Merry Christmas :)

I cant believe its been over a week since i posted last. Anyway...going crazy trying to get everything done for christmas. And i got sick on sunday. So i have been pretty much useless.....i think i got sick because i ran out of glutamine...i havent been sick in a while and i heard that glutamine really helps fight off germs etc...well i ran out on thursday....and coincidentally i got sick on saturday....so i am not sure...so i haven't worked out since friday....and my eating hasn't been good at all....but im not going too crazy about it because i know that in January i will be back to strict clean eating again...so i am enjoying myself a bit :) Hey, i deserve it ;) I weighed myself this morning and i was 110.6...so that is only 6 pounds over what i was...now dont get me wrong, its still 6 pounds and i feel it in my pants....but i know i will be good again soon....i have to be lean and buff to hang out with my girls again in march! I cant be the only fat one there!

So i want to wish everyone a merry merry christmas and eat up!! LOL!

Enjoy :)

i love this!!!!!!!!

suit

April got me thinking about new suits for our next show....so i have been searching....what color do i want? Do I want to buy it from someone? Have it made?

So i have been searching.....and i found one......now i have to find out how much it is going to be....its pretty :) I think (so far) that i am in love with it!

That is all im saying right now ;)

Tis the season

Sorry for not posting for over a week! Time flies when your having fun i guess ;)

Still working out everyday....eating...not so great...but i look at it this way.....its the holidays.....im not going to go overboard, but im not going to be super strict right now either! Besides, once the holidays are over, i have almost 3 months to lean out for the Arnold :) And then i will be in good shape for my next show in June...so i have no worries...LOL! My pants are still fitting me so that is a good sign! My boobs are big again though :( I was hoping to have them stay deflated! No such luck! They are back!!

Im trying to get christmas stuff done...but there is no time to do anything and its getting close! I still have so much shopping to do, candy to make, cards to get out, its crazy! But at least this year, im not planning a wedding too on top of it all!

I cant believe its going to be a year soon that we are married! And that my nephew and niece are 8 months old! Where does the time go? And its already 3 weeks since the show! Crazy!!!!

Anyway.....nothing too exciting going on at all.....just trying to get everything done for the holidays and trying to keep my food in check!

Bye!

happy belated thanksgiving :)

Happy belated Thanksgiving everyone :)

I have enjoyed the last week so much...i dont want to go back to reality!!! It is so easy to fall right back into where you were before you were so strict and eating clean and healthy and god forbid you touch a cookie!

Now i have heard about the horror stories about girls who go into depressions and binge eat and so forth...i feel great! I mean, i know my ass should be on the treadmill right now, but im enjoying myself a little bit...but not going too crazy. I was back at working out on monday...i did an hour of cardio...tuesday, i did monday's chest workout and tuesday's shoulder workout combined. Wednesday i did my back workout. Thanksgiving ...i gave thanks...LOL!! To all of the lovely food that was in front of me.....and it was my husband's birthday, so we just hung out and spent the day together, and then went to my sister's for dinner....i will admit..i ate way too much...and i didn't like that feeling of being stuffed....but i enjoyed myself. It was nice. Friday i cleaned and started pulling out my christmas decorations..and then we went over my sisters again for leftovers....but i didn't eat as much at all....and today....just cardio and some abs....and i went food shopping and im going to decorate tonight.

So i feel good...im going to enjoy the next month or so....im going to eat clean and do my workouts but im going to have little cheats here and there. Because I am doing the Philly show in June...the show that i was supposed to originally do that i wasn't ready for.....well i know what i need to do now. And i will be ready! Plus....i have already made sure that Ms. April will be doing the show with me......now, if i could only convince the other two......hmmmmm.......reunion anyone???

Muscle in the City---Weekend Complete :)

WOW!!! We had such an amazing time! Stacey of course, is going to have to tell the story because she will tell it the best...but i will give my rendition as best as i can :)

Friday morning my plane was supposed to leave at 7:20am and land at 9:40 or so. Well Philadelphia decided to get some snow...and god forbid the airport be prepared...so my plane didn't board until 7:30 and then had to be de-iced. So we were on the plane...waiting to be de-iced....we were 4th or 5th in line....then the pilot says...well now since we have been in line for so long waiting we dont have enough fuel now to get there...so we had to go BACK to the gate to refuel...then get back in line AGAIN to be de-iced. Finally about 10:30 or so, we were able to take off (which by the way by that time the sun was shining and probably melted the damn ice off anyway)/..so i landed at about12:30 ish and April was there waiting for me! We had a 4 1/2 hour drive to IL so off we went! We were so hungry and thirsty but we had a great time! Every sign we passed for food we were drooling over it and wanted to eat it...we got to the hotel and Ms. Tina was there waiting impatiently for us ;) And then Stacey came and we had such a great night! Tanning was a big old mess but very entertaining :) We woke up the next day i think at 5:30 and started to get ready. I was so nervous and excited!

We got lost getting there...we were late....but we made it in one piece.....well Tina and Stacey had a close call in the car but we made it ;)

Everyone was so nice and that made it a little less stressful. Prejudging was scary! I never realized how hard it is to smile and pose and do all this while your scared out of your freaking mind! LOL! I was shaking and nervous but i did it! I was in the masters class and the open short class....so they were right after each other so as soon as i got off stage for masters i had go jump right back in line for short. So i was unable to get my head on straight and breathe to get ready to go back out there...but it was fine....once i was done i felt so much better! I knew i didn't have shot in hell of placing but i didn't care at all! The girls in my class were unreal! I did what i came to do! I got out there and i did it. I was so proud of myself that was all that mattered :)

After we got done prejudging we were able to eat a little bit...well we had Stacey's peanut butter balls...which i could probably live off of they were so good and some rice cakes with Tina's almond butter...OMG! Sooo good!

I dont think i ever laughed so much before! We had such a great time!

By the night show (which we got lost again) i just went out there and had a good time...I wasn't scared like i was for pre-judging and it was much better!

It was a very long day and we were all extremely tired and hungry! We wound up going to eat at Steak and Shake and we had burgers and fries and milkshakes :) YUM!!!

