friday

Well here i am again :)

Last night i got in my hour of cardio and then i made dinner. Ate and then relaxed :)

I didn't get up for EMC this morning...but i will do it when i get home..

Im doing ok so far on this new diet...except for yesterday's gummy bear mess up i have been good. I really dont feel any leaner though...i hope i lose a pound at least!

Sunday is just shakes until my dinner...which is a free meal....im thinking of having my mom make gnocci or ravioli :) and for a little dessert.....as silly as it is, i would love a marshmallow crispy treat :) or a cookie..nothing crazy. I dont want to overdo it at all....its all about control right? But i need protien too...so maybe i will have a piece of chicken too :)

Today i had biceps and triceps....and i was soo loving seeing my little muscles moving(it was sooo because of the tank top)....it made me soo happy! I want more!!!!!!

I cannot wait until my refinance goes through...im paying off all my credit cards and im cashing out some to do some house stuff....i want these bills gone! Im such an idiot because i did this before and i opened more cards like an idiot and i got myself back into debt...but i will not do it again! No way in hell! credit cards are evil!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No plans this weekend....we are going to go to see the new pixar movie "UP" tomorrow in 3D...that should be fun....well minus me not being able to eat popcorn! GRRRR!! Cause i love me some popcorn! LOL!

Have a great friday :)

Yes its me again! Wow! 3 days in a row now! Can you stand it? LOL!

Anyway...lets recap my night...came home from work and hopped on the treadmill for50 minutes :)

Got done, stretched, and made dinner...flounder and broccoli and salad. Actually the flounder did come out pretty good despite the fact that i almost set it on fire by putting the fish on wax paper instead of parchment...ooops! LOL!

After dinner it was still fairly early so me and adam took a walk over my sisters to see the baby and had coffee....walked back home around 9 and i was hot and tired.....so i turned on the air conditioner, and then took a quick shower and hopped into bed....

This morning i didn't get up for EMC but i will just do the hour tonight....

dinner tonight is chicken and salad...my calories dropped for today and tomorrow....we shall see how i weigh on sunday....please let me loose something!!!!!!

Maybe i shouldn't have had those 5 gummy bears????? Those freaking things!!!! So hard to pass up!!!!! Im sorry...it happened.....cant take it back...well i can if i felt like throwing them up, but that ain't happening ;) I have no freaking control!!!! Well it actually could have been worse....i could have kept eating them...and finished the bag.....that would have been worse....

my jaw hurts from chewing gum.....i have to keep the gum in my mouth to keep me occupied :)

I hate having no willpower! Sometimes i am fine...but when its in my face, its sooo hard!!!

Its done...and over....how many calories could they have been? maybe 60 or so??? im fine. no more...i promise :)

wow...2 days in a row!

Attitude is everything....i am starting to really believe that....if you believe you are unstoppable, then you will be...if you stay positive and happy, you will be :) And i am really focusing on being positive :)

I like it!

Anyway....this morning i got up and did 30 minutes of EMC....it would have been longer but i had to put clothes in the dryer and fold the few things that were in the dryer from the night before, so that took some time away...but that is ok...at least i was up! Then i went and woke up Adam and then took the dog for a walk.

Got to the gym and did shoulders. My favorite :) When i get home i am going to do another 45 minutes of cardio and then make dinner and then relax!!!

Im really liking my new diet (so far)....its not bad at all...but the next few days are going to get tougher.....my calories start to drop until sunday...then i get my free meal...which i cannot wait for...but its good because i weigh in sunday morning before it.....i dont know what i want yet.

well i guess that is all i got right now!

Oh, i dyed my hair back dark again last night....its still not dark enough but at least i dont have black roots with blondish hair ;)

lets try this again.....from the beginning

Hey! Well by my new calculations....this saturday i will be 9 weeks out.....lets try this again :)

The holiday weekend is over already and its already almost June! Its crazy! Which also means that my birthday will be here in a few more weeks! God, I cant believe I am going to be 37 years old! How the hell did that happen?????

