  I have watched "the sport of figure" over and over.  Ava had said in one part (and im paraphrasing) that people would tell her that she couldn't do it and she wanted to prove them wrong!  Yeah, for the most part, i want to do that too...but to have that FORCE and FIRE to back it up...that is what is important and what is needed. 

Some days i have it....some days i dont.  I guess that happens with a lot of people but how do you say "this is it"  this is what i want more than anything in the whole wide world!!!

Just a thought ;)

Monday-110 days to go

Well its monday already!

Saturday was 16 weeks out and i had to send pics my trainer...they were bad...i knew they were going to be and its funny because usually i take 1000 pics trying to get the right lighting, making sure my hair looks ok, the suit is ok, etc....i took 4 pics...front, side, side, back...didn't care what they looked like and sent them off.  He must be like "what the hell has she been doing?  but hey, its easy money right?"  Im sure a lot of these trainers love the fact that you aren't following what they say and just continue to pay them.

Anyway...so i decided to stop wasting my money and to do it right.

 I got my new meal plan last night so i have to prep tonight and start tomorrow.  I hate starting on a tuesday, but i didn't have enough time to have everything ready for today...especially with True Blood on from 9-10 last night...and on that side note....the show is so freaking good this season!!!  I love it!!!!! 

But i did the timeline for my meals and workouts....its very, very, planned out and specific....and i really need to plan to do this right. 

Yes its going to be a pain in the butt, but im sure that if its done the way it should be, then it will work out great!  I just have to stick with it. 

Im not a great organized person.  And i have all the time in the world really.  I have no kids, and no other outside responsibilities except to visit my family and to keep the house straightened up.  I should be the perfect candidate to be able to get it all done.  I really need to plan and focus on what needs to be done and stop laying around expecting everything to be all done and ready.  I have to grab the bull by the horns as the saying goes ;)

The weekend was good.  Nothing exciting really.  We went to my sister's on friday night.  they ordered pizza which looked and smelled so good and i had a salad with avocado and chicken :)  I did have a bite of crust!

Saturday went food shopping and then went to my mom's later for a bit.

Sunday we went to our friend's pool and hung out there and then the sky darkened and it started pouring rain with thunder and lightening and all!  So our day ended kinda early. 

Next Saturday we have a party to go to...its "Jersey Shore" themed...and we have to get dressed...im trying to figure out what to wear but i want to get one of those bumpits for my hair and puff it all up and wear a lot of bronzer...and i have jan tana too ;)  LOL!
so that will be fun!

Today was leg day....no emc for me....i will do some cardio later.  I do plan on trying to get up to do cardio every morning this week....there is no reason why i can't right?

Thursday-115 days

Well its thursday already! I missed posting yesterday...things got busy i guess ;) Yesterday was back day. I didn't do cardio when i got up or when i got home either..yes i know, slacker already! Im not going to complain about it, just going to chalk it up to what to do better tomorrow :)

Tonight i have a consult for a cosmetic procedure that i have been contemplating for a while now. I want to find out how much it is because im sure that its going to be way to much money to even consider...but i want to find out. (and no, its not boobs...;i have enough boobs to share) So we shall see what happens tonight :) My appt is at 5:00 so im leaving work at 4:30 today :)

I am so pissed at myself...i was eating a salad with balsalmic on it and i dropped a piece of cucumber and i thought that it only fell on my pants....nope...drizzled all the way down my cute new express shirt :( I hope it doesn't stain...i wet it with soap and water...and now my shirt is all wet but it will dry quickly, i hope (anyway, fingers crossed it doesn't stain)

ooh and i made my own iced coffee today at work :) I took the old morning coffee filled a big cup with ice and ff creamer and splenda and it was yummy :) YAY!!

Today was arms at the gym....oh and i didn't get my ass up this morning either by the way :)

d-bell skull krushers
overhead cable ext
NG pushdowns
weighted bench dips
21's sissy bar
sissy bar curls
suipinated dbell curls
machine preachers

hmmm...what else??? nothing else exciting in my world....i will let you know how the consult goes tomorrow :) And maybe what its for?????