Me and April didn't place. April was very close though...she got 6th place. I got 9th for both masters and for short. Stacey got 2nd and Tina got 3rd!!!! So happy for them both! They got their figure girl trophies!! Now i want one :)

I am so glad that i did this! I had the most amazing time with three amazing women!!!

The next day on our way home, me and april went to breakfast at Cracker Barrel and ate and ate and ate....well not too bad but man, those pecan pancakes were to die for!!!! OMG So good!!! and then we stopped at a candy factory!! The worlds best gummy bears is what it is known for..and they were good! And you could sample any of the candy that you wanted to! What more can you ask for?

Well that pretty much sums up the weekend....girl time, stage time, food time :) And memories to last a lifetime! Thank you girls for everything! You are all rockstars!!!!!

2 more days!

its almost here!!! Yippee!!!

weight this morning: 104.6....but i got carbs again today so my weight is going to be up again.

I kinda see how women can have serious eating issues (anorexia, bulimia) because a part of me still sees myself as huge and i still grab the fat on my legs and butt and get upset. But i still have the logical part of my self that knows that its wrong and i would never starve myself or make myself throw up to just be thin. But i can see how it could affect others....when you see your abs, ribs, etc and your getting complimented for losing weight and being told your getting so thin....when you have weight issues and you hear those things, you thrive on them and you want them more and more. And i think that is what happens.

But for me....i like to eat....i love food...and i finally have control over it and how and what i need to do to lose it. It is wonderful... i have a long way to go and i really want to put on muscle....but that is another story....sorry for the ramble.....

I cant believe its here! I am so excited!!!! i thought i had so much time....and now its here!!!! We are going to have so much fun!!!! I cannot wait!

since they all posted pics...here is my pic from last week..

4 more days

Ok peeps! do you see my counter on the right??? 4 days!!!

Man...what a journey this has been....and you know what? There is no way this journey is over! Who knows how bad its going to be my first time out. I will probably come in last place....i may fall on my ass.....my suit may rip, or any of the other thousand things that can go wrong. But you know what? I dont care! This trip is going to be amazing! From the road trip with April, to being on stage for the first time, to hanging out with the three most amazing girls ever! This is going to be something to remember for the rest of my life! And no one can ever take that away from me or any of us for that matter!!!! I cant even explain how excited I am to do this!!!! And how much i cannot wait to eat!!! LOL!

It is bad when you are walking through the supermarket and you go by everything and you are like....ooh, i want that" But you say it 100 times!!! Because everything looks good!

I have so much to do before thursday....i took a half day on thursday to get waxed and my hair blown out and so i can "relax" and pack whatever else needs to be packed.

Weight was 106.2 this morning....I talked with Tony today...depending on how my weight is tomorrow, is how he is going to judge my carb loading days....

April has her moose munch to bring...i bought a giant bag of Peanut M&MS....i dont know what else i want yet....i dont want to go too crazy cause i will probably get sick...but i will still eat! LOL!

Cardio is continuing and im doing full body workouts this week.....i guess we will see what this body will do! Im still waiting for my ass to go away!!!

One Week from Today!

OMG!!!! Its almost here!!!! This time next week (10:15 am) i will be in Indy and hopefully April will have picked me up at the airport and we will be on our way to Rockford!!!!

It is so crazy that this is really happening!!! I never really thought the day would be here and it is quickly approaching!!!

So much to do!!!! Im getting really excited!!! We are going to have so much fun!!!

Everyday im leaning out (i think so anyway...LOL) and my weight is at 106.8. I have my last posing class on sunday. I have so much to buy and pack and i really cant forget anything because if i do im screwed! Well not really, i could always buy something and im sure the girls will have whatever i will need, but i have to be careful not to forget anything!

I was reading Noel C's blog and she has this pic of her and her friend Jodi..she is what i want to look like..she is tiny but has muscle on her. (i hope you dont mind, im posting the pic)

I love that pic!!!!

Anyway.....maybe one day, i will have muscle ;)

Stacey is having shirts made up for our photo shoot and i have to buy jeans! The ones i have now are HUGE! I dont know what im going to pack for it either! I am so not a "in the spotlight" kind of gal, yet, that is exactly what im doing...LOL!! Crazy huh? Im getting brave in my old age....and speaking of....im doing the masters class and the Open Short categories.....so i get to stand up there with April for the short class and with Tina for the masters...

MUSCLE AND THE CITY.....YAY!!!!

This is going to ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10 days out!!!

Hi all!! Sorry i haven't been posting...i have been reading blogs....but then i run out of time to update mine :)

I have been super busy trying to get all my workouts in, food prepped, and snuggle time with Adam...its hard to get it all in and be in bed by 10 so i can be up at 5! ....10 days to go!!!

I am leaning out i think, but my ass and legs still need a lot of work! My ass more than my legs but my legs still need work ;)

I talked to Tony yesterday and he said my pics were looking good....so on sunday i will carb load through tuesday and then wed-friday deplete...i hope it works!! Im still holding my weight at 108.0 which i was hoping that it was going to be less this week but im sure that by the end of the week i should be at 107 or less??

I took the pics on saturday but i actually think that i have leaned out even more since then....he told me everyday i will see changes...and i am!!!

Im trying not to be negative about this but if my butt doesn't go down soon, i dont think i will look like i should be on that stage...and that is what is freaking me out!!! I dont want people talking about me and thinking to themselves "what is wrong with that girl thinking that she could walk on that stage like that" THAT IS MY BIGGEST FEAR!!! That above all....more worried about that than falling or my boob popping out (yeah...that is a worry for me too)......i want to feel like i belong on that stage....and right now i dont.....well i do but just the butt thing.....that is stopping me. I am still very jiggly and mushy ;) I know im not a pro, and will probably never be, so my ass wont be rock hard....but i dont want to look like a fat mess up there either!

So that is my main issue.....other than that...all is well :)

*****

Now to the exciting happy part of doing this show!!! Drumroll.......

April
Tina
Stacey

oh, and of course......we cannot forget....

moosemunch
peanut M&Ms
mexican after the show :)

and

April and I driving home from the show on sunday...drinking our starbucks and enjoying whatever food we want to :)


and i cannot forget.....

meeting the infamous Kelly O and Sherry :)

It cant get better than this....well if i looked like a total rockstar up there maybe...but no matter what....its all about us doing this show together and hanging out!!! I cannot wait!!!!!

