It just amazes me that how just a few days makes such a difference in your outlook. The other day when I felt like crap from having sinus issues and my period...I wanted to quit and give up and it was all over. Then now, just two days later, I feel like I can accomplish anything! The past three days my eating has been 100% and it makes such a difference. I feel leaner, I feel more alert, happy, and strong. Such a difference. I need to keep up the pace and stay focused and confident.
I really don’t know what is going to happen with regard to the show at the end of June. This Saturday will be 8 weeks out. Im not sure that I will be able to get lean enough in 8 weeks. Im going to play it by ear right now. I have to do pics in two more weeks. If I can stay consistent for the next two weeks and hopefully make some gains and if pics look ok and he says that maybe I can get there, then so be it...but im not going to get all crazy and upset and give up. There are plenty more shows to do. There is one in August in Delaware, then in September in West Chester and I would love to do KY Muscle again in November...so we will see what happens...im not stressing over it. I have a lot of work to do and I need to get a lot leaner so I will just take one day at a time, right?
This morning was back at the gym....I like working back because its one of my stronger muscle groups :)
Im going to spin class tonight at 5:30...cant wait!!!
Im just glad that my head is back on straight....and I will just take it one day at a time :)
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
****disclaimer**** Im PMSing ;)
Where do I even begin? Since I haven’t posted since last Monday, its throwing me off a bit. Let’s see.
Monday legs at the gym–took spinning class at the gym after work..I loved it! I think I found a new love :) Even though it kills my butt! I need to find one of those padded seats....
Tuesday–26 min EMC-shoulders at gym...Tuesday night went to my sisters for a little bit. We stopped at Starbucks and I got a light caramel frap...I shouldn’t have..its like over 200 calories...bad move, yes I know.
Wednesday–no EMC–back workout at gym. Went to spin class again! YAY!!
Thursday–No EMC—arms at gym....36 min treadmill-home after work
Friday–23 min EMC–chest/legs at the gym. Friday night- met some friends out for happy hour for my girlfriend’s birthday. I didn’t have any drinks or eat anything. I felt out of the loop because I really don’t hang out with anyone anymore, and I felt awkward and out of place. All I wanted to do was go home...isn’t that horrible? But there were pics...and I look fat...which made me sad. Oh and then I forgot my coat at the restaurant. I was so freaked! But luckily I got a hold of one of the girls and they dropped it off to me on their way home. I really didn’t care about the jacket so much as I had my work ID, gym ID, Dunkin Donut card and BJ’s card in my pocket! Thank goodness I took my keys out!
Saturday we had a communion party to go to. I didn’t pack my food and thus, had a very bad eating day. Im not even going to get into the details but it wasn’t pretty.
See this is the continuous issue that I have with myself. I cannot be around food...LOL! Well I can for the most part but when im starving...forget it....and I know its all my fault. I was unprepared and that is what happens.
Lets go back to Friday for a minute....see I also have these issues with seeing people that I haven’t seen in a while. And they know that I eat well and I workout constantly, etc....and yet when they see me, I look the same or even worse! And that makes me more sad because I talk such a good game..oh I cant eat that, I cant drink that...but yet I have all this fat on me! I should look like a freaking IFBB Pro for all the talk I do! But alas...im a cow!
Here are my issues:
• Im not getting enough cardio in
• Im not getting enough plyometrics in
• Im not getting all my meals in
• I lost my focus of what needs to be done
So I need to basically shit or get off the pot, as the saying goes.
What I cant understand is what is wrong with me. Am I that weak of a person? If im so unhappy about the way I look...then I need to change it.
Im supposed to do pics again in two weeks. And yet again...there will be no changes.
I feel like a fake and a fraud. Yes I have competed but not to the potential that I know I have. I need to put those blinders on and just focus on the course that needs to be followed with no distractions.
I must come first. And that is really hard for me. I am always ready to jump as soon as someone gives me an option to do something else. And then what I need to do, doesn’t get done...which in turn, messes my goals up.
I cannot continue to go down this path. I need to write down all my goals, and go through with them.
The only person that can stop me is me....and I keep building this brick wall up....and it needs to come down.
I wanted to do Mike’s boot camp at the end of may....I cant see me doing that either....just because I don’t want him to be disappointed in me.
Monday legs at the gym–took spinning class at the gym after work..I loved it! I think I found a new love :) Even though it kills my butt! I need to find one of those padded seats....
Tuesday–26 min EMC-shoulders at gym...Tuesday night went to my sisters for a little bit. We stopped at Starbucks and I got a light caramel frap...I shouldn’t have..its like over 200 calories...bad move, yes I know.
Wednesday–no EMC–back workout at gym. Went to spin class again! YAY!!