Tuesday--116 days to go

I was able to get my ass out of bed this morning to do some cardio...only got in 26 min, but its a start.  Then went to the gym and did shoulders. 


Front presses
inverted laterals
walkout pop push ups
rear delt rope pulls
behind neck press
rear delt peck deck
heavy 1/4 laterals

Tonight another 40 min treadmill. 

Oh last night i went to my mom's for dinner...so i didn't feel like getting on the treadmill so i just hopped on the stepper for 15 min....

feeling pretty good...i had a little bit of popcorn this afternoon. 

I put in for a new diet i hope i get my oats back...i dont mind the cream of rice that much though.  Its something different.

Tonight im making shrimp....yum!!!

Happy Tuesday!!

Monday-Back to it (117 days to go)

Well today im back...back to work, back from vacation...back to reality.

I am starting over of sorts....

I want to stop looking back at my past mess ups and focus totally on what is ahead. no more negativity.

Today was legs at the gym.

5 min warm up-elliptical
standing leg curls
lying leg curls
ws dumbell squats
leg extensions
one leg deadlifts
walking lunges
calves

tonight i have cardio and i have to cook. I was lazy yesterday and i didn't cook for the week yet. So tonight i have to cook up my chicken and string beans and rice and broccoli and all that other good stuff to get me through the week!

I did a lot of bad eating last week while on vacation...i know i wasn't going to be good. Especially being around my family....but its all fine and good...its a new beginning (yes i have had many new beginnings but...)

So here we are...day 1 (well its day 117....117 days till KY Muscle)....it will go by quick...i want to make everyday count.

I may take pics (not posting anything yet) but hopefully by the time i get to about 12 weeks out i will have enough balls to post something :)

This is going to be fun....im going to do this, and do it right....i want to be proud of myself again...i want my clothes to fall off me again.....i want to change for the better....

I chose this goal.....i will fight for this.....i know this takes work....and i will work for it....i am not going to just "show up" this time.....i will train, i will focus, i will change for the better....i will fight :)

Lets do this....

Happy Friday :)

Hi :)

Well this week has been crazy! For it being a 4 day work week..the work day has been dragging...especially because im on vacation all next week!!! Im so excited to be doing something! We are going to the Jersey Shore (no, not where all the fist pumpers are ;)...LOL) But Margate, NJ....with my sis and her hubby and the baby...and of course me adam and angelica...my parents are watching the doggie :) And then they are coming down the second half of the week...we are sund-wed, and then my parents are wed-sat. I hope the weather is nice...right now its raining here. But its so humid, i guess its expected.

I know eating is going to suck this week....im going to try and get some sort of physical activity in and im bringing my protein powder with me.

I dont think i will be able to do September show either now...cause im a moose....and then not eating on schedule for another week will really hurt me...so im making a vow to me and to all of my blog buds....150% effort will be taken from when i get home until November....which is KY Muscle....with April...again! And i will be stage ready....i can promise you that! No last place for me ;)

And that is all i have to say about that :)

************

I wanted to also say good luck to Genie and Becca at Team U this weekend!!! I wish i could have been there to cheer you on in person!!!! ((((HUGS)))) Have fun!!!!

Im here...im alive....just busy

I suck at this blog stuff ;)

Im going overnight tomorrow-friday to Atlantic City..and then the 11th-14th i am going to Margate with Adam, Angelica and my sister and her hubs and my nephew! I cant wait to play with him on the beach!!!

Eating hasn't been great but im still working out like a crazy person...which kind of pisses me off cause i probably have a little bit of shape underneath the fluff...im not going to go diet crazy while on vacation but i will be super clean after i get home!