This is going to be great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im here

I haven't posted in a few days....i have been swamped at work....which is really odd for me because im usually bored with not enough to do.....so i guess it was nice for a change :)

I cant believe this show is coming up so soon!! I hope im ready...or at least close to being ready! My ass still isn't cooperating fully..... i keep yelling at it to get smaller but its not listening!!

The treadmill is my new best friend at home....at the gym i try and do either the elliptical or the stepper just to switch it up a little.

I am really tired today....its rainy out so that could be why.....

workouts are going well. Diet is going to be changing this week. I need to drop more weight. I am not saying that i am fat by any means (im saying this because my mother was getting mad at me this morning when i was saying that i was fat...i know im not fat...im just lumpy...LOL) So that will be my new word...instead of fat, i will say lumpy. I have one or two more posing classes..i forget....i know this sunday i have one...i forget if i have one the following sunday too....its really coming fast! I hope im ready.

I think my biggest worry is that i will look horrible and out of place up there. That i should have waited until i was perfect. That i belong up there. I dont want people thinking in their heads "what is that big mess doing up there on that stage?? Why didn't anyone tell her???"

That is what i have in my head. Im trying to be positive. saying that i belong up there!

I have so much to do and no time to do it! Im scared!!!!

Monica Brant at Gold's Gym

Talk about motivation :)

24 days

Whenever i feel tired and aggravated and don't want to move off the couch i think about the girls above....not necessarily these 5, but the pros in general....all that they do to push themselves to the limits and how hard they have to work to get where they are. That they didn't just automatically look like that...that it took years of hard work. I know that it will take me a long time to get where i would be happy with my body. And I'm fine with that. I mean, i want to look like that, don't get me wrong, but i know I'm not going to get there in the time that i have been training for this show :)

But it gives me something to strive for...to want! And that is what i am doing! I am pushing myself everyday at the gym...trying to lift a little bit heavier , run a little bit longer. Every calorie burned helps. I will get there....maybe not this show....and if i do another...it may not be the next one...but everyday i will strive to better myself...and that is what is important :)

So....24 days......

I talked to tony and again he made sure i understood that i need to get that 2 hours of cardio in....and more if possible......

so last night i did 2 hours....and add that to my 30 minutes in the morning......2.5 hours of cardio yesterday on top of my shoulder workout! I already feel leaner! Silly i know, but i know that is what is going to get me the smallest.....and hopefully the muscles will show as i lean out more ;)

I am soooo happy that Stacey is doing the show again!!!!! I mean, she is the MUSCLE in "muscle in the city"......i was so bummed that she wasn't going to do the show with us and now she is back!!!! YAY!!!!!! And don't worry Stacey...i got the peanut M&M situation covered!!!!

We have to set up some kind of photoshoot girls!!!!! How cool!!!!

And i wanted to give a shout out to Ms Kelly!!!! First...love your vlogs!!! Second..you made me LOL at you saying you were going to be yelling in the front row with some kind of sign on your chest!!! LOL! I hope we all live up to your expectations :) (Well at least me! ) Cause i don't live up to my own! It is going to be so great meeting you and Sherry!

Ok....well I'm out.....

oh...just for my own rememberance....weight.....109.0!

28 days!

Isn't that a horror movie? LOL! I think it is!

My tanning kit came today from BB.com :)

I had a talk with Tony and he wants pics....well he actually wanted them last night but he has to wait until tonight....i was exhausted last night and the last thing i wanted to do was put on my suit and take pics!

But we had a long talk and i was telling him that i dont think that i am lean enough (hence the pics) and that i wont be ready! He said i will be ready but i have to make sure that i get those 2 hours in NO MATTER WHAT! So...with that, i went to this gym which is a block away from my office and i joined there for a month...so i can go at lunch and get extra cardio in! I seem to be having trouble getting up in the morning....I try and try to get up when April calls...and when my alarm goes off...i just cannot stop hitting the snooze button....so im only getting in about 30-35 minutes in the morning before the gym....which isn't good...cause when i get home after work....i cant handle doing more than an hour.....its really exhausting! So to break it up a little i decided to suck it up and pay the extra money and go at lunchtime too :)

I had biceps and triceps today....i try really hard to concentrate on the muscles...but they wont come out :( What does it take??? I mean they are there when im working them..but then they go back to bed!

This is it...no going back! Whew....its hard!

But i will get there....i wont be perfect....i will probably be lumpy ;) But i will be there!

just cause.....

he is so freaking cute :)

time......its a tickin

31 days! Yeah....

Well Im getting there.....slowly.....

Got 35 minutes EMC this morning before i hit the gym and did my chest workout!

Yesterday was shoulders (my favorite)....also wanted to add, got in 35 EMC before and 60 minutes last night....followed by 15 minutes of step-ups and 15 minutes of abs (which me and adam did together :)..LOL)

I cant wait for my next posing class on sunday! I have been trying to practice posing here and there...when i get a moment.

I was out of my chicken so on top of cooking dinner, i had to cook my chicken....we wound up not eating dinner until 8:00! I have to figure out something because this is getting to be too much! There is only so much that can be done prep wise over the weekend...

Adam is going away for training next week....he leaves on sunday and comes home on friday. Im sad...but the only good thing is that i wont have to worry about him eating and all....and if it gets really late, then i can just make eggs for me :)

My weight is down a little bit this morning...109.4....i want to be 108 by sunday...think i can do it?

Well in honor of Kelly's lists of things that make her happy and her peeves im going to do a little one too.....

Things that make me happy:

1). my husband, step daughter and my dog
2) my family
3)my nephew
4) coconut coffee from dunkin donuts
5) my ipod
6) taking a bubble bath at night...especially after doing legs and cardio!
7) the new mascara (Kevin Aucoin) and cream eyeliner pallete (smashbox) that i got from Sephora
6) emailing april in work (it makes my day so much better)
7) Seeing new little muscles here and there when i pose in the mirror ;)
8) . Trader Joe's Fresh Mild Salsa! |YUM!
9) all my blogger friends
10) my one piece suit
11) cherry pomagranite crystal light
11) cozy VS pajamas and slippers
12) abc.com---to catch up on my LOST episodes while on the treadmill!!!!

