Same old......

I'm NOT the same anymore. I'm someone better, stronger, leaner and more powerful than most can understand. My body, life and mind are and will NEVER be same. I'm the girl I always wanted to become and it gets better every day with every breath I breathe."

My new motto.....Tony had sent it to me a while back, and i was looking through my emails and decided that it was going to be my new motto and i am going to repeat it over and over again....which is why i put it in my heading (look up :)

We went for tuxes last night......it kinda freaked me out...like wow, this is really happening! Scary!

I emailed T and asked him, how lean he thinks he can get me by Feb 1st.....we shall see what he says :)

I keep picking.....my sweet cravings are in overdrive since christmas.....i just ate a couple broken pieces of chocolate covered pretzels which were in the kitchen here at work....what is wrong with me? Mindless eating strikes again.....i swear i will try to keep strong.....

One of my girlfriends sent an email inviting all us girls over her house on Sunday for lunch.....Vodka Pene, chicken cutlets, and salad and wine......what is on that list that i can eat??? nothing!!! I may just say no, but i have to wait and see if my friend Sherri is going, if she is going, then maybe i will go, and just bring my own food :( I will see....

Its so hard to say goodbye.........

I am so glad that Christmas is over! Not that it wasn't nice, but the crap that i consumed over a 3 day period just was not good.....i think i gained about 5 pounds.....all for what? Nothing but guilt and regret....maybe someday i will learn from my mistakes and realize that i know what a cookie tastes like and have enough sense in my brain to know that its really not worth it. Cause all i am now is fat and guilty.

Ok, people, i am going to have a heart attack.....just look over to the side of this blog....35 days! Thats it! OMG!

Tonight....tuxes
January 8.....laser hair removal...(yes, i am a hairy monkey....im italian...come on...LOL) and then at night, my sister's fitting and Angelica's fitting
January 9-my father's surgery
January 10-hair and make-up trial
January 15-My fitting
January 26-Bachelor/Bachelorette Party
January 31-Rehersal dinner
February 1-wedding
February 3-CANCUN!

Ok, now in between all those other dates.....favors have to be done, we have to get our rings, we have to meet with the band, get marriage licence, i have to tan, .....and probably a million more things....AAAH!

On the fitness front.....i am eating clean...thank god.....and working out hard! I went back to the gym after work and did more cardio.....cardio is my new friend.....we love each other :)

Merry Christmas!!!

Things have been crazy busy...lets see...Friday was my Christmas party after work...it was really nice....the food was awesome....i actually didn't eat too bad, but i did have a few drinks/..i did have a bit of dessert...cheesecake...i think it was probably the best tasting cheesecake i have ever eaten in my entire life...seriously....Saturday, i did some cleaning, and some wrapping.....today, i made my oreo balls and my sister had dinner at her and her hubby's house. It was supposed to be my family and Nicky's family together....well my dad is sick, so he stayed home, and my mom started to get sick this morning, and since michelle is pregnant, she didn't want my mom to come over and infect everyone...so she stayed home too....so for my sister's side of the family, it was just me adam and angelica. But it was nice. So now i have to finish wrapping presents and get organized. Adam has to work tomorrow until noon, so me and angelica are going to make the reindeer cookies while we wait for him to come home. Then we will open her presents. She thinks Santa comes twice. Once at our house on Christmas eve, and then at her moms house on Christmas morning. This will probably be the last year, since she is 9...im glad she still believes though.....well its at least what she is telling us anyway.....

My mom does christmas eve dinner (the whole italian 7 fishes deal) and then does Christmas day dinner...it is so much work for her...I try and help out as best as i can...i honestly dont know how she does it all...but now having a cold this year isn't helping her out at all!

Oh and what is up with this weather??? It is 60 degrees right now and its 9:00 at night~ have you ever heard of such a thing???

Anyhoo.....i hope everyone has a wonderful christmas eve and christmas day! Enjoy :)

Where do the days go?

Geeze.....time flies when your having fun.....i cant believe its been so long since i posted....

Christmas is almost here(thank god) and i am pretty much done my shopping...i just have to get a few more gift cards and im done!

