Well its monday already...weeks just go by so fast anymore....
Feeling pretty good today....saturday and sunday...not so good. I was just getting down on myself again for not doing what i should food wise again. I do this to myself all the time. I am constantly fucking up and blaming other circumstances on it. Then i am constantly comparing myself to others. I look at pictures of people who are further out than i am show wise and they look 1000 times better than me, and i get upset and depressed and want to give up. Yes, i know i need to stop comparing myself to others, i am me, yadda, yadda, yadda.....
I was talking to adam about this...he thinks that i put this time frame in my head and if im not where i think i should be that i think im bad. I just see that deadline and not just doing what i need to do every day. Im looking ahead too far...either saying i have plenty of time or whatever but really i dont. I do that every time..you would think that i would learn????
He thinks im not doing all that i could be....and deep down i dont think i am either. He said if i want this bad enough that i will do whatever it takes...because the girl standing next to me on stage did what she had to do.
He has given me so many pep talks over the years and he is always right. I dont give myself enough credit for one, and i dont push myself as much as i should. Positive and negative. I think that its hard for me to progress somewhat because i can only do so much in the gym by myself. I can only lift so heavy without someone to spot me. So that is an issue too.
I need to change things up a bit....i want to take some classes at the gym to shake things up...kickboxing or spinning or something....
So that was this past weekend.....and i got my period yesterday too...so i know where all those thoughts were coming from.....LOL! ..but today, i was feeling a lot better! I got up, did 20 min on the treadmill this morning...went to the gym and shredded my legs...food was 100%...came home did another 40 min cardio on the treadmill...ate, went to my moms to see my nephew...came home and now im going to do the stepper and some abs...then bed!!!
I hate complaining....i really do. I chose this..i love this sport....this is what i want to do...and if i love it so much then why do i sabotage myself constantly??? That is what i keep asking myself? Do i think that i dont deserve it? Do i think deep down that i will never be able to look like i belong up there? Yes, i think that is it.
Another thing that adam said to me that stuck with me after i said i should just quit all of this not compete anymore and just work out and eat decent and just be normal....he said to me "you look good, you look better than most of the girls around here."
That is when i said "im not content with looking ok...i want to be better than that!"
So I guess i just answered my own questions, huh? One part of my head knows it....and so does my heart....my heart just has to win :)
Monday, March 29, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
Friday :)
I was playing all morning with blogger :) Like the changes???
So, i had my ultrasound done yesterday. I have cysts on both ovaries. One large one and two small on the right and one big one on the left. It was a little scary seeing those big black circles on the screen. The tech told me not to get too upset. She had them a while back and then a few days later they were gone. I have to wait until tuesday for the doctor to get the results and then we will take it from there. I am going to have to up my gyno appointment which should be easier now because of the circumstances. Because right now my appointment is May 10th. I would rather get it taken care of sooner than later. My sister had them too. She actually had them so bad that they were twisting and basically strangling the one ovary and stopped blood flow to the one ovary and she had to have one removed. So maybe its hereditary? I dont really have any pain right now which is good so i will see what happens on tuesday.
I came home and i was feeling a little sad and i told adam and he was worried about me too and gave me a big hug, which made me cry. I was fine though until he hugged me ;)
I wanted to soothe my pain and eat something i shouldn't...i wanted sushi so bad! Adam talked me out of it though. I was supposed to eat eggs but i was out so i just had some chicken and string beans :) Still healthy and clean. :)
And im so glad now that i didn't go and eat that...especially after just reading the post that Pauline Nordin wrote titled "pride"....i think she was calling me out...LOL! Because i see myself in a lot of what she was saying : Just because i was sad or stressed shouldn't be an excuse to eat something i shouldn't be. Thanks Pauline :)
So now, im off to Trader Joe's to get me some eggs and butternut squash :)
So, i had my ultrasound done yesterday. I have cysts on both ovaries. One large one and two small on the right and one big one on the left. It was a little scary seeing those big black circles on the screen. The tech told me not to get too upset. She had them a while back and then a few days later they were gone. I have to wait until tuesday for the doctor to get the results and then we will take it from there. I am going to have to up my gyno appointment which should be easier now because of the circumstances. Because right now my appointment is May 10th. I would rather get it taken care of sooner than later. My sister had them too. She actually had them so bad that they were twisting and basically strangling the one ovary and stopped blood flow to the one ovary and she had to have one removed. So maybe its hereditary? I dont really have any pain right now which is good so i will see what happens on tuesday.