Things that piss me off!
1. people who dont look behind them when they open a door to hold it for the next person...rude!
2. people who dont pick up after themselves at the gym! I hate picking up the weights and putting them back on the rack, or having to clear the smith, etc...with the weight plates packed on there!
3. Going to cross the street and the stupid car(or shall i say driver) went up way to far on the crosswalk and you cant cross!
4. cabs...i swear that is how im going to die.....a crazy cab driver is going to run me over!!!
5. traffic....especially when there is absolutely no reason for it (accident)....drive people!!!!
6. my neighbor's dog that doesn't shut the fuck up EVER!
7. my neighbors who have the dog and leave it outside to bark for HOURS!
8. Running out of my prepped food for the week!

I can probably go on and on with my dislikes.....but i will have to come back to them :)

The World Series starts tonight!!!! GO PHILLIES!!!! I wish they weren't on so late....i will never be able to stay up!

P.S.----dont forget to add your name to my list of followers....let me see who you are ;) Cause i love everyone of you!!!!! You have all been there to push me through this crazy journey!!!! I appreciate every comment you give me!!!

monday--32 days---109.8 lbs

Well my weigh in yesterday was 109.8!!! So im shrinking little by little...i had posing yesterday with Stacey Simons...she is so cool and im so glad that i have her to help me. We changed up my positioning a bit for my "model pose" and really it is difficult to get it all down...so many poses and how to stand, walk, etc....its crazy!!! And my calfs are killing me from those stupid shoes!!!

All is going well...im not as lean as i would like to be at 32 days out! I should have more definition and should be leaner i think.....i still have a belly and my legs are still flabby!! I suck! I want to look like i belong up there..i want to look like a competitor.....you had to see Stacey....she was just standing there and showing me how to pose and i was like "wow...i want your shoulders!!!!!" she hasn't really worked out since the Olympia and she is still all cut up! I want that!!! I know it takes years, but little things would make me feel better :)

One good little thing i saw was when she told me to move my shoulder forward, i could see a little shoulder cut :) That made me happy!!!

Well i had legs this morning and tomorrow is shoulders! my two favorites back to back :)

Im tired...i have to wake up! Cardio when i get home and then i want to be done everything before Heroes starts :) And i must be in bed by 10 so i can get tomorrow!! No time for slacking!! it has to be done!!

reality check

Ok.....i just booked my flight for the show!!!! OMG! Im freaking out!!! This totally makes it real and i think that i was putting off getting the ticket because that meant that it was really happening! That i am really doing this! There is no going back now i guess!!

WOW!!!! Im scared!!!!!! There isn't much time left!!!!!

I must have pulled a muscle yesterday in my shoulder/neck area and the pain shot into my head and gave me a massive headache! I actually went and had a massage at lunch-there is a place near my work where they do the chair massages for $1.00/minute...so i did a 20 minute massage and it felt sooo good! I am going to really take advantage of that! I waste money on such stupid crap anyway! At least this makes me feel good :) Well this morning doing chest it happened again!! I think that its whenever i push myself it happens! I felt like i was going to have a stroke or something!!!! I was scared. but i took excedrin and it got a little better ;)

Im meeting with my posing coach on sunday morning! I definitely need work in that area!

ok...its panic time!!!!

Complaining??

Do i complain a lot? I was thinking about this, this morning and i think i do. I complain that im tired, i complain that my house is a mess, i complain that there is not enough time to do things, i complain that i have so much cardio to do, etc....the list can go on and on....i really don't realize that i do this all the time. And i even do it with Adam. I dont want to be this way....i really dont....but i think that it is part of my personality...im so used to being negative all the time....even trying to have a positive mindset...all that falls to the sidelines when im home, and tired, and i feel like Mrs Crankypants :)

I need to stop and take responsibility for it all. It is my fault that the house is a mess, its my fault that i have do do cardio at 8:30 at night, its my fault that im tired...im doing this all to myself and i need to realize that and suck it up!!!!! Doing this competition is my dream...and i need to deal with the consequences and not bitch about them!!!

All this is stemming from an argument that i had with Adam last night about the house....its kinda messy right now...partly due to the fact that i went food shopping on monday and have been cooking and doing cardio,etc...i dont have time to keep up with it all....well we have this woman coming over tomorrow for our life insurance and the house needs to be straightened up...i got off the treadmill at 9:15 or so (because i decided to cook first before i did my cardio...bad move) and i was EXHAUSTED! So, he tells me that this lady is coming on thursday morning!!! What the hell???? I got bitchy and said well she cant come because the house is a mess.....he said well clean it...and i got mad and said no im too tired! So back and forth it went and he said well its all your stuff scattered everywhere and if i clean it im throwing everything of yours in the trash! Yeah, real nice....but i get his point....i told him that im too tired to do it all and i need help....which he said that he would help if it wasn't so bad to begin with...back and forth, back and forth....point being, he said "you cannot complain about being tired.....you are choosing to do this to yourself....to do this comp......quit if you cant handle it!"

Hell no!!!!! I have come way to far to quit now!!!! I have to stop bitching and stay focused....it can all get done...i mean, come on.....how many girls do this with kids!!! If they can do it, so can I!!!! And i will.....no more negative nelly ;)

39 days!!

Weekend went by way to quickly....again! Of course!

Well we are now on our way of being close to 5 weeks out! Really scary! I have so much to do and i have nothing done.

My goal for this week is 109lbs.....can i do it????

Talked with Tony by text yesterday and he called me this morning to see how i was holding up. My diet changed as of today and he told me i MUST get the 2 hours of cardio in.....in addition, i have 15 minutes of step-ups...to work the booty ;)

I have a checklist of what i need to buy/pack for the show...there is a lot on there.....im poor and i need money!!! This comp stuff costs some bucks! I spent $30.00 just this morning for flax oil, green tea extract and ACV! Ridiculous!!!! This crap is expensive...let alone what i need to get at the store tonight! I am out of chicken and egg whites......im going to start clucking soon ;)

Other than that, i feel ok....im tired sometimes and my ankles are killing me! Which affects my runs...but i am continuing to do them.....i have to...its the only way this butt is going to get tight!!!

