Well i think part of me is starting to panic a little and then the other part of me is saying im fine :)

Saturday i will be 9 weeks out....i am doing two liquid days... tomorrow and friday....if i can make it two days!

I think my biggest problem is the cardio! I love the weights...but the cardio is what i need to lean me out...i know this....so why cant i get it all in???

If i want this, i need to get up and get it done...that is all there is to it. I know this..i just have to do it. Saying and doing are totally different things! I need to do it :)

Today was chest. My least favorite but i do it to the max....like i try and do all my workouts....but the cardio...i just dread it!!! Plus i have to do 15 minutes of stair walking!!!

I have a lot of work to do these coming weeks....i dont know what got me started on this crazy journey....(mmmmm...APRIL...LOL) But im in it now....and i am going to do something that is soooo far out of my comfort zone...but i am determined to get on that stage!!!! And its the day after Halloween!!! Think of all the candy i get afterwards...LOL!

Slacker!

I said that i was going to try and post everyday...and look! Almost a week! Well lets try and recap!

I was off work Thursday and Friday. Thursday we took a ride to the beach with Angelica. Friday i was supposed to have jury duty...that got cancelled, so i went to the gym, then i went to Social Security and the DMV and finally got my name changed! Then me and my mom and michelle and the baby went to the mall. Oh and this was, by the way, a liquid day for me...Tony asked me to do it on Friday, so i got through it ok, i guess.... Friday night, stayed in and me and Angelica watched the Cheetah Girls!

Saturday went to Linvilla Orchards and then took Angelica home and did nothing Saturday night...we were bored...sat and watched "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry"...It was ok....had its moments.....Adam loves Jessica Beal...so he was happy....i think she is pretty but not all that he was making her out to be. Whatever! LOL!

Sunday---did my saturday workout-biceps and triceps and cardio.....then cleaned, cooked, and then went to my mom's for dinner. That about sums it up! You didn't miss much!

My tooth is still bothering me...i think its the crown that i have...something isn't right. I am going to see if i can go on friday since i get out of work early for the holiday.

Which i cant even believe that its already Labor Day!!!! Where the hell did the summer go????

My sister started back to school today..it was the first day she had to leave the baby! She is probably dying right now....she has been crying and dreading this day!

Today was legs....i really pushed myself today with them too! And believe me, in the next day or so, i wont be able to walk! And Tony told me he is adding extra leg work to my weekly workouts...so god knows what is going to happen!

I weighed in on Saturday and my weight was actually up a pound to 115.6...which i dont understand because i had the liquid day on friday :(

I only have 10 weeks to go....i really hope i can do this, on this go around! It seems so impossible sometimes....im staying strong and we shall see what happens!

tuesday

Well i had legs this morning! I almost killed myself with the smith machine doing narrow squats. I think im all strong and try to push myself....had it up to 205lbs and i got to 4 and my back curled and i thought i was going to break something...so i panicked for a second and then just turned the bar to lock it and get off...I think i really could have hurt myself, but i didn't...I hope im not too sore tomorrow! I need to lower my weights back down for a bit....i dont know who i think i am...LOL!

I really want to start leaning out...im hoping to continue to see changes in myself over the next couple of weeks....because if i dont, i dont have a prayer in november! I was looking at one of the blogs i read Noel from Leanbodies...she has been at it a while i know, but her pics are 14 weeks out and she looks like she can step on stage tomorrow!!! Then i feel like a joke thinking that i can compete. Seeing that and then looking at me! Kinda gets me down...but im not going to let it. I know that i am probably just going to come in skinny for my first show.....i just want to get there!