Adam got me a new MP3 player...i wanted the new Ipod Nano, but i have always went with the Creative brand because its a pain in the ass having two apple devices on one computer....the libraries get all messed up and our tastes in music are TOTALLY OPPOSITE! so i got a new one with the video on it....how fun! I cant wait to use it....i can download pics and tv shows and movies.....something to keep me busy during all of my upcoming overload of cardio that i will be doing in January! So hopefully this will keep me busy :)

I think i am going to either make April's Oreo balls or maybe the Oreo dirt cake for christmas...yum....and i may actually have a little bit of it...because once January hits, its back on strict mode.....i cant believe that my wedding is only 43 days away!!!!! oh my god! So much to do....no time to do it.....i know it will all get done.

I emailed Tony and told him that i wanted to do a comp and he said that he will totally have me stage ready by June! I cant wait......im petrified.....but i want to do this...and i will do this!!!!

And for your listening pleasure....my favorite christmas song :)

http://www.minibite.com/christmas/hippo.htm

TGIF

It's friday! YAY! I have so much shopping to finish up on this week...i would really love to be able to finish this weekend and not have to worry about rushing around during the week and next weekend. We shall see...the weather is supposed to be crappy sat/sunday.

Tomorrow is my dress fitting....and unfortunately, i didn't get down to the weight that i wanted/needed to be at for this fitting .....and im pms'ing big time and by boobs are huge!!!! Yeah, lets add to my sadness!!!

I had an awesome leg workout this morning though! I went up on my weights (alot) and it just goes to show that im not pushing myself hard enough....i guess that is one good thing about having someone train along with you, so they could push you harder...but i would never find anyone that could compare to Tony, so fuggetaboutit....LOL!

Eating has been great.....well except for the cookie last night.....i told you i was PMSing!!!! I just had to have something sweet....so shoot me!!!

Tonight I have my brother-in-law's birthday dinner/cake at my sister's house. I am bringing my own food with me....and a protien bar in case i want something sweet while they are all eating cake in front of me.

Oh, my sister and Nicky are having a BOY! They changed her due date a little bit too....to April 22nd.

I made an appointment for a hair/makeup trial for January 10th. I have no idea what to do with my hair as far as bringing a picture with me..but i know that

1) I want to wear my veil higher on my head, and not underneath my hair;
2) I want to wear it all up, and straight back, no bangs;
3) I want something bun-like, twists, curls,something, but not too far up on my head
4) Nothing too big and poofy either....

So basically, something simple and pretty.....and maybe just those little pieces hanging in the front? Not sure...sometimes, it looks sloppy.....

Im getting there....slowly but surely......we are going to check out and pick out tuxes on Monday, and I am going to try and drag him to City Hall next wednesday for the marriage licence. I want to get that done and out of the way..the only night they are there late is Wednesdays....i dont want to keep putting things off....cause time is flying!!!!

My aunt came home from the hosptial on Sunday and me and adam went to see her. She looked good....she is doing a lot better thank god.

I had chest and back this morning.....i do love working my back.....eating has been great...except for some nut mix last night :( I am going to go back and do more cardio again tonight after work.....no rest for the weary right? I am a big bloated mess though because its that "time" unfortunately...so yeah, all fat and bloated and "hey lets go for a dress fitting" Great! i wanted to be as lean as possible, and now im going to be fatter than ever! I hate my life!!!! Well, not really but this does suck.

Our work got these two massive trays in today...the first tray has lunchmeat on it, and the other one is a jewish tray with salmon(lox and bagels) and fishes and cream chesse, etc...plus potato salad, coleslaw, bagels, bread, etc........it is ridiculous! So, i went in there early and got my dibs on the carved turkey, a pickle, onion, mustard and a piece of cheese....oh and some salmon....thats it....and it is actually very filling......im just filling up on the turkey....god i want a roll....LOL!

For my shower i got the Cuisnart griddler...i wanted that thing so bad :) So i made turkey burgers on there last night...they were good. I made a few extras too :) I want to try and grill asparagus on there. YUM!

I have so much shopping left to do....i gotta get moving!! This weekend is it! Its coming so fast!!!

its monday already????

Its monday....and its so rainy/icky out! I took my invitations to the post office this morning! Its officially happening now...no turning back..LOL! I had a great leg workout this morning..i probably(hopefully) wont be able to walk tomorrow....hehe!!! I am going to go back after work and do more cardio.....cardio is going to be my new best friend! We went to the mall on Saturday to do some shopping and we stopped at Sears to look at the treadmills/ellipticals.....i am leaning more toward a treadmill, because i can only do the elliptical for short periods of time without wanting to kill myself....and i think i will get the most use out of a treadmill. So we will see...but we need something soon....I got some shopping done on sunday. Me and my mom went sunday morning (which, by the way, is the best time to shop....no one is there at 9:30 in the morning!) It was wonderful...and we were done around 1:00 and it was packed!!! So im glad we went early!