I watched the my sister's baby on saturday with Adam and Angelica! Man, when people say that once you have a baby you dont exist anymore? Well its true! Its just constant...from feeding to changing to playing...it doesn't stop! But he is toooo cute for words! Love that little guy!!! He cracks me up and makes me smile.....so that was my saturday night.....

I got in 30 minutes of EMC this morning before the gym and then i had shoulders at the gym and did 10 minutes cardio afterwards. So i still have another 60-80 minutes to go when i get home tonight! Oh, yeah, and i forgot, i have to go to BJs and the supermarket after work too.....man, it never ends......39 more days!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

time is a tickin!!!

I loved this pic...dont know who it is but i wish my back looked like that!!!

ok peeps! Tomorrow I (we) will be 6 weeks out!!!! That is not long at all!! Im scared!!!!!

Thank god im doing this with my girlies (Stacey---im still hanging on for you to do this with us) because without them i would probably really be a crazy person!!!

My diet changes up this week...cant wait to see what that brings!!!! Hopefully a loss of a pound or two ;)

Today i had triceps...yesterday was back.....tomorrow...abs......i need some abs!! Hopefully they will come out to play soon :)

Last night i was so tired...like i was hit by a bus tired....but i did my cardio like a good girl...and threw in some abs for good measure!

Today on triceps i added in some assisted dips and assisted pull ups....every little bit of extra helps right?

Adam got Phillies playoff tickets for the game today...he is taking Angelica...im mad though, i wanted to go :( Ah, what can i do right? So im going to my sister's for a little bit to see the baby and i am babysitting tomorrow so she has to give me her directions tonight!

Alright----im going back to work :)

46 days---110.8 pounds

Ok now its getting closer and closer.....

I sent off pics to Tony with my head cut off because i was super scary saturday morning. Weigh in was 110.8! Im getting there.....im leaning out...but my ass has so much work yet to go!!! I just keep trying to think about what is to come next....Tony told me to get ready for next week because at 6 weeks out..things are going to get tough! How much tougher can they get? How much more can change? Im already not eating yams or anything??? We shall see i guess!!!

My boobs get on my nerves! I have to look into what i can do to secure them when my suit is on. The problem im having is that when the suit is on, it shifts and my boobs dont stay in place and you can see it at the bottom of the suit....its hard to explain but the wiring on the suit kinda lifts and it doesn't lay flat on my body...i want to check and see if i can get the tape they sell for women who wear either low tops or backless....its just basically tape that holds you up..i have no idea what they are called but i have to look them up and buy some :)

Weekend was kinda boring....didn't do much.....took a half day from work and we took my nephew for his fall/halloween pictures....he is too freaking cute!!!! He was dressed as a monkey :) Friday night, Adam went out for happy hour so i did an hour and a half of cardio and watched 2 episodes of LOST. Im almost through Season 3 now. Saturday didn't do much....went to my parents at night to watch the Phillies game. Sunday, i cooked a little, washed clothes, took out some fall/winter stuff to wash and did cardio. Then went to my parents for dinner..came home, watched tv and went to bed.....super exciting huh?

I was getting kinda bummed out last night and Adam gave me a pep talk of sorts....I was telling him how time was going so fast and i wasn't sure if i was going to be able to get there in time...he told me how good i was doing but i was only giving 95-98%....where the girl next to me on stage gave 110%....that i have to become the girl that gave 110%....when im exhausted and dont want to move, the other girl is moving and doing what she needs to do. When i put that extra creamer in my coffee, the girl next to me isn't. When im at the gym and lifting...i should be the girl who other girls look at in awe and cant believe that this little girl can lift so much....i have to contstantly be pushing myself to my own limits....whatever they may be....to go that extra mile...to do that extra cardio or add that 10 pounds to my bar....whatever it is, whatever it takes...to make myself better....to know that i gave 110% instead of 95%....so even if its show time and im not exactly where i should be....at least i will know that i gave it my all and that is all that really matters :) That is the way that i need to think...all the time....that someone else is doing more.

So when im tired and my alarm goes off at 5:00....i have to think....that other girl is getting up and not hitting the snooze button ;)


*****edited----progress pics****

Please excuse the little bit of boob in pic (see suit problem above ;) ...LOL)

My ass pic is still too big for you all too see!

Also...what is up with my legs?? When i went tanning that happened???? Gross!

50 days!!

Yeah, um....50 days.....that isnt that far away people!!!!

I got in my 30 minutes of EMC and then off to the gym for my back workout.....had a few different exercises which was fun. I really need to try and lift a little heavier each time because i want some muscles ;)

One more hour of cardio to go when i get home....its getting easier to get it done now....its just a part of my day. Routine.....but you know that once this comp is over, i am going to be so happy to not have to do 2 hours everyday!! It does get rough! But i do it...with a smile on my face....well most of the time anyway...LOL!

I have so much to get done in the next 50 days.....it will all get done though......and hopefully.....as i get closer....i will look like i belong on that stage!

Happy and mad....

First my happy.....

Last night i was trying on clothes and the size 4 pants that i just bought (and still have the tags on) were big! So i decided to run to Express at lunch and see if the 2's fit...and guess what??? they did!!! OMG!! a size 2!!! YAY!!!! I was so excited in the store that i took this picture and sent it to April...LOL!


now the bad....(well not horrible bad but...)

I went to book my flight for the comp...it went up $92.00!!!! in a week!!!!! So now instead of it being $234.00 including taxes...its $320.00! WTF!!!!

So im going to wait a bit, and hopefully it will go down again.....keep your fingers crossed!!!!

Monday

Hello all! Its monday...my weigh in was the same yesterday as last week :( But i got my period too so i will take the 111 and run with it for now....but my goal is 109 for next week!!!!

I want my legs to look like this!!! So this is my inspiration for the day!

Today's workout was shoulders.....lots of shoulders :) Man, i have work to do....54 days??? Can i do this???