Im going to bring my bands with me and hopefully be able to get some walks in too...adam said he wants to bring his bike down to ride early..i wish i had a bike :(

I ordered 3 bathing suits from VS....2 look like bras, so hopefully they fit...the other is a halter...with no underwire...not sure on that one....i hope i can keep one at least :)

So..what else?

Oh, this past saturday i went to prejudging for the Tracey Greenwood show( yeah, the one i was supposed to do)...the A class was HUGE! At least 12-14 girls, just in A...bikini wasn't good..they had about 8 total...caliber wasnt great....but the figure was...i would have been crushed...there were some, of course, that weren't good..but the majority was...

And i was sitting there by myself like a big oaf....and then I saw Shelly Albetta and her bf Nick..she asked if anyone was sitting next to me, and i was like, Shelly??? She said OMG! So crazy! i had emailed her earlier in the week and she was telling me that she was going and she told me to come find her and say hi! Well i didn't have to...she came to me :) She is cute...tiny...i think both of her thighs were the size of my one thigh!

But that was cool that i got to meet her...I talk to her on FB once in a while...I had started talking to her when I started training with Mike...so i had some questions, etc....she was really nice....

anyway...what else???

oh...i have to congratulate Becca and Genie on JR Nats....both looked incredible....I wanted to go to hang out with Becca in Hackensack next week, but now, since im going to the shore that weekend i wont be able to go :( Sorry Becca!!! We will meet one day!!! Promise!!!!...Oh and your shoot pics look amazing!!!

That is all i guess??

Happy wednesday!!!

ok...last one ;)

Well it seems that all i seem to do is bitch and complain..so i may as well continue :)

Why does the whole prep thing seem to come so easy for some people?

I think I must just come to the realization that I am just destined to be fat….seriously…...i have been working out with weights every day….cardio, sometimes 1x a day…sometimes 2…my diet is around 90% good….yes I have slip ups and eat crap I shouldn’t but mostly i eat good….i pack my food, I get made fun of, I don’t get asked to go places because they know I cant eat, and yet I look like I haven’t worked out a day in my life! WTF???? My ass looks huge, I can grab fat on my back….im disgusting.

I see some girls who are weeks and weeks away from a show and they already look wonderful...i look like i haven't worked out a day in my life....my ass is big, my arms are skinny fat and i have a pooch that if my pants were tight, i would have a muffin top.

Now dont get me wrong..im not saying that im huge...i am still fitting in my 4's but i dont look like i step foot in a gym! Its really starting to get to me. My weight was down a pound this week which was nice to see...but i cant really go by that because my weight fluctuates so much its ridiculous!!

Does it really take somebody to be 110% perfect every day in order to see any results?

I have so many goals in my head...but to accomplish them is something different. I want to, but i think i would be more gung ho if i saw some changes.

Yes, i have done it before, but i guess me thinking that it was going to be easier this time i am learning is sooo wrong....

I promise this time though that once i get to where i need to be i WILL NOT gain back all the weight again....this back and forth bull crap is for the birds and is not worth it at all....because i think it gets harder each time....

Please help me stay strong and not give up....i dont want to fail myself and anyone else who has faith in me.

In keeping with my last post ;)

Well i figured that since i have been inspired by her...lets do another :)  I may keep up this trend ;)

Well I think that finally my mind is getting back to where it should be!  I have been feeling really good recently and i hope to keep it up!  I have no cravings and im starting to get that tunnel vision which is so needed while trying to do this. 

Lets see....monday was legs...and then after work i went and did spin class....came home, made dinner and then later did some abs :)

Yesterday I was off work.  Me and Adam both took off...we made dentist appointments and dermatology appointments...so this was how my day went yesterday:

7:40-woke up

8:15 gym-worked shoulders

9:40-came home made breakfast

11:00-12:30-dermatology appointments***

***Im going off for a second....my dermatology appointment was a little troubling....i apparently have a mole on my back that is "iffy"  meaning that its a sun damage mole but she told me not to get too worried about it yet.  I has the "possibility" of it becoming something but to just keep an eye on it like once a month to see if there are any changes, etc....if there are, then i have to see her sooner, if not, then in 1 year.  It freaked me out a little bit....she asked if i tanned...i responded yes....1-2 times a week....she told me to stop....immediately and to not go back...and use sunscreen....which is what you are supposed to do...but me, i think im invincible all the time....and now look?  So im done....i will use self tan creams just if i feel i need color. I dont know if a lot of you tan but this has freaked me out enough to not do it ever again....

ok....