Thursday–No EMC—arms at gym....36 min treadmill-home after work
Friday–23 min EMC–chest/legs at the gym. Friday night- met some friends out for happy hour for my girlfriend’s birthday. I didn’t have any drinks or eat anything. I felt out of the loop because I really don’t hang out with anyone anymore, and I felt awkward and out of place. All I wanted to do was go home...isn’t that horrible? But there were pics...and I look fat...which made me sad. Oh and then I forgot my coat at the restaurant. I was so freaked! But luckily I got a hold of one of the girls and they dropped it off to me on their way home. I really didn’t care about the jacket so much as I had my work ID, gym ID, Dunkin Donut card and BJ’s card in my pocket! Thank goodness I took my keys out!
Saturday we had a communion party to go to. I didn’t pack my food and thus, had a very bad eating day. Im not even going to get into the details but it wasn’t pretty.
See this is the continuous issue that I have with myself. I cannot be around food...LOL! Well I can for the most part but when im starving...forget it....and I know its all my fault. I was unprepared and that is what happens.
Lets go back to Friday for a minute....see I also have these issues with seeing people that I haven’t seen in a while. And they know that I eat well and I workout constantly, etc....and yet when they see me, I look the same or even worse! And that makes me more sad because I talk such a good game..oh I cant eat that, I cant drink that...but yet I have all this fat on me! I should look like a freaking IFBB Pro for all the talk I do! But alas...im a cow!
Here are my issues:
• Im not getting enough cardio in
• Im not getting enough plyometrics in
• Im not getting all my meals in
• I lost my focus of what needs to be done
So I need to basically shit or get off the pot, as the saying goes.
What I cant understand is what is wrong with me. Am I that weak of a person? If im so unhappy about the way I look...then I need to change it.
Im supposed to do pics again in two weeks. And yet again...there will be no changes.
I feel like a fake and a fraud. Yes I have competed but not to the potential that I know I have. I need to put those blinders on and just focus on the course that needs to be followed with no distractions.
I must come first. And that is really hard for me. I am always ready to jump as soon as someone gives me an option to do something else. And then what I need to do, doesn’t get done...which in turn, messes my goals up.
I cannot continue to go down this path. I need to write down all my goals, and go through with them.
The only person that can stop me is me....and I keep building this brick wall up....and it needs to come down.
I wanted to do Mike’s boot camp at the end of may....I cant see me doing that either....just because I don’t want him to be disappointed in me.
Monday, April 19, 2010
thought of the day
Why do I give up on myself so easily? Why do I always believe that I can’t do something? I think that is one of my biggest issues…I believe that I wont be able to get where I need to be and I have in my head that im going to fail before I do, so I think that part of my brain gives up thinking that I cant do it so why bother? That makes me mad at myself. Why do I have no faith in myself? Am I afraid to succeed? I don’t know what it is??? Its weird…its like I want something so badly but yet, don’t want to do what it takes to get there! Or im just afraid to get myself to the place I need to get just because its hard and im afraid to fail?
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Wednesday
Wow a post two days in a row? Can you stand it? LOL!
Feeling great this morning....got up and got in 20 min of cardio (if my ass got up earlier it would have been longer) and then went to the gym and had a great back workout :) While i was finishing my workout i noticed that i was the only one down in the weight room...sweet! So what did i get to do? Posing practice in the big mirrors :) I always play around when im down there by myself....in my head i see myself as having a perfect body and do my 1/4 turns like a pro....turning with some sass in my step...you know how they do it ;)
So i pretend that i can do what it takes up there....the confidence, the body, the smile, the sass.....its fun and silly to dream isn't it? LOL!
But honestly, it does help with confidence and makes me feel good.
Today is my nephew's 2nd birthday...so we are going to my sister's for dinner. I have to run to Trader Joes and pick up my dinner (brown rice, fish and string beans) and take it along with me over there. Its so nice that they dont question me anymore.....they know the drill and they finally accept that i do what i do and they leave me be :) They will still make their comments every once in a while but its getting better :)
So since im happy today, i figured i would post cause most days im tired and cranky ;)
I signed up for a daily text from Gaspari Nutrition and they send me a daily motivational quote...i loved todays: "The wall isn't there to stop you, it's a way to making you realize how much you desire to reach your goal." LOVE IT!!!
And i will reach my goal...someday, somehow...i will get there :)
Feeling great this morning....got up and got in 20 min of cardio (if my ass got up earlier it would have been longer) and then went to the gym and had a great back workout :) While i was finishing my workout i noticed that i was the only one down in the weight room...sweet! So what did i get to do? Posing practice in the big mirrors :) I always play around when im down there by myself....in my head i see myself as having a perfect body and do my 1/4 turns like a pro....turning with some sass in my step...you know how they do it ;)
So i pretend that i can do what it takes up there....the confidence, the body, the smile, the sass.....its fun and silly to dream isn't it? LOL!