Weighed in Sunday...114.4.....needs to be lower but im doing what I can....I got my new diet and I started it yesterday....hopefully I will have a drop in weight by my next weigh in on Sunday :)

Im still undecided on what to do as far as what show to do. Part of me wants to do August AND September not just September....I guess we will have to see how I lean out from this new diet.

What else is going on??? Nothing really.....We had Angelica from Friday-Sunday and Saturday we went to see Night at the Museum 2. It was really cute....I still liked the first one better I think ;) We went to Bonefish Grill afterwards.....I got grouper fish...never had it before..it was really good! I had that and asparagus...that bread smelled sooo good!!!! Why am I such a carb freak? I could really eat the whole bread basket myself if I was allowed!! Thank god I have enough sense not to.

I got behind on my workouts...I didn’t go to the gym yesterday which was supposed to be leg day, so I did that today and tomorrow is shoulders (which should have been today) but I just figured I could combine or eliminate my chest workout this week....I really don’t need more chest!

So that is about it...oh and I went and bought a new propane tank for my grill because I thought it was done....well it wasn’t...it was the grill itself that was bad....so half way through making my turkey burgers, it died! And I had to finish making them on the stove in the frying pan....I was in such a bad mood cursing and banging shit around..LOL! I was really mad.....now I have to get another freaking grill!!!! My brother in law was saying “just have your parents buy you a new one for your birthday”! I didn’t even think of that! So they said they would....good cause I don’t have the money for one right now!

I guess that is about it....

Day 2 on new diet.....so far so good....I got cereal and milk this morning!!! WOOO HOOOO!!!!

Leg day—went really well.....still have to do my hour of cardio tonight since I didn’t get my ass up this morning because someone kept me up until almost midnight last night ;)

revelation...LOL!

Last night i was on the treadmill and a little angel text messaged me to keep pushing myself.....so back and forth we went and it made the time go by so much faster....thank you tina :)

Got up and did my EMC for 30 minutes and then hit the gym for my back workout! And shy little angela actually did something she has never done before.....i wore a tank top to the gym! Yes, i know, not a big deal...but for me it was! And i almost didn't leave the locker room because i was worried....but i did....and i know im mental about my self image and all but every once in a while, i saw little muscles working....and that made me feel really good and happy! I did assisted pull-ups (which weren't on my sheet) but i did 4 sets of 10....im trying really hard to keep lowering the weight on there so that eventually i will be able to do unassisted ones...i got down to 40...which i guess would mean that im using 60% of my own body weight??? Which is progress for me....cause i was doing 80 and 70 before....i will get there ;)

So i am at work right now.....two ladies (i hate that word..but i guess i cant use "girls") that i work with got take out from this bar/restaurant near here....chicken fingers and french fries.....so i was walking by and it smelled really good..the one girl asked me if i wanted one...i said no thanks...of course.....but at first i was like "ooh i wish i could have them"....and then i stopped myself....and said to myself.....i would rather see my abs :)...that is more important to me....and you know what? It is so true..if you look at things that you are giving up all the time, you are going to get upset over it and feel deprived and mad that you cant have it....but you know what? I dont want it.....it is just crap food that will go straight to my ass and it is sooo not worth it....so i guess i am learning....its taken me a while....but it is finally sinking in......i am doing this to better myself and eating that crap is not going to get me where i want to be.....so let them eat it and let them get bigger and bigger and complain about being overweight......i sooo dont want to hear it....oh and the best part of it all is that the one girl who is sitting there eating it is the one i was saying a few weeks ago that she eats mcdonalds every morning (still does...gross) and then proceeds to tell me yesterday that she bought "Slim in 6" from the infomercial but she doesnt know when she is going to start it....LOL!!!!! I am going to say....never.

Wednesday

Hi :)

I am starving today for some reason! I want to eat my hand! LOL!!

Anyway...things are going good.....yesterday was shoulders and i got in 75 minutes of cardio...i got angry yesterday though....i was doing my shoulder presses...and usually i can press 25lb dumbells in each hand for 6x....well for some reason...not sure if it was because i did a few other exercises prior to doing them, but i couldn't for the life of me get those 25s up! I wanted to ask one of the guys down there to spot me but felt stupid...so i just didnt do it...but i was mad at myself and went up to the shoulder press machine and did 60 for 6 :) I felt better after that!