I emailed Stacy and told her that i was doing the show in November and she said that we will be able to get together in October for posing. She is doing the Atlantic City Pro and the Olympia in September...so she will be free in October. Im hoping to get to go and see her in AC! That will be cool!

monday

I think i need to make weekly goals for myself to keep me straight :)

Yesterday i had a little meltdown and started crying for no reason. I think it was because i was in the house cleaning and cooking all day....but didn't feel like i was accomplishing anything. Then my mom told me that she was going over my sister's house to make homemade pasta and they were all eating over there for dinner. I was just feeling sorry for myself for not being able to be "normal" and eat what they were eating. They said "well just bring your food over" which is what i normally do, but for some reason yesterday i just knew i couldn't be around it...so i stayed home..ate my fish, string beans and salad and then did my hour of cardio like a good little girl ;)

That is what needs to be done....i need to stay strong!

I emailed Tony my pics yesterday....he is going to call me this week....should i be afraid???? LOL! I kinda am.....i only have 11 weeks to go and i really need to start seeing some major changes or i will never be ready.....i hope he thinks that i can do it....i dont want another let down...

ok, so my goals for the week:

1) 1-2 gallons of water a day
2) at least an hour of cardio a day
3) weigh in on Saturday---112.5 at least :)
4) get my ass out of bed at least 3 times for EMC
5) take pics on saturday


I think thats it...i really want to try and take weekly pics, just to see if i can see any changes....not to necessarily post but just to have.

I had shoulders this morning....i love seeing the little cuts in my arms as im doing shoulders...too bad they go away when im done....LOL!

I just ordered more protein powder....chocolate peanut butter...one of my favs!

Thats all i got for now ;)

weigh in

Well today i weighed in....114.6.....ok i guess...for now....im 11 weeks out as of yesterday...so we shall see....im probably guessing that i will have to come in around 103-105 so thats about 10 pounds in 11 weeks...so hopefully it will happen....i took some pics...they are ok...i actually took some first without makeup and i was SCARY!!! So i went up and put some on...LOL!





Yes, i know, i have some work to do....i do have a little bit of muscle...i guess you just cant see them in the pics ;)

Friday!----77 days to go!

MAKE EVERY DAY COUNT!!!!!!!!

Its Friday!!!

Today was biceps and triceps! I sometimes feel so strong doing bicep work...then i try and lift something heavier....and then feel so weak!! im pushing through though...day by day.....

I had back yesterday...forgot to post that....i went to my sisters for dinner last night but made sure i was home by 8 so i could get cardio in....did an hour of cardio and then had to cook my oatmeal, broccoli and string beans...then hopped in the shower and hit the hay....got up for EMC this morning too before the gym :) Only got in 30 minutes though...but its better than nothing right?

Tonight Adam has to work so i think i am going to do something constructive with my time...i am going to try to clean up the basement a bit and make the workout area a little more cute :) Then i have to do cardio.....but at least i dont have to worry about making dinner for 2 :)

Oh and i have to get some new music on my ipod...its making me crazy! It seems as though im skipping through every song anymore....im so tired of the same songs!!!

Tomorrow is weigh in and pics...and measurements....stay tuned.....

thursday

78 days! OMG! See how fast time goes! And my ass has to look something somewhat close to that!!!! Man, i have work to do! LOL!

I really have to weigh in on saturday and take pics and measurements...i haven't taken pics since june! Not that i have really made any changes i dont think, but just to keep track!

I have to really start getting to bed earlier because i cant get my ass out of bed in the morning!!! April even wakes me up!!! What the hell!!!! I really need to get up because i dont want to be having those thoughts when comp time comes closer that "if i only got up on those mornings, maybe i could have looked better!" I dont want that! I want to look the best that i can!!!

OOOh...i found a pic of Eva Longoria and i love love love the color of her hair...i was just trying to find pics of it online and i cant find any right now....i will have to keep checking...but that is the haircolor i want.

Staying positive

It is really hard to stay positive all the time. When you mess up and nibble on something your not supposed to, or you dont get up early enough to do your cardio, or you look down and see your fat roll on your stomach. You get down on yourself and feel like a failure. This is not how a figure competitor lives....she does not cheat, she does not have a pooch to look down at...she gets up at 5:00 am no matter how tired she is and how much her legs hurt. That is what needs to be done. So why do i do these little things that hinder my progress???

