worst blogger award ;)

I think im going to get the "worst blogger of the year" award....

to be honest, if i was full of motivation and goal setting and had that kick ass attitude, then maybe i would have been blogging more...but unfortunately that has not been the case...basically what it comes down to is that i will do well during the week....weekend comes and it all goes to shit....

now repeat that over and over since january....

now, back in January  i had  these big plans and be ready to try and compete again....right now i cant see that happening.....

i tried setting baby goals for myself....that didn't really work either.

I keep trying to figure out what i can do to follow my dreams...to get my head on straight....to stay focused and determined and all that good stuff....

And i think what it all comes down to is this....me wanting it and me doing it are two different things....my desire to have what i want and doing the work to get there....me feeling like a champion rather than feeling like a failure....

i can have all the desire and the dreams in my head that i want...until it is acted out...that is all it is...a dream....

I live it all out by watching everyone else accomplish their dreams...while i sit there and then feel bad that i haven't done it.

I honestly dont know what im waiting for???  I think im afraid of failing...im afraid of pushing myself mentally and physically...because we all know how much easier it is to give up than to push yourself out of your comfort zone.

I have a trainer and a team that i pay very good money for every month....you would think that maybe i would want to put all that money to good use and do what im supposed to do?

I cant needs to be removed from my mindset.....every excuse that goes through my head needs to disappear if i want to accomplish anything.....

So on that note.....

I will attempt to update more :)

new year!

Where can I start? 

I can start off with a Happy New Years!  Im only 9 days late…

The holidays were nice.  Part of me is glad they are over.  I don’t like having food in front of me constantly and having to run here and there and everywhere trying to get stuff done.  

I started my new meal/workout plan on Monday.  I have my work cut out for me if I want to get on stage this year, which is my goal…since I didn’t fulfill my goals for last year.  I know last year I started off the same way and then it all fell to shit…once again.  I refuse to let that happen again. 

I stopped using Splenda as of Monday...i wonder if that will help???  Im using stevia and very little cream in my coffee...we will see? Some say it bloats you...im not sure if im bloated or just fat!  LOL!

One of the main reasons is that im at a higher weight than I have ever been in my entire life!!  Im getting older and its getting harder for the weight to come off too I guess?  Well, that and the fact that I ate crap constantly and then wonder why I gained weight? 

There are a few shows that im contemplating…

May 4^th in Pittsburgh…which is like 17 weeks away?  Not sure if that is enough time…

June 1^st…which is 21 weeks?  Atlantic States in NYC..

June 29^th – Philadelphia (Tracy Greenwood) which is like 25 weeks away…seems like an insane amount of time, but anyone who knows, knows how fast it goes by!

So my plan of attack is this….as of now…..

The Arnold (yay April!!)…..so I want to be down about 10 by then….which is 8 weeks away.  This should hopefully give me some idea if I can lose the weight like I need to and then be able to continue on that path.

Go to Daytona sometime in March/April to do Bombshell Camp so I can have  a better timeline of what I need to do. 

One of the toughest parts is trying not to get down on myself.  I am constantly bashing myself in my head.  I need to be confident and secure. 

One of my favorite sayings is “don’t give up on something that you cannot go one day without thinking about” ….executing it is going to be what I need to work on ;)

Until next time….