Today was chest...i didn't get up for EMC though this morning.....i will do an hour tonight!

i got my nails and my toes and my eyebrows done at lunch today! My tosies needed it bad!

Food has been good...execpt for the couple of twizzlers i had yesterday afternoon....i dont know why or how it happens....but it did...and its over.....100% clean today :)

Cant wait to get my new diet on friday :)

Going to see my nephew after work today...love that face!

Be Positive :)

Hey! Well the weekend went by way to fast again!

Didn’t really do anything too interesting at all.

I must have been PMSing big time yesterday... I wanted to eat everything in sight! I had a little “binge” if you want to call it that.... I had some sourdough pretzel bites and a few m&ms..and 1 cheese curl and some walnuts and trail mix. (I forgot the trail mix April..LOL)

Today is a wonderful new day and I am changing my outlook...I am so tired of downing myself and calling myself fat and gross and lazy etc (yes I do that to myself constantly) and I am going to stay happy and positive and focused! I have to stay this way.....otherwise I am going to fail. No doubts about it!

I talked to Tony and he is going to be switching up my diet on Friday to start it on Monday. I am so excited because I need a change.....and it is supposed to give me a cheat meal once a week.. He wants to see how my body responds to it.....hopefully it will!!! I weighed in yesterday and it was still 115.2....i guess maybe that was part of why I ate the way I did too....frustration???

All I know is that I know what I want....and I am so tired of talking about it and reading about it. Really, I am!!

So I am going to push my body to its limits.....I am going to give it my all.....and lets see what happens ;)

**********

Today----got up and did 30 minutes of EMC this morning before the gym.....at the gym I worked Legs. Tonight I will do another 45-60 of cardio.

I am feeling really good today and my energy is up...so I want to take advantage of it......

its friday!!!

Weeks go by so fast...yesterday i had to work at a fundraiser for my boss and help out with everything..it was fun. But i was exhausted when i got home...i was like a little zombie....and i know i should have rounded up the strength to do my cardio..but i really didn't have it in me at all.....i didn't even feel like eating. I laid on the couch all night. i was asleep before 10:30.

I didn't get my EMC done either..i wanted to sleep....and i did and i feel better. I had biceps today at the gym....which was great...so tonight i have to go home and do my cardio like a good girl :)

I am leaning out some....but not my lower pooch....it looks silly....im like boobs, lean torso, and then belly.....i hate it!

Im out of glutamine and vanilla protien so i have to go at lunch to get that at Vitamin Shoppe. I also started taking BCAAs....

I also didn't take any food with me today except breakfast....im out of everything,..so i have to get some grilled asparagus and chicken at the place downstairs. their grilled asparagus is really really good....i hope its only grilled and doesn't have a bunch of crap that its marinated in though.

This weekend i have no plans...which is good...i want to go and see Wolverine tonight but im not sure yet.

Looking forward to Tina and Marissa, Melissa and Tasha competing this weekend!!! Good Luck Girls!!!!

oh well....i knew it was coming

Im kinda bummed out today....im trying to stay positive about it but i know its for the best.

I got a chance to talk to Tony yesterday...had a great talk....he wanted to know where my head was..if i was ready to win :) I told him that i really didn't think that i would be ready in 7 weeks...so he told me to get pictures to him tonight and to let him decide....but in the meantime to look and see if there were any other shows that were a little further out. But he also needed to know if i did have to hold off for another show, would it upset me? Would i loose focus? I told him no...i dont think so....he wants me up there to be a winner...not just be up there for the fun of it...which is hard for me to think like that because i really dont feel like i could win?? What I mean to say, that i never really thought of myself as one of those competitve people who just push themselves to death just to win....i like the process and i like the goal....would i want to win---hell yeah, im not going to lie, but for that to drive me to the stage? no! And maybe that is my problem?? Not sure.....

So needless to say, i sent him pics last night.....talked to him this morning and he thinks that i have too much lower body fat right now and to have to push myself that hard for the next 7 weeks and kill myself trying to get lean enough, and then still not getting where i need to be, he thinks i should wait....i know i need to, too...but it still sucks! This is what happened to me last year!