I came home and i was feeling a little sad and i told adam and he was worried about me too and gave me a big hug, which made me cry. I was fine though until he hugged me ;)
I wanted to soothe my pain and eat something i shouldn't...i wanted sushi so bad! Adam talked me out of it though. I was supposed to eat eggs but i was out so i just had some chicken and string beans :) Still healthy and clean. :)
And im so glad now that i didn't go and eat that...especially after just reading the post that Pauline Nordin wrote titled "pride"....i think she was calling me out...LOL! Because i see myself in a lot of what she was saying : Just because i was sad or stressed shouldn't be an excuse to eat something i shouldn't be. Thanks Pauline :)
So now, im off to Trader Joe's to get me some eggs and butternut squash :)
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Happy Thursday :)
Hello :)
I am alive and well ;) Well for the most part I am...today I am having an ultrasound done...no, im not pregnant....I have been having this pain in my lower right side for over a week now. On Monday I went to the doctors and he thinks that it is probably just a cyst on my ovary. But wants me to have the test done to be sure. I was thinking it was my appendix at first but usually the pain escalates into greater pain quickly and this wasn’t getting worse. I usually do get pain when I ovulate which is what I thought it was, but after it lasting for 3 days, I started to get worried because the ovulation pain never lasted that long! So at 3:30 today I have to go get the test done. I have to drink 40oz of water without peeing...that should be interesting...especially since I pee every 20 minutes or so...im going to be dancing in the waiting area...LOL!
What else is going on? Training is going good....food has been on target and my weight is slowly going down. Not as quickly as I want it to but it is finally moving...and the only reason I think it is finally moving again is because my diet has been perfect. Man, when they say diet is the key, it is totally the truth! I always have the mindset that one little extra bit of ___ wont effect anything....WRONG!!! It does...so that extra rice cake, or that hershey kiss, or that half of meatball that you ate over your moms the other night....it all adds up....especially on the scale :) I am finally learning my lesson.
I am trying to take one day at a time, one meal at a time. Im not hungry at all...im getting plenty of food and I am allowed to have a shake if im starving.
Pics are due next week along with my diet changes...hopefully I will get my oats back...cause I miss them terribly :)
I have so many parties and things coming up. I have to be sooo careful and just suck it up and take my food with me. April 3rd is my niece’s 2nd birthday, then easter is the 4th..then the following Saturday is my nephew’s 2nd birthday..then on April 24th is my cousin’s daughter’s communion (im the godmother)...and it’s at this yummy italian restaurant.. www.maggianos.com. That one is going to be tough.....I cant eat a thing there....hence, packing my food like a weirdo. That is the only part I don’t like about show prep. Everyone making comments about why im not eating or why I have my food, etc. I have been through this before, don’t get me wrong, but really, it gets old quick. I really don’t have a thick skin and my feelings get hurt very easily...and Adam gets mad at them quickly. He doesn’t show it to anyone but then he says stuff later. He is totally picking up for me and its great...but I just suck it all up and don’t ever open my mouth. Hopefully no one will say anything to me. (Fingers crossed).
And Adam has been really trying to add more lean muscle too. Its so funny...he keeps accusing me of shrinking his shirts....I keep telling him I don’t dry anything of his cause I don’t want to hear him! I told him well stop taking Size On and lifting like a lunatic and maybe your clothes will fit!! LOL! Man, I wish I could gain some muscle :) Im still such a wuss ball!!!!
Yes, I know...it takes time.....I just want those nice tan, toned arms this summer :) Oh and a small ass ;) LOL! Ooh...speaking of small asses.....on bodysport.com, Meriza DeGuzman does this cool butt exercise...I want to try it :)
Well I guess that is all I have for now.....
So far this week training was this:
Monday– am–legs, pm-55 min cardio, abs
Tuesday - 30 min EMC-gym-shoulders
Wednesday - am-back, pm 40 min cardio, abs
Today-am-arms, pm-cardio
What else is going on? Training is going good....food has been on target and my weight is slowly going down. Not as quickly as I want it to but it is finally moving...and the only reason I think it is finally moving again is because my diet has been perfect. Man, when they say diet is the key, it is totally the truth! I always have the mindset that one little extra bit of ___ wont effect anything....WRONG!!! It does...so that extra rice cake, or that hershey kiss, or that half of meatball that you ate over your moms the other night....it all adds up....especially on the scale :) I am finally learning my lesson.
I am trying to take one day at a time, one meal at a time. Im not hungry at all...im getting plenty of food and I am allowed to have a shake if im starving.