But honestly, it does help with confidence and makes me feel good.
Today is my nephew's 2nd birthday...so we are going to my sister's for dinner. I have to run to Trader Joes and pick up my dinner (brown rice, fish and string beans) and take it along with me over there. Its so nice that they dont question me anymore.....they know the drill and they finally accept that i do what i do and they leave me be :) They will still make their comments every once in a while but its getting better :)
So since im happy today, i figured i would post cause most days im tired and cranky ;)
I signed up for a daily text from Gaspari Nutrition and they send me a daily motivational quote...i loved todays: "The wall isn't there to stop you, it's a way to making you realize how much you desire to reach your goal." LOVE IT!!!
And i will reach my goal...someday, somehow...i will get there :)
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
tuesday :)
Why am I so hungry today? I ate my lunch at 1:30 and its around 3:00 and im starving again! Im ready to go and eat my right arm (Im left handed..LOL) Maybe it means that my metabolism is rising? All that I do know is that im sitting here, with a decent amount of work to do and I don’t want to do any of it. I am, but im dragging!
I was looking at myself in the mirror this morning after my workout. And do you know how they say that you are supposed to look at yourself in the mirror and say positive things to yourself? Cant do it...I cant....all I see is negative...but I try and put a positive spin on it in my head. And then I tell myself that if I just ate exactly what im supposed to then maybe, just maybe, I would see the changes in my body. Because I can see things...I see muscles popping out underneath the fat. And I know its not my lack of workouts...because my workouts are always great....its food.....and I could always add in more cardio...but that is another story ;)
Im learning that it all comes down to what I shove in my face. That is what is hindering any progress that I am making.
Why does food have such a control over us all? I mean, I honestly think that if I did exactly what I was supposed to eat 100% of the time, I would look amazing! And that is what makes me sad. Because I have fucked up so many times and just let food and situations control me instead of me controlling the situation. I am weak. I admit it. If its around me (and it always is) I still have that frame of mind that “one ___wont hurt me” when in fact, it is all that I do..over and over, and its such a horrible habit that just needs to be broken.
Why is there this need to eat crap? When afterwards you feel like crap for eating it and you feel guilty for eating it. So it’s a lose, lose thing and yet everyone does it!
I am supposed to be 11 weeks out...haha is what I say! I have so much fat on me still. I cant see it happening.
If I can just get the diet part down it would make such a difference. I need to stop looking at food as a want and just look at it as a need. Only clean foods are going to get me where I need to be. I need to remember that.
So what else is going on?
I have to go to a jewelry demonstration tonight...I looked at the website..the stuff is expensive! I may just get a pair of earrings or something!
My brother-in-law’s grandmom passed away yesterday. The services are Thursday and Friday. So I took off on Friday to go to the funeral....and what was the first thing I think of? What am I going to do about eating? UGH!!
Tomorrow is my nephew’s 2nd birthday :) We are going over my sister’s for dinner and then on Saturday is the kids party.
I guess that is all that is going on in my little world :) Oh, and the ovary pain is starting to hurt again! I don’t go to the gyno until may 10th!
I was looking at myself in the mirror this morning after my workout. And do you know how they say that you are supposed to look at yourself in the mirror and say positive things to yourself? Cant do it...I cant....all I see is negative...but I try and put a positive spin on it in my head. And then I tell myself that if I just ate exactly what im supposed to then maybe, just maybe, I would see the changes in my body. Because I can see things...I see muscles popping out underneath the fat. And I know its not my lack of workouts...because my workouts are always great....its food.....and I could always add in more cardio...but that is another story ;)
Im learning that it all comes down to what I shove in my face. That is what is hindering any progress that I am making.
Why does food have such a control over us all? I mean, I honestly think that if I did exactly what I was supposed to eat 100% of the time, I would look amazing! And that is what makes me sad. Because I have fucked up so many times and just let food and situations control me instead of me controlling the situation. I am weak. I admit it. If its around me (and it always is) I still have that frame of mind that “one ___wont hurt me” when in fact, it is all that I do..over and over, and its such a horrible habit that just needs to be broken.
Why is there this need to eat crap? When afterwards you feel like crap for eating it and you feel guilty for eating it. So it’s a lose, lose thing and yet everyone does it!
I am supposed to be 11 weeks out...haha is what I say! I have so much fat on me still. I cant see it happening.
If I can just get the diet part down it would make such a difference. I need to stop looking at food as a want and just look at it as a need. Only clean foods are going to get me where I need to be. I need to remember that.
So what else is going on?