The honest answer is i dont know...i know i want this! I want to compete and i know what has to be done to get there. But i think what happens is that if i look at pictures of girls competing or on bodybuilding.com, and i see how good some of these girls look and they are ?? weeks out and they look amazing already...im not even CLOSE to that! I know it takes time and work and i am not expecting anything different....my whole thing is i sometimes feel that it is never going to happen...that i am never going to get to the point in my life where i say "damn i look awesome" (you know what i mean)....so maybe subconsciously i nibble or dont do the cardio, etc.

So i am 12 weeks out....Saturday is 11....time is a ticking....i am staying positive...i am getting my workouts in....i am getting most of my extra cardio in (more can always be done) and i will see what happens....that is all i can do...i am still pushing myself to be the best that i can be....and i am mentally trying to change my outlook on things...so instead of looking at my fat roll and get depressed, im going to look at it and say goodbye to it, because it wont be there much longer ;)


Ok....Im done being dramatic.....now back to normal....

I had chest today. Chest is not my favorite...it is actually my least favorite. I dont need any more chest than i already have..LOL! But i do it and i push myself and i try my hardest...that is all i can do right?

Tonight when i get home from work i have to run to the store to get some food in the house....and then i have cardio to do and food to cook :) Ah, the joys of competition!

Monday-legs

I woke up late this morning, so no EMC....but got to the gym and had a great leg workout! I squatted 175 and my plate loaded leg press was 185! I cant wait until i can put 2 45lb plates on each side of that machine :) Im getting there!

I have to really try and get those two cardios in every day!!! I have to really start to lean out...i was 12 weeks out as of saturday!!!! My one piece is done too...i just have to pay for the rest of it and she is going to mail it...i cant wait!!!

dang!

This week flew by! We went to the shore Wednesday-Thursday....we did the waterpark on thursday..i wish we could have stayed longer...but this is how expensive everything is....i added up what it cost us just to go overnight, which included the room, food, everything.....$470.00...yes that was just for one night!!! Isn't that crazy? I dont know how people with families go for the week.....i guess you just save up all year to go on vacation! Ridiculous!!!! Oh, and I almost got hit with the tram-car...LOL! Anyone familiar with Wildwood, NJ would know what im talking about!

Friday i got up, worked out(biceps and triceps), and me and angelica went to the mall with my mom and michelle and the baby and we went to Applebees for lunch. I love being home from work :)

We got an exercise bike today...so that will be good...change it up once in a while! Today is 12 weeks out!! This is going to be awesome! I cant wait to really start seeing changes and getting excited for the stage!

Happy Anniversary April!!!!

Monday

Monday's motivation :)

Well the weekend went by way to quick! I started my new diet today. So far so good...i was full at lunch eating my food....now i have the munchies...why is that???? Im really not hungry...i want to pick! I wont though...i promise :)

Today was chest....i tried to work it as hard as i could...because i really dont like doing chest too much...but i pushed through it :)

My sister had a BBQ yesterday...i had a turkey burger without the bun and some beans and some shrimp. There were a couple of cakes and fruit out...i had a couple pieces of fruit, but that was it :) I shouldn't have had the fruit either but everyone was saying how sweet it was....so i had to taste too :)

Then we had to go to a wake. My cousin Tommy's wife's mom passed away...so we had to stop there....so sad....

The day before my show is Halloween..i am probably going to have a few coats of tanner on.....April told me to get a green wig and be an ooompa loompa for halloween..>LOL!

It would probably scare the kiddies :(

I guess thats all i got right now......88 more days to go!!!

weigh in

I weighed in for Tony yesterday....115.4.....

He is changing up my diet too for the next couple of weeks....he wants 2 pounds gone by next weigh in....

I still have to do pics.

i was up early this morning and did my ab workout and cardio...still have more cardio to do.....fun.