Pics are due next week along with my diet changes...hopefully I will get my oats back...cause I miss them terribly :)
I have so many parties and things coming up. I have to be sooo careful and just suck it up and take my food with me. April 3rd is my niece’s 2nd birthday, then easter is the 4th..then the following Saturday is my nephew’s 2nd birthday..then on April 24th is my cousin’s daughter’s communion (im the godmother)...and it’s at this yummy italian restaurant.. www.maggianos.com. That one is going to be tough.....I cant eat a thing there....hence, packing my food like a weirdo. That is the only part I don’t like about show prep. Everyone making comments about why im not eating or why I have my food, etc. I have been through this before, don’t get me wrong, but really, it gets old quick. I really don’t have a thick skin and my feelings get hurt very easily...and Adam gets mad at them quickly. He doesn’t show it to anyone but then he says stuff later. He is totally picking up for me and its great...but I just suck it all up and don’t ever open my mouth. Hopefully no one will say anything to me. (Fingers crossed).
And Adam has been really trying to add more lean muscle too. Its so funny...he keeps accusing me of shrinking his shirts....I keep telling him I don’t dry anything of his cause I don’t want to hear him! I told him well stop taking Size On and lifting like a lunatic and maybe your clothes will fit!! LOL! Man, I wish I could gain some muscle :) Im still such a wuss ball!!!!
Yes, I know...it takes time.....I just want those nice tan, toned arms this summer :) Oh and a small ass ;) LOL! Ooh...speaking of small asses.....on bodysport.com, Meriza DeGuzman does this cool butt exercise...I want to try it :)
Well I guess that is all I have for now.....
So far this week training was this:
Monday– am–legs, pm-55 min cardio, abs
Tuesday - 30 min EMC-gym-shoulders
Wednesday - am-back, pm 40 min cardio, abs
Today-am-arms, pm-cardio
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Wednesday
Wow...its been over a week....nothing exciting to write about.
My life really is pretty boring....and repetitive. Food wise, workout wise, cardio, etc. Days just go by and nothing really changes.
Looking at my little countdown clock I will be going into the double digits soon. Which is sort of freaking me out. Saturday will be 14 weeks out. I want to make it this time.
April is sending me her suit! I cant wait to get it! Not that it will fit me right now, but I tried it on the day of KY Muscle so I know it fits....which is cool...she was trying to get me to wear it but I was worried that something would unhook or something because I wasn’t used to it ;)
I have been trying to get up for early morning cardio again. I always feel so much better when I do but laziness takes over sometime and I just don’t move. I started taking Superpump on Monday. I want to see if I gain any strength from it...I also want to see if I gain any weight from it (im hoping I don’t). I also have Size On that I wanted to try too..but that I think will make me gain??? Not sure.
Diet is kind of boring....I miss my oats. It changes in two more weeks...which means pics are due too! I want changes!
I am also crashing right after my weight workout for some reason? I get super tired! Working out is supposed to give you energy! LOL!!!
I was trying to do a time line of what I have to accomplish in the next 15 weeks....I have my work cut out for me! I want to lose at least 1.5 pounds a week for the next few weeks and then hopefully at least a pound a week! I carry a lot of lower body fat..and it all has to go!
My thoughts go from focused and excited to stressed and sad. I think when im overtired and don’t want to move, I get discouraged and want to quit. But when im happy and feel good, I feel I can conquer the world! I hate that emotions play such a crutial role in how you look at things.
For instance, the other day I was feeling low and wanted to quit and I was complaining and feeling like I was too old to be doing this, why am I doing this to myself, I will never get to where I want to be, etc....
But I talked myself out of it.....I WANT this....this is my choice! No one is putting a gun to my head and saying that I have to do this! This is only the beginning! Its going to get so much harder towards the end! I have to get over this now and be strong!
The mind is a very powerful tool...and it can be used for good and for evil ;) Staying positive is difficult to do every day. Especially when that alarm is going off at 5:00 am and its dark out and your doggie and hubby are snuggled in the bed....
I have been watching “the Sport of Figure” with Ava Cowan on Gaspari Nutrition’s website.....I watch it for motivation....I keep watching it...different episodes...over and over....I try to think like her....anything is possible....is what she says....and its true.....who is to say that I can’t do this? Its all up to me!
My life really is pretty boring....and repetitive. Food wise, workout wise, cardio, etc. Days just go by and nothing really changes.
Looking at my little countdown clock I will be going into the double digits soon. Which is sort of freaking me out. Saturday will be 14 weeks out. I want to make it this time.
April is sending me her suit! I cant wait to get it! Not that it will fit me right now, but I tried it on the day of KY Muscle so I know it fits....which is cool...she was trying to get me to wear it but I was worried that something would unhook or something because I wasn’t used to it ;)
I have been trying to get up for early morning cardio again. I always feel so much better when I do but laziness takes over sometime and I just don’t move. I started taking Superpump on Monday. I want to see if I gain any strength from it...I also want to see if I gain any weight from it (im hoping I don’t). I also have Size On that I wanted to try too..but that I think will make me gain??? Not sure.
Diet is kind of boring....I miss my oats. It changes in two more weeks...which means pics are due too! I want changes!