Im trying to be organized with everything (the wedding, christmas) and there is so much to do! I made lists, but i need new lists i think....lol! I ordered a photobook from Snapfish that i am using as a sign in book at the wedding...its just pictures of me and him and all the guests can sign the book and it will be a keepsake for us :) I got the idea from one of the photographers that we went to see(who was soooo overpriced), and my sister was like "you can make that yourself on snapfish" which is what i did :)

Im doing no carbs this week....well not totally no carb, but very low carb.....want to try and be as lean as possible on saturday.....time is flying.....next week is it...then its christmas! It went so fast. I need to start tanning too....there used to be a salon on the corner of my street, which was sooo convenient...but it closed :( So now i have to find someplace new to go to....part of me wants to start now but only go like 1-2 times a week and then in january go more...but i dont want to be too dark either...i will look retarded being tan in february....i just want some color so i dont look like a vampire in my pics...LOL!

I tried contacting the OCB to get an exact date and place for the show i want to do in june but everytime i email, it comes back undeliverable :( what is up with that???? Hopefully they will post it soon so i can do a countdown clock for it.....one of my friends asked me if i was still considering doing a show and i said yeah, and she said can i come? i said of course! That would be great!!! Now i really have to step it up... i know i can do this....it is going to take a lot of hard work, my body needs a lot of work...but i know that with the support of all of my diva's out there i can do it!!

I am so ready to go home! It is snowing here and im at work and i just want to go home!

I am going to my mom's after work for dinner and to finish the invitations. Hopefully they will be all ready to go out by tomorrow or monday :) YAY!!!

I had abs and cardio this morning. Eating has been good except for a few hershey kisses :)

I am doing no carbs all next week....my next dress fitting is on the 15th, which is next saturday! Eeeeek! And i had a bet with adam for my weight for next saturday for new sneakers....i said i wanted to be at 115.....i dont know if thats gonna happen....we shall see!!! Hopefully the no carbs and the double cardio.....maybe then i can do it.....cause i need new sneakers desperately!!!

My upper body is really making improvements....now if it could only move a little further down.....

back to normal??

Im feeling better now that i got my rant out.....looking back, i do tend to rant a lot...LOL! Anyway, back to business! Workouts going great....i have actually gone back to the gym after work again for more cardio! Only 35 minutes, but hey, at least its something extra! I get down on myself too much, i need to stay more positive. it is just really hard being that way because i have been down on myself for so long, its hard to change the mindset.

***

Anyway, i didn't talk about last Thursday-Friday in Atlantic City! It was really nice. We got down the shore at about 7:00 Thursday night. We checked in and then went to get something to eat..we were starving! We wound up eating at PF Changs which is in the hotel....i didn't eat too bad...we ordered steamed shrimp dumplings, crab wontons(only had one) and stir fry chicken. We then went down to the pier where they have all these new "upscale" shops..but we got there and it was closed :( So we walked back and gambled a bit.....lost of course, and then went back to the room......the next morning we went to breakfast....i didn't do too bad there either...but i did have half a corn muffin and a piece of bacon.......and then i wonder why i cant lose weight! But we walked a lot afterwards...they have an outlet mall so we walked around there for about an hour or two.....i wish i had more money to buy christmas presents...i could have got something done!

***

Back to the workouts....monday i did chest, tuesday, legs, today shoulders and back. Hopefully i will be able to get back to the gym the rest of the week after work to do more extra....

**

On the wedding front.....invitations should be done tonight to be picked up. I have to go and buy stamps at lunch. The invitations should be going out tomorrow or friday! I can't believe its only 57 days away!!! Time is flying!!! Oh, and the bridal salon called me last night and moved my appointment up to the 15th...which is next saturday! I think im doing no carbs all next week :)

**

My dad found out about a month ago that he has prostate cancer. It was VERY upsetting at first, but after he met with the top doctors at Jefferson we found out that he has a very low grade and they gave him two options....operate and take out the prostate or radiation.....they told him that the best option is to operate and not have to worry. So that is what he is doing. The only thing is the operation is scheduled for January 9th....which only gives him a few weeks of recovery before the wedding. I asked my mom to see if it would be an issue at all to postpone it until the week after the wedding. Only because my father is a worry wart and he already thinks something is going to go wrong, he is going to make himself crazy....and recovery is only supposed to be a week or two which is fine and he should be fine by the wedding but what if he's not? I only want it postponed ONLY if the doctor thinks waiting 3 weeks wouldn't make a difference...if he thinks it will AT ALL then go with the January date....god forbid if he waits and something happens...it will all be my fault! I know he is going to be fine....but its my daddy and i want him to be ok.....