And now to add to the pressure...two lovely ladies are going to be at the show...Ms. Kelly O and Sherry!! So cool!!!! Very excited to be able to meet them!!!! But at the same time, i gotta step it up, cause you know all these girls that i am going to be around are all hard core.....

I have work to do!!!!

Tonight, i have to go food shopping, cardio, and have dinner done and all before 8:00 for Heroes tonight!!! Think i can do it???

whats goin on....

Ok..well first off, i apologize for not blogging for a week! I have no idea where the time goes!

Lets go back some....the weekend was nice....sunday-monday went to AC with Adam. which was nice....monday cleaned, worked out, cooked....etc.

Tuesday-today---cardio, cardio, and more cardio....with weights mixed in.... ;)

I know im leaning out...i just am still so jiggly...it has to go away!!

I started taking kre-alkyline before and after my workouts...hopefully my muscles will grow!!!!

Oh, and i forgot almost the best part of the weekend!!!! I weighed in on sunday......drumroll.......111.....yes!!!

Probably my weight will be up though this week...im due for my period and the kre-alkyline probably wont help...but we shall see! He wants me at 109 by the end of the week.....

Our office is moving tomorrow and i have been packing up everything at work all week too! Tomorrow they are bringing in bagels and cream cheese and mimosas for breakfast and then they are taking us to lunch after we move....great! I hope i can find something to eat there....or i will be starving!!! I will have an extra shake with me just in case ;)

I guess that is about it.....nothing exciting at all!!!

My pants are huge oh and i had to wear my workout shirt this morning to work because i forgot my regular bra and couldn't just wear my sports bra underneath the top i brought with me to wear to work....so i look extra cute (not!) so to sum up my look for today....size 8 pants that have to be pulled up every 3 seconds, a workout t-shirt(black and faded) and sneakers.....you know you want to look like me....LOL! Cause Im sooo sharp!!!!

Oh...and girlies...im booking my flight to Indy :) 57 days!!!!!

trying to work it

Ok, now i know i have work to do!!!!

Today i got up and did my EMC like a good girl then hit the gym and worked on my back. My back and my legs are the strongest....even though you still cant see anything on them :(

I am stepping it up big time....this saturday we will be 9 weeks out! I have 9 weeks to strip this excess fat off of me and look lean and mean...LOL!

I haven't taken pics in over a month and i think its time....not that im necessarily posting them, but just for my benefit :)

I try to envision myself on stage....walking confidently, smiling...you know strutting my stuff...trying to see myself as this tiny little muscular being...working that stage. Yeah, it looks good in my head...just getting there is what i need to do....so im trying to keep that vision in my head....trying to feel invincible....

Gotta get the cardio in.....water, meals, supplements....its all a package deal...you cant have one without the other...its all or nothing.

I also try and picture myself without this layer of fat on me.....what my legs would look like...what my ass would look like.....what my stomach would look like......in my head, i look damn hot....LOL! But that i what i want on the outside!!! I want that for real!!! And i will have it!!!

There was this girl walking down the street in front of me the other day and she had the tiniest butt.....i said, i want that butt......and then i was thinking again....my butt used to be that small....i will get it back.....i think i can be tiny again...I want to be that tiny but with muscles!!! We shall see!!!

......

On a non-fitness front....yesterday was my mom's birthday. We ate at my sister's house. We had turkey and all the sides.....i had turkey and asparagus and broccoli....then there was ice cream cake and my sister made a chocolate chip weight watchers cake....no sweets for me! Just coffee :) I was a good girl!

*******
back to fitness---
I have so much to do for this show.....besides busting my ass to lose this fat...i have to buy so much crap to take with me......i have to get a list together of what i need to buy and take with me. Makeup and eyelashes and shoes and jewlery and all that fun stuff!!!!

This is going to be a wonderful adventure!!! I cant wait!!!

EEEEK!!!!

I got my one piece yesterday!!!!! I love it!! It really brought tears to my eyes because seeing it made me feel that this was real..... here is a pic of it, but it totally does not do it any justice..its just a pic from my phone....maybe one day i will fit in it...hopefully soon!!! But it is gorgeous!!!

I still haven't told my family that i am doing the show in IL....i dont know what im waiting for...i guess just saying it out loud makes it real...

which brings me to another issue that i have.....i don't "look" like im ready to compete. I dont want to say anything to anyone because i dont think im in shape enough to tell people. Im afraid of what people will think.....like in their heads they are saying "she is getting on stage??" she is not even near ready!!

I need to really start seeing changes or im going to panic. I mean, there is a lot of pressure on me...first of all....i have to get on stage...second...i have to stand next to april and Tina and Stacy. I am no where near them!!!

I need to stop doubting myself and charge full speed ahead...which is what i am doing....dont get me wrong.....and i am leaning out....everything is huge on me.....my stomach is getting some little cuts here and there.....and i know my butt and thighs are slimmer.....i just have to keep in my head that its not going to happen over night and i need to keep plugging along :)

But it is so hard to stay positive all of the time....i am doing it though.....

Its friday!!!!

Time is just flying by! I did my hour of cardio last night and some abs....i made tuna and string beans for dinner and a salad.

At the end of the night i was so exhausted but restless....the kind of bad, tossy turney thing where you are tired but cant sleep...well i took 1/4 of an ambien before bed.....um....i dont remember anything....LOL! That's not good.....but i slept good! Woke up this morning and i was out of it....but after i washed my face and brushed my teeth, i was good to go! Didn't make the EMC though!! I will make it up tonight ;)

Had biceps and triceps today at the gym...i think Tony is trying to kill me! I had massive reps to do....i really need to strip this fat!

Now, i know the whole concept of being positive and that you aren't supposed to say "i cant" but he wanted me to do 6 sets of Olympic bar curls.....um....the olympic bar is 45 pounds without any weights...the highest i have ever curled on a barbell was 40...so how the heck was i supposed to do 6 sets of olympic bar curls.....so i just did barbell curls :) And i will until i get stronger.....does he not know how tiny i am? LOL! Or should i say wussy ;)

Kelly O....i was reading your blog this morning, and i had to cut and paste this for my blog (ihope you dont mind)...but you are very inspirational and this needed to be printed again :)

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. BELIEVE IN YOUR VISION, BELIEVE YOU CAN DO ANYTHING. DON'T EVER, EVER, EVER STOP BELIEVING. THE ONLY WAY TO FAIL IS TO GIVE UP.