I am also crashing right after my weight workout for some reason? I get super tired! Working out is supposed to give you energy! LOL!!!
I was trying to do a time line of what I have to accomplish in the next 15 weeks....I have my work cut out for me! I want to lose at least 1.5 pounds a week for the next few weeks and then hopefully at least a pound a week! I carry a lot of lower body fat..and it all has to go!
My thoughts go from focused and excited to stressed and sad. I think when im overtired and don’t want to move, I get discouraged and want to quit. But when im happy and feel good, I feel I can conquer the world! I hate that emotions play such a crutial role in how you look at things.
For instance, the other day I was feeling low and wanted to quit and I was complaining and feeling like I was too old to be doing this, why am I doing this to myself, I will never get to where I want to be, etc....
But I talked myself out of it.....I WANT this....this is my choice! No one is putting a gun to my head and saying that I have to do this! This is only the beginning! Its going to get so much harder towards the end! I have to get over this now and be strong!
The mind is a very powerful tool...and it can be used for good and for evil ;) Staying positive is difficult to do every day. Especially when that alarm is going off at 5:00 am and its dark out and your doggie and hubby are snuggled in the bed....
I have been watching “the Sport of Figure” with Ava Cowan on Gaspari Nutrition’s website.....I watch it for motivation....I keep watching it...different episodes...over and over....I try to think like her....anything is possible....is what she says....and its true.....who is to say that I can’t do this? Its all up to me!
Monday, March 8, 2010
im back!
Hello :) Im editing this post to add my pics in :)
I took off for Indy on Thursday morning...thank goodness we left on time...arrived about 9:30 or so and I called April to let her know that I landed...she was already on her way!!! We drove to Columbus only stopping once or twice?? Cant remember....but we made pretty good time. Checked in to our luxurious hotel...NOT...and hung out...we went to some stores to get some snacks for the room :) I think we were asleep before 11:00 pm....man we can hang cant we?
Friday we went to Cracker Barrel for breakfast...of course we were good...oats with protein powder and I had egg whites too :) I did have a biscuit too ;) Expo was super crowded....I was actually a bit overwhelmed at times...being on the shorter side and being squished between a shitload of men who don’t care who they bump into...there were times where I was starting to get anxiety...and I had to move out of the way. Like trying to get to BSN...I told April...I will wait for you over here...and I just waited it out.....I was afraid I wasn’t going to be able to find her! But I did :) We met up with Stef and Tracy and the beautiful Ms. Kelly O :) We are BFF’s ya know ;) It was really cool meeting her finally...especially since we had a failed attempt last year! She is so super sweet! I felt like have known her for years!!!! And I also met Hillary and Tara too!! So happy to have finally met them! Tara is so tiny!!! Which gives me a little bit of hope that I can get there too!!! You talk to these girls everyday online and then when you meet them it makes it so much more special :) I wish we would have all been able to hang out longer :(And I also met Mary....she is so sweet and her smile is so sincere and she too is so super tiny! It was so cool meeting her and her daughter who looks so much like her! So cute! Congrats on your placing in masters :)
I also have to give a shout out to Kari Keenan...I came across her on Siouxcountry and I have been reading her blog throughout her prep and she placed 4th in her class! She looked incredible!! Congrats Kari :)
We watched the first round of the Pro Figure Prejudging....I cant even try to explain how incredible each and every one of them were! So beautiful and elegant and their bodies are amazing and their suits! WOW is all I can say !!!!
Friday night we went to Outback and I had a super headache so we went to Walmart so I could get something to get rid of it. Then we crashed!
Saturday we got up, ate, and headed back to Indy :) She showed me around town and then I headed back home!
I had such a great time with my bud!!!! But I did miss hubby a little ;)
So anyway...that was my adventure....now back to reality.....
Im so looking forward to getting back into it hardcore for the next 16 weeks so that I can get on that stage on June 26th! I have a lot of work to do but I know that I am going to do it and be the best me that I can! And as a reward for my efforts...we are planning to go on vacation the day after my show...mexico :) Yes, I know...mexico in the end of June beginning of july...it will be super hot...but its always hot...I will deal with it....if he can...he said that if I do the show we can go if I want to....and it will be an extra incentive to buy some cute little bikinis to go away with since I will be all thin :) LOL!
I didn’t get up for EMC this morning but I will be doing it in a bit after I get home... did 70 minutes yesterday afternoon and I had legs this morning at the gym. So I have my work cut out for me...hopefully I will be where I need to be.....I should just get lipo and not worry about all this fat....it would be a lot easier :) LOL!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
One More Day!!!
Pssst.....Hey...Arnold....you need to move the show to somewhere warm....like Miami :) LOL!!!
I will be back on Saturday....and if im not too tired, i will post pics :)
Bye!!!
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