**

I have that on my brain on top of all the other stuff....and then i have my aunt marlene...my dad's sister, who also found out that she has cervical cancer...which she has been operated on already...she had to get a full hysterectomy..but she had complications and she was in ICU and all and she is finally in a regular room after two weeks and is finally able to take fluids and hopefully food soon...so my dad now thinks that he is going to have complications too...so that is the only reason i wanted the date moved.

**

Then all the christmas crap....i decorated finally over the weekend....i just have to do the tree...which will wait and do when Angelica comes over this weekend...and hopefully i will be able to take her to go and see Enchanted...finally!!

Im tired

Im tired of..... working out and then eating something i shouldn't and defeating the whole purpose of exercising.

Im tired of......feeling guilty after eating something bad

Im tired of.....eating 100% clean during the week and then the weekend comes and it all goes to shit

Im tired of......working out everyday and looking back at old workouts and the weights that im using on exercises has not increased that dramatically

Im tired of......not being able to get back to the weight i was in the summer...when i still thought i was fat

Im tired of.....looking in the mirror and hating what i see

Im tired of....hating myself

Im tired of....not having the energy to go back to the gym after work to do more cardio

Im tired of...not having money

Im tired of....looking at my house and discover that one room is messier than the next and cleaning and not getting anywhere!
Im tired of...feeling guilty for Adam and Michelle not getting along
Im tired of....trying to figure out all this wedding crap
Im tired of....trying to figure out how im going to get money for all this wedding crap
Im tired of...being disorganized at home and at work
Im tired of....figuring out what to buy people for christmas presents
Im tired of....worrying about getting down to 115 pounds by my next fitting
Im tired of....making excuses for not doing what im supposed to be doing fitness wise
Im tired of....getting depressed about when i look back at my blog and all i do is complain about losing weight and not just doing it
Im tired of.....typing this list

elfed!

Now its my turn to be elfed :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HONEY!!!

Happy Birthday Adam! Today is Adam's birthday! I just wanted to say that i love him and this will be his last "single" birthday!! LOL! I made him seared ahi tuna and wasabi mashed potatoes for dinner :) YUM! I just had the tuna and a salad though...no taters for me :)



I was able to get in another 45 minutes on the gazelle again tonight. I gotta try and keep up with the extra cardio as much as i can.....21 days until my next fitting!!!

I can't wait until thursday when we go to Atlantic City....maybe i will win a lot of money....nah, i don't really gamble....i put in 20.00 and i feel guilty!

oh well....I had a great shoulder workout this morning....back tomorrow!!!!

Thanksgiving....over!

Well, Thanksgiving is over....i didn't do too bad with eating....it only took me 35 years to realize that you dont have to stuff yourself sick to enjoy the holiday! I had little portions of what i wanted to eat, and i was fine. Dinner was nice. It was a lot different than the normal though. Usually we go to my Aunt Marlene's house and we have dinner with the whole family....probably over 20 people...well my Aunt Marlene had to have surgery on the 19th and she is still in the hospital. So it was a very different Thanksgiving. Myy mom made dinner but it was only 7 of us. Then for dessert my cousins came over after they got back from the hospital with the kids, which was nice....so it made it a little more crazy and normal :)


It was nice being off of work for 4 days though. Today was rough going back...but i like being back in the groove of planning all my meals and working out in the morning. I need to be on a schedule or all hell breaks loose! During the week i am so scheduled, food wise and with exercise. Being off work really throws my schedule off course.

Tomorrow is Adam's birthday. We are going to go down to Atlantic City on Thursday to celebrate and stay overnight, so i took off work on Friday! So i have intentions on decorating next weekend!

Yesterday i ordered a new coffee table and end tables for my living room. I hope they look ok. I got a little bit of a darker wood i hope it matches ok, that and i hope its not too big! My living room is kinda tiny. We shall see. They are being delivered on Thursday.

I guess thats all i got for now. I want to go back to the gym after work tonight to do more cardio....or i might just go home and do the gazelle....i will see how i feel at 5!

What does it really take?