DON'T EVER GIVE UP.

That is what i need to continuously tell myself! I am not giving up. I will get on that stage. I may not be perfect, i may come in with not a lot of muscle; but i will push myself farther than i have ever before. I will not falter! I will not quit! No more cheats...no more bites, licks, tastes......that is what is stopping me from getting what i want. There is popcorn in the office....right by my desk.....i will not put one kernel in my mouth!!!! All that is doing is hindering my progress....i wouldn't do it if i was one week out, why should i do it at 10?

APRIL----so excited for you for tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are going to do great girl :) I cant wait!!!!!!!!!! And then it will be November before you know it!!!!! We will be able to do this together!!!!

Ok....well i guess that is all i got for you for right now.

Dreams

Well I had a talk with Adam last night about competing. When I was explaining to him about going to Illinois with the girls, he smiled. He said "I think you should go and do the show with them....they can help you through this better than i could, and i would be bored and alone all day. You will be backstage and running around and not even near me anyway." And i said i know, but i wanted to have him in the audience cheering me on....he said that is why we have cell phones and that i would be able to celebrate with him the next day.

He was saying "i get the whole weekend to myself? Go! LOL" He is full of it though, cause i know he will miss me....when i went to the Arnold last year he called me a lot.....he loves me :)

But what he and everyone is saying is true...yes it might be crazy for me to fly to IL to do my first show, but to have April and Tina and Stacy with me would be so much easier and i would have a lot more fun....and wouldn't be having a heart attack being all by myself not knowing anyone....

So Tina.....I think you have your Charlotte!!!! And by the way, thanks for the compliment, but there is no way i am going to look half as good as you three! I will just be happy to get on that stage hoping my huge ass won't be as huge and that i have a little bit of muscle on me!!! Im really not a competitive person so i really dont care how i place....getting on that stage will be a win in itself!!!!

This is going to be so exciting!!!!!!!! I told Tony, he may have to fly out for this show!!! 4 of his Diva's in one show???? How much better can it get????

Alright ladies (and gents...if any).....it is ON!!!!!!!! And the good thing is....i get 3 more weeks prep ;)

And thank you to everyone who has been pushing me to do this....it really means the world to me :) I am so glad that i have all of you backing me!!! Who would have ever thought that I would have friends from all over the place (some who i have never met) who would understand and support me better than my own family!

Im not giving up....i will do this!!! Well that is, unless, my legs and ass look so horrible and i am too embarrassed to get up there......other than that..i will be there! LOL!

My one piece is on its way!!!!!!!!!!!

Man, i am really getting daring in my old age...LOL!

Complications

Im having some issues.

Yesterday afternoon i went to look up information on the show that i am planning to do. It was supposed to be held at Jackson High School in Jackson, NJ....which is about an hour away...not that bad. It was far, but not overly far.

Well i am searching and i find it....venue changed to Long Branch, NJ??? Where the frig is Long Branch??? Well i looked it up on Mapquest....its in North Jersey towards New York and its way over an hour and a half away!!!

So my heart drops....i get very upset...all that i have been aiming for is done...again! I get all teary eyed....

I know that Adam wont drive that far....Jackson was far enough and he wasn't too happy about that...so i knew, before i even went home yesterday that it was going to be a problem.

My other option is to fly out to Indy and meet April and compete with April, Tina and Stacey! Which is a wonderful idea, right? But i also have to take into consideration the cost of all of this. I priced airfare...its about $205.00..which isn't bad...I would leave here friday morning(early), meet april, drive to Illinois and we would have to chip in for a room for 2 nights. Then fly home on sunday morning. It would be a wonderful girls weekend and i would have them there with me for my first show..what else could i ask for??? Except for the money issue, it would be great!

But then there are these thoughts that i have in my head....that I want my husband there for support...to hug me when im done, to have my celebration stuff your face meal....and he wouldn't be there. And that makes me sad. But i also have to take this into consideration....he is not into this at all....its not that he is AGAINST it, but he thinks that this is just a silly dream that i have and that i wont be ready to get on stage in 2 months. Which makes me even sadder. And i dont know what is worse...that he doesn't think i can be stage ready in two months or the fact that he doesn't want to be there for me when i do this. His thing is that he used to be big into the sport years ago...way before me and he had gone to Bodybuilding shows and his friends were in them and he said that it is such a long day and they are boring for everyone else except the person competing...blah blah blah. So do I want that with me all day? Is he going to just make me miserable all day complaining about driving, gas, sitting there, etc??? I want someone there who is going to be so happy for me and excited to be there and help me and encourage me.

Now, i dont want to overthink this at all, but from some of the things that i have read from girls who competed already that when they did this their husbands weren't too thrilled about it either and gave them a hard time about it. I dont want to go through that. I am not a strong person and i need constant reassurance and i dont have to want to worry about making sure he is fine, and that he is happy, etc. That is why part of me really wants to go to Illinois with the girls. They will be with me...going through the same thing as me.....and we will be there to support each other :)

Some of the people at work were saying to take one of my friends with me to North Jersey. I cant. No one really understands this scene if your not in it. They dont understand what needs to be done and frankly, i dont want to bother them and im sure that they really dont want to be there either.

So what do i do? In my crying mess that i was last night, i wanted to give it all up and just forget it. Its just a silly stupid dream right? I cant ever really do this anyway, right?

I stopped those thoughts and got on the treadmill....i just kept thinking about things and started crying again....got mad at myself, and ran....this happened a few times over the course of the hour...but i got through it.

Adam just doesn't understand....all my life i have half assed everything. I always give up on everything i do. Yes, i may have had crazy ideas to do different things in the past...but this is something so scary and wonderful....i have to do this. He was just telling me to give myself more time to build more muscle and wait until next year.....NEXT YEAR!!! I cant continue to do this over and over again. June was a let down...then i aimed for August...that didn't happen....now this!!!