But i need to be strong and to stay strong and focused.....now, my only other issue is the shows....tracey greenwood has another show in DE on August 1st...which is an extra 4 weeks prep....or the Atlantic City Pro/Amateur which i think is a pretty big show...and might be too overwhelming for me to do??? Not sure though! That would be a big goal show for me to do! That is a major goal...a lot of pros do that show....that would be awesome just to see them backstage! LOL!

The only good thing is that since we are going for a later show that my cardio got cut to an hour .....i am still going to continue to do more cardio though...because i think that is what is going to lean me out the most....my lower body has a lot of fat to get rid of.

So i texted tony and told him i need a game plan.....we shall see what he says ;)

supposed to be 7 weeks out? LOL!

So much to write and so little time ;)

I haven't posted since thursday. I am the worst!

Lets recap....Friday...EMC-30 minutes---gym---triceps and abs...after work---45 minutes cardio, made dinner (protein pancakes) and then watched ANTM with Angelica.

Saturday---60 minutes EMC done...didn't do ab workout....went to a communion party---i was a good girl....only ate chicken and string beans....the string beans were almondine and probably had a little more EVOO in there than i would usually make it but it was all i could eat there so i made the best of it.....i was going good not eating anything until my damn sister breaks me off a piece of her chocolate chip cookie! WTF!!! It looked so good and it was only a tiny peice ;) So i ate it :( But then i put gum in my mouth so i wouldn't eat anything else! Saturday night we were going to go to the movies to see Wolverine but we wound up eating dinner later than usual (chicken and broccoli) and by the time we got done eating it was after 8:00! So that went out the window...so we wound up watching Hancock (which we had bought on blu-ray and never watched). I liked it...the special effects were cool.

Sunday----yesterday-----got up, made breakfast, did cardio, my ab workout, went to dinner for my mom.....again i was a good girl for the most part.....didn't eat the yummy bread basket that was enticing me with the pizza bread in it! OMG! It looked so good! I got ahi tuna with avocado salsa for appetizer that i split with my sister...and then i had sea bass and asparagus for dinner. no dessert...just coffee....oh i did have a piece of cantalope...and 3 grapes.....

and now i wonder why my weight was the same this week! 115.2

Talked to Tony this afternoon....we had a good talk. i told him my weight wasn't moving (but that was because of me) and i feel like im not doing what i should be. It is all my doing....i know that..so i need to stop beating myself up...i need to stick exactly to the meal plan and do exactly what he says and see what happens....he wants pics tonight to decide if i will be ready for the end of June. I said i dont think i will be...he asked if i will be mentally be able to handle it if he tells me i wont be and to pick another show. There are only two other options for me....August 1st...the other Tracey Greenwood show in Delaware.....and the Atlantic City Pro/amateur in September. Its all a matter of how bad i want it i guess???

He asked me to stop weighing myself everyday and to just weigh myself on sunday mornings. I really need to though because i really get myself all bummed out and i hate myself just by the number on that fucking stupid scale! I really have to stop it!

So we are going to stay positive....and eat what i am supposed to eat...nothing else....no more nibbles! (He called me a nibbler...LOL) I am! And it is what is probably most likely killing whatever im doing at the gym...it needs to stop! If i want to be lean and mean, i need to stop picking and i need to start weighing my food more! I think i also may be eating more than i am supposed to.....

Example...breakfast....i was putting a teaspoon of chopped walnuts in there.....had to stop that. Or a teaspoon of almond butter...omg that was so good! I tried that the other day wth my oats! SOOO good! Could that really be hurting me? I guess so!

If this is what i want to do (compete) then i need to do what it takes right?

We shall see!!!!!

Hello :) Its almost friday!! YAY!

Anyway....my lazy butt snoozed too much this morning and i missed doing my EMC :( Yes i know, i suck and im stupid but hey, it happens.....cant go back in time....i had a great back workout at the gym this morning though! I did get in 80 minutes last night too...watched two episodes of LOST on ABC.com :)

Tonight is more cardio....lucky me! I know you are all jealous and you all want to do more too! LOL!!