Well Im feeling a little bit better now since my pity party..and i feel a lot better after reading this article...

http://www.musclewithattitude.com/portal_includes/articles/figure2007/07-FIG038-feature.html

talk about motivating!!! I actually even printed it out for me to read over and over again!

I dont know why i get like that...i have been good...but im not pushing myself...at all...im not doing any extra...which is why i think, im not making any improvements. I look the same, or worse, than what i did a few months ago. I know that it is a little bit of both....not pushing myself harder in my workouts, doing any extra cardio...and my eating. More so, my eating.....everyone knows that diet is 90% of making any changes in your body...and yet, i find myself eating what i KNOW i shouldn't be eating. I am my own worst enemy....and im only hurting myself. Its self saboutage. Am i afraid of getting into shape? Am i afraid of getting attention? Am I so used to being overweight and unhappy that i am deliberatey eating the wrong things so i can't succeed? These are the questions that i have been thinking. One part of me wants to finally be able to wear a bathing suit without shorts or a sarong....or even better....to be a person who wants to get on stage in hooker shoes and be judged on my physique! So, then what is my problem? Do i not have it in me to push myself and give myself what i truly want? Why cant i have the drive and ambition that so many girls have to do this? That good side of me wants it so badly...and the other side (who usually wins) is the lazy side and the unbeliever who thinks that i will never be able to do it...so i have always listened to the loser side. What finally clicks in a person to make them succeed? What is that drive and motivation to push yourself to limits where you have never been? My idea should be goals...what i mean is to set some...everyone says that is what needs to be done...short term and long term....ok, simply put, my short term is to lose enough and look damn good for my wedding and honeymoon. Long term....get on that stage and compete in my first figure competition. See? I have them...now for the fire???? What do i have to do in my little brain of mine, to say enough is enough, this is what im going to do, no matter what, and no one is going to stop me! It should be enough to just say this is what i want to do and just do it. But the thing that throws me off is how easy it is to give up. What makes people, especially fitness chicks, what makes them want this and not want to give up? What makes them not want to eat what everyone else is eating and not give in and eat it anyway? Is it focus? Is it determination? Is it drive? Im just so used to giving up and settling. I want to finally do what i set out to do...cause right now, whatever i have been doing, isn't working....being able to push myself out of my comfort zone is something that i have to do...and simply put....maybe im just scared...and i don't want to be scared anymore....i want to do this. For myself and for others who think that i can't do it. To prove it to myself that i can be fit and strong and pretty and confident. All my life, i have been down on myself, hating myself, beating myself up...to undo all that will take time, i know...but that should be more of a reason to push myself, shouldn't it?

I can curse here and i need to curse...LOL! IM A FUCKING COW!! There...i said it. No positive talking right now....it my TOM and im in a crappy mood and my weight is not where it was, and its not where it should be! And i want to try and stay positive and yay me but im getting depressed....and its my fault, i know it is. Im getting worse instead of better and i have a fucking wedding dress to fit into in seventy something days! I hate myself....

Ok...im done....i will try and be a happy camper later...

????

Im in the gym this morning. There is this girl there, probably in her 20s. I have seen her in there before and its always the same....she goes from one machine to the next, does ONE set on each, random machine(with very bad form) and READS A TABLOID MAGAZINE while doing each exercise!!! I was watching her go from a back machine to a shoulder machine to a leg machine.... I just dont get it!!! Why does this annoy me so badly???? I shouldn't care that she is totally just wasting her time...but it does! Actually i have seen so many people in the gym doing crazy shit...it boggles my mind....Now, please dont think that i think that im better than anyone there, because that is soo not the case...believe me, i have far to go and a lot more to learn....but at least my heart and my mind is in it while im there. Does anyone else see this? Does this bother anyone else? Or am i just crazy?

Honeymoon....check!

Well we booked our honeymoon yesterday!!! YAY! We are going to Cancun Mexico from February 3-10th! I cannot wait! We are actually staying at the same place we stayed 4 years ago....creatures of habit i guess....we were going to go someplace different but we were looking at it from this perspective.....he(more than me) have been there already so we are not truly tourists so we can relax and enjoy ourselves instead of sightseeing. So that's what we are doing....here is a pic of our hotel..




I should do another countdown clock for my next fitting...i want to be at LEAST 5 pounds less by December 18th.....oh, that is another thing i lost when i switched templates!!! damit!!! I have to add that back on...LOL!

New Template!

Well i found this site for new templates....i like it...what do ya think? The only thing was that i lost the list of all my girls!!! Are they gone forever? man...i hate recreating things.....and my flicker picture thing is gone too :( OH well!