I have been busting my ass trying to lean out....doing 1.5-2 hours of cardio every day on top of my regular workouts....eating 99% perfect for WAY TO LONG.....so now im just supposed to stop this and wait AGAIN till next year??? I cant do it. I need to do this in November. I have a goal set in my head....and i am going to go through with it.

I just got done paying for my one piece....its being shipped tomorrow....i have to save my money as best as i can for the next few weeks.....

All that i know is that i want to do this....if i dont have Adam backing me 110% then i have to just say that im going to Illinois and im doing this without you. Which really sucks big time. I want him to be there for me. I want him to be cheering for me in the audience...but if he is going to be a big butt head, i dont want him there either ;)

So what is probably going to come out of this is one of three things:

1) I will go to Illinois with my girls and compete with them or..
2) Adam will be ther for me and will drive me and support me and take me to North Jersey or
3) I quit all of this and just be "normal" (LOL)

Its Monday! The weekend went by way to fast....and nothing fun to really show for it.

Im tired and cranky today. Dont know why either.

I got up and did EMC for 30 minutes and then hit the gym where i absolutely killed my legs! That was good...but now im all mushy....im making myself mad at my own mood! LOL!

I will be 8 weeks out this Saturday.....i am so nervous that i wont even be close to being ready. Already im self doubting myself!!! I have to stop this! Positive Positive Positive!!!!

I just wanted to give a shout out to Cynthia!!! You did it...you got the pro card!!!! YAY!!!


i will write more later.....im going to go and tan now..maybe that will make me feel better :)

TGIF!!!

Well, its friday!!! I feel so much better today! I had biceps and triceps..worked them hard!!!! I did 75 minutes of cardio last night while i watched 1 1/2 episodes of LOST.....i got really far behind on it and i love the show...ABC.com shows the full episodes so i brought the laptop down and watched them :) Adam went to his friends to watch football and i did my cardio, made dinner and watched tv...one of my favorite movies was on last night...Almost Famous.....love that movie.....

tired

Today's motivation :)

Why do i feel like i got hit by a bus? My whole entire body hurts! My legs are hurting from tuesdays leg workout....i must have slept wrong so my right side (arm/shoulder) hurt....i was in tears last night from trying to run on my ankle...i think im falling apart! And im extremely tired! I just need to keep popping fat burners for the next 9 weeks i guess :) because there is no way im giving up yet!!!

I really have to stop wearing my old work pants....they are so big on me right now..i could probably pull them down without unbuttoning them...which is good, but i look like my ass is bigger than it is right now because they are so big!

Well i got a carb up day today....1/2 cup of brown rice added to my lunch and 3oz of yams added to my dinner....we shall see if it helps :) It sure as hell isn't giving me energy thats for sure!

Last night i was a wuss and i waited until 8:00 to do my cardio...bad move...i walked in from work and i was hot and cranky so i just wanted to sit for a while..then i cooked dinner, ate and then said i was going to do cardio....when am i going to learn that i need to walk in the door, get changed and get my butt down there right away.....because it really really sucks getting done your workout at 9:30 at night and then you just have to take a shower and go to sleep....cant do it.

Suck it up Angela!!! do it early and get it over with!!!!

My workout this morning was back and some abs....i tried to do hanging leg raises....i couldn't hold on i was only able to do 3 at a time without falling off...i dont know how girls do unassisted pull ups (cynthia, martha...im sure there are plenty more)...but i have to give you all so much credit because i suck at it....im not saying i "can't" but right now its "difficult" (is that better???) I have such poor upper body strength! I will stick with my assisted pull up machine for the time being ;)

So what is Angela going to do as soon as she gets home???? Cardio...but i may have to do bike and just incline walk on the treadmill to give my ankles a break!

Let's do this!

Tara is competing this weekend in NY! Good Luck Girl :)



Ok...well the weekend was good...went by way too fast! Thursday and Friday were liquid days....well friday was liquid until dinner...then just had fish and string beans and salad...

Saturday weighed in...113.8! YAY!

Sunday weighed in 113.4! YAY! Even better :) (even though it was probably just a fluke...i dont care....every ounce counts here people..LOL)

I got in all my cardios and my workouts....i think im really starting to lean out a little....

Tony's response to my weigh in.....i want you at 110 by next week! Ok...panic!!! How the hell am i supposed to lose 3 pounds in 4 days???? So i email him back. he responds..."I didn't say when next week did I? Just keep going until i say when." WHEW!!! So i guess until he says stop...i keep going like i am until he tells me to weigh in next week :)

yes the 2 hours of cardio sucks...im not going to lie...but that is all that is helping me i think....

i bought pants on saturday...because mine are falling off....they are 4s! I was telling April that if she gets a call from me crying from a dressing room in the next couple of weeks it will be because i fit into a 2 :)

I got my period 4 days early and the cramps are kicking my ass! I have been popping tylenol to help ease the pain...being a gal sucks sometimes ;(

Other than that...im feeling good....im not cheating..im kicking butt....trying my best...that is all i can do....and hey, ya never know...maybe i will hit the 110 by next week ;)

I had it figured that if i lost a pound a week until the show i would come in around 105 which would be perfect! So i guess we shall see what happens!!!

Well i think part of me is starting to panic a little and then the other part of me is saying im fine :)

Saturday i will be 9 weeks out....i am doing two liquid days... tomorrow and friday....if i can make it two days!

I think my biggest problem is the cardio! I love the weights...but the cardio is what i need to lean me out...i know this....so why cant i get it all in???

If i want this, i need to get up and get it done...that is all there is to it. I know this..i just have to do it. Saying and doing are totally different things! I need to do it :)

Today was chest. My least favorite but i do it to the max....like i try and do all my workouts....but the cardio...i just dread it!!! Plus i have to do 15 minutes of stair walking!!!

I have a lot of work to do these coming weeks....i dont know what got me started on this crazy journey....(mmmmm...APRIL...LOL) But im in it now....and i am going to do something that is soooo far out of my comfort zone...but i am determined to get on that stage!!!! And its the day after Halloween!!! Think of all the candy i get afterwards...LOL!