I have to go to a jewelry demonstration tonight...I looked at the website..the stuff is expensive! I may just get a pair of earrings or something!
My brother-in-law’s grandmom passed away yesterday. The services are Thursday and Friday. So I took off on Friday to go to the funeral....and what was the first thing I think of? What am I going to do about eating? UGH!!
Tomorrow is my nephew’s 2nd birthday :) We are going over my sister’s for dinner and then on Saturday is the kids party.
I guess that is all that is going on in my little world :) Oh, and the ovary pain is starting to hurt again! I don’t go to the gyno until may 10th!
Well that is my tuesday update :)
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Am i that boring??
I keep meaning to post something interesting and enjoyable for all to read....i cant come up with anything...i suck.
I am going to try and make Becca's egg bake thing (does it have a name yet?...LOL) Which means i have to stop at the store for egg white cartons :)
Oooh...i made this yummy dinner last night....i sauteed shrimp and scallops with a tiny bit of EVOO and added cayenne pepper, salt, pepper, chili powder and some onions and peppers and cooked it up and put it over brown rice....I made Adam's into tacos with guacomole and cheese....he said it was one of the best meals he has had in a long time :) That made me happy...but it was probably mostly due to the fact that he has been eating what i have been eating at dinner....egg whites....i was making him a bagel too with cream cheese but mine was just the whites with spinach and mushrooms. But that got old quick...so i would try and make him different things cause i felt bad...but now my menu changed and i get fish and brown rice and asparagus :) Much better!
I tried making a healthy iced coffee drink last night....didn't work out too well....i dont know what Starbucks does to theirs, but it is a lot yummier than mine was!
Anyway...prep is going pretty good i guess....mike basically told me after i sent him pics..."we need to get rid of your ass"....DUH!!! I know that! But im glad that he is blunt and to the point....LOL! So that is what im working on...its what im always working on....
Easter was a free meal....i didn't eat THAT bad..but i ate some "normal" food. Honestly, i dont know how people eat badly everyday. I felt like crap all night....and i didn't even eat that badly....my body just doesn't want it anymore...which is a good thing.
Cardio isn't too bad right now...2x40 min sessions a day...and my pm is broken up into tread, stepper and bike, so the time goes by super fast!
Saturday was my neice's 2nd birthday...i will try and post some pics...but it was at this little gym place with the climbing things...well me the big goof that i am i was up inside the tubes and going down the slides...LOL Hey, it kept me running around and not eating :) My sister took a picture of me in one of the tubes..it is so funny! Im such a dork ;)
Anyway..i guess that is pretty much it....my life is boring...wake up, cardio, gym, work, come home, cardio, cook, sleep, hubby time ....that is pretty much all...
but i will try and update more.
I am going to try and make Becca's egg bake thing (does it have a name yet?...LOL) Which means i have to stop at the store for egg white cartons :)
Oooh...i made this yummy dinner last night....i sauteed shrimp and scallops with a tiny bit of EVOO and added cayenne pepper, salt, pepper, chili powder and some onions and peppers and cooked it up and put it over brown rice....I made Adam's into tacos with guacomole and cheese....he said it was one of the best meals he has had in a long time :) That made me happy...but it was probably mostly due to the fact that he has been eating what i have been eating at dinner....egg whites....i was making him a bagel too with cream cheese but mine was just the whites with spinach and mushrooms. But that got old quick...so i would try and make him different things cause i felt bad...but now my menu changed and i get fish and brown rice and asparagus :) Much better!
I tried making a healthy iced coffee drink last night....didn't work out too well....i dont know what Starbucks does to theirs, but it is a lot yummier than mine was!
Anyway...prep is going pretty good i guess....mike basically told me after i sent him pics..."we need to get rid of your ass"....DUH!!! I know that! But im glad that he is blunt and to the point....LOL! So that is what im working on...its what im always working on....
Easter was a free meal....i didn't eat THAT bad..but i ate some "normal" food. Honestly, i dont know how people eat badly everyday. I felt like crap all night....and i didn't even eat that badly....my body just doesn't want it anymore...which is a good thing.
Cardio isn't too bad right now...2x40 min sessions a day...and my pm is broken up into tread, stepper and bike, so the time goes by super fast!
Saturday was my neice's 2nd birthday...i will try and post some pics...but it was at this little gym place with the climbing things...well me the big goof that i am i was up inside the tubes and going down the slides...LOL Hey, it kept me running around and not eating :) My sister took a picture of me in one of the tubes..it is so funny! Im such a dork ;)
Anyway..i guess that is pretty much it....my life is boring...wake up, cardio, gym, work, come home, cardio, cook, sleep, hubby time ....that is pretty much all...
but i will try and update more.
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