12:30-came home ate again....

1:30-went to bank

2:00 dentist--found a cavity....blech....i have to go back at the end of june....

3:30-ate again

4:30-hour of cardio

6:00ish--made dinner, ate and then took a walk to my sisters to see my nephew.  

9:00-came home from sisters

10:00 bed

so that was yesterday....but my eating was good and i had no cravings..which is a plus!

Today i actually got my ass out of bed and did some early morning cardio...which by the way, i must add, that TV sucks in the morning...its all infomercials!  LOL!  So i had to put my Gina Aliotti video on and watched her train legs :)

Then I hit the gym for my back workout....i also did another 10 min on the stepper...our gym has 3 steppers...i think 2 of them are broke...i keep forgetting which one is really broke and i keep getting on it...jackass!

So im pretty caught up now...oh yeah, and then monday night when i was doing some abs....i  was doing side crunches....and i just glanced at my side and my hip/side is so little!  I was like Damn!  i could be seriously tiny...which is what i should be...minus all the flub....you have to remember the fact that im only 5" tall!  I should be that  small....and my hips prove it :)  LOL!  I showed adam...i said...see!  this is how thin i should be!  He agreed :)  

And i have put in my head that i will not stray off my diet until my birthday...June 21st....which is only 12 days away, by the way....but i will have a little treat on that day...i will be good all day...maybe even have a decent dinner..but then have a piece of birthday cake :)  You dont think my trainer will mind do you???  LOL!!!

****now onto something that is only partly fitness related*****

My friends....we made "plans" a few weeks before Sex & the city 2 came out that we were all going to see it together....fine....well then sunday morning i get an email from my one friend and says "i know its last minute but a few of us are going to go to the movies to see SITC2 at 4:00 today..can you go?"  I was pissed...1) because not everyone was involved and 2) i had a graduation party at 2:00!  So i had to respond no...and then it was "well i can go see it with you again if you want"...but at that point i was like "no way" that wasn't the way it was supposed to be...so basically FU*  Im not going at all with any of them....

I was telling Adam and he was like i could have told you that you wouldn't be going with them as soon as you told me.....i knew they would diss you and go without you....

It is so hard..because we have been friends for so long but to be honest with you, we really have nothing in common anymore....the group i stayed with are all still single, except 1, who just had a baby but really acts as though she isn't married or has a baby....but for the most part, their lives consist of going out to bars or restaurants or just drink and do whatever....i am not into all that anymore.....

Being in this "fitness world" so to speak, i am closer with girls that live miles from me and i talk to them more than my friends here....April is a prime example....i talk to her more than ANYONE...yes it may be through emails and whatever, but she knows more about my life day in and day out than anyone...probably more than my husband and my family!  But i consider her a very good friend :)  And a lot of the girls on here that i have come to know so well and we all have the same goals and we understand when we dont want to get on the treadmill...or if something goes wrong at work and we want to eat something we shouldn't....we get that....others who aren't in this bubble dont get it...and they think we are crazy...which is fine..but its still a little sad that i still get made fun of for wanting to do this...i actually got this today in an email "your actually still doing that crap?"    But then i got an LOL and good for you..but i know deep down they dont understand and they think im crazy....

sorry...im rambling....but Becca's post made me realize that im so glad that i have you all  and that you understand my craziness and accept my craziness :)  It feels good just knowing that im not alone and i have support out there..no matter where you may live :)  Thanks :)