Nothing else exciting going on.....but why is it so hard for me (or just women in general) to build muscle? I want/need more desperately!!!! Come on body!!!! Cooperate!!!!!

Adam said as i was getting changed for bed last night that he can tell that im leaning out :) My waist always leans out nicely....now if my butt would just follow.....

better

Feeling much better today....actually a lot better....i got an hour of cardio in last night...i broke it up into two 1/2 hour sessions....made it easier.....got in 32 minutes of EMC this morning....had a great leg workout.....i didn't have deadlifts on my sheet but i added 3 sets of 12 into the mix ;)

Going to my sister's to see the baby after work...then im going home so i can finish my cardio :)

I really need a tv down there with the treadmill...it would make the time go by so much faster!

Tuesday-5/5/09

I dont know if i should be posting right now because I feel like Mrs. Crankypants...but since i have a little time i guess i will.

The weekend was nice....nothing exciting except i was proud of myself on saturday...adam wanted sushi so we went and i didn't think i was going to be able to make it out of there without eating rice but i ordered a bunch of sashimi and some grilled shrimp skewers and i was fine. I got a side salad too with ginger dressing. That made me happy that i didnt have to give up my sushi...i just compromised it a little.

Workouts have been good....getting all my cardio in....

Just having some money and house issues....and its hurting my brain! I want to refinance so i can get a lower interest rate and to pay off my credit cards...my credit score sucks and im having trouble getting the refinance to go through. Then i started looking for a new house before the refinance goes through and that is getting to be a pain in the ass too! Im so indescisive with things and i cant just make a decision and stick to it.

Then back to training......i didn't get my EMC in this morning because i took tylenol PM last night before bed and i was a log when the alarm went off and i couldn't move...so that didn't get done...the weather is crappy and i dont feel like doing anything.

The show im supposed to do is in 54 days. How the hell is my ass going to be ready by then? Then i get upset thinking that im never going to be ready to get up there and why do it, etc.

But then i get like April and tomorrow i will be fine and happy with rainbows and roses...LOL! So i dont want to be like this....

Text messaged with tony...he lowered my oats and took away my ketchup! I like my ketchup! LOL! I have to call him.....

Anyway...that is where my head is....its everywhere! And i cant concentrate and i want to just forget everything and just sleep!

PS-Weigh in for Tony yesterday was 115.4.....today it was 114.8...im not getting to excited over it because my weight fluctuates so badly that tomorrow i will probably be 117!

Also---i bought a suit from Jodi....its really pretty :) Now if my ass fits in it that would be a plus ;)

TGIF Peeps :)

Let's see....well first i have to give a shout out to my fellow blogger buddies who are competing this weekend...Becca, Abby and Jen! Good Luck!
*****
My night last night:

Came home from work and i did 30 minutes on the treadmill...came upstairs, made dinner, watched a little tv.....went back down and did another 30 minutes, came up, did some abs while i watched The Office and then went up to take a shower :) After my lovely shower i watched about 25 minutes of The Biggest Loser which i DVR'd (is that a word? LOL) and then went to sleep! But I did get up this morning and got in 30 minutes of EMC before the gym....then at the gym I did another 10 minutes on the elliptical and then did my triceps workout :)

At lunch i did steps again in the fire stairwell....floor 23 to 28 double stepped...then ran down to 15 and double stepped with 3 pulses on each leg all the way back up to 28, stretched, ran back down to 15 and then just double stepped back up to 23. 20 minute quick little jolt!

I have gone to the bathroom i think so far today about 10-12 times already and its only 2:45! I actually have to go right now and im dancing in my seat...hold on...i will be back...LOL!

Ok...much better!

Tonight i have to straighten up my living room and my bathroom and then get in another hour of cardio!

We have angelica tonight so then when she gets there i will make dinner and then we will watch ANTM together :) I cant wait to see it!

I feel a little leaner today..im afraid to weigh in.. he wants my weigh in on monday morning but i may just weigh in tomorrow to..just to see ;)

Well i guess thats all i got right now....