Ive Been Tagged

Yes my buddy April has tagged me! Lets see what i've got....

1) I think i spend more time on the internet than i do working

2) I used to be afraid of Guy Smiley on Sesame Street...my mom said i used to cry everytime he came on...LOL!

3) I met Johnnie Depp, Alyssa Milano and John Stamos at a car show in 1988.I stood in line to meet Johnnie Depp for 6 hours just to get a picture with him!!! I loved him!!!

4) I have to sleep with one leg out from underneath the covers.

5) Bon Jovi is my favorite band of all time!!!

Well i think that's all i got for now!!! I will post my weekend and stuff later :)

Cake Tasting 101

So do you like my wedding cake???? I had my cake tasting tonight. We got to the bakery at 7:00 and the baker had 6 different little cakes laid out for us. Me and my mom and my sister and Nicky went. Adam had no interest in cake and he had a work dinner to go to. The cakes were all labled: chocolate, raspberry vanilla, pound, red velvet, chocolate chip and a vanilla passionfruit. They were all pretty good except the passionfruit..it tasted like grapefruit...blech! Actually the red velvet was good but it looked like blood! LOL! So he is going to do a 4 layer cake...the top two layers are going to be chocolate and the bottom two are going to be pound. YUMBALINA!!!

Yes, i tasted them all, and i am sooo paying for it now! I am so sick to my stomach! And i didn't even eat a lot...i only took a bite or two of each!

Oh, and I ordered the favor tags for the favors....they just say "Angela and Adam" and then the date...February 1, 2008....aint they cute?



Invitations go out in 3 weeks.....3 freaking weeks!!! OMG! Time is going wayyyy to fast!!!! We still have to book the honeymoon!!! I am SOOO looking forward to that!

Fitness front....well besides eating cake....its been ok....i need to lose at least 5 pounds by December 18th.....tick tock......oh yeah, which leads me back to my dress fitting on Tuesday....the dress is beautiful...i love it....thank god i listened to myself and went with the size 8...the dress lady wanted to order me a 6 according to my measurements...i figured, i would rather take in than have to worry about taking out! It was soo tight! I guess the dress ran small (or i got fatter) but at first she had the dress up high on my chest and it wouldn't zipper! I almost had a heart attack! But then she lowered it to where it should be and it went up...but it was still tight....and the skin on my back was pushed up over the back....yes i had fucking back fat!!!! But not horribly bad...but that ain't gonna happen! So i MUST i repeat MUST lose at least 5-6 pounds by my next fitting....which should be tons of fun since its the week before christmas! God i just love my life!!!! WTF!

My Bridal Shower & Angelica's 9th Birthday

Guess what i walked into yesterday??? Surprise! My bridal shower! I had no idea....well i was thinking about it yesterday morning but everyone was so good, i had no clue! Everything was throwing me off...even down to Adam taking Angelica home early. Everything was beautiful...it was a really nice day! I got so many nice things! Now, to change my old and replace it with the new! Right now they are in the corner of my dining room and it doesn't look too pretty!

Here are a couple of pics...i will try and do a slideshow as soon as i get more pics!







Friday was Angelica's 9th Birthday! Saturday we were having dinner and cake for her...which meant that i had to clean all day! I was exhausted by the time all was done...i think i was asleep before 11:00! My parents came over and my brother and my friend sherri. I made Angelica's favorite...raviolis and we had ice cream cake for dessert! I also made pumpkin nut muffins and white chocolate macadamia nut cookies!! YUM! She loves webkinz...we got her 2 of them, my mom got her one, and my sister got her one too! I think she has like 21 of them now!






So it was a lovely weekend! Tomorrow I go for my first dress fitting....eeek!!!

Happy Halloween Everyone!!!

Well im trying to get by with not eating any candy....last night i made up little goodie bags (with 2-3 pieces in each bag) I made up 80 bags and i still have a ton of candy left! Whatever is left over is coming to work with me so they can eat it here...i will just save some reese peanut butter cups home for Adam...they are his favorite :) I had a baby bag of M&ms while making the bags up....i figured they would be the "healthiest" of the candy...LOL!

On the fitness front....monday...legs, tuesday...chest....today....biceps and abs...tomorrow...back and abs....friday....shoulders....saturday....triceps....

Sunday i have my girlfriend's 35th birthday brunch/lunch....eating is going to be tough that day too! I can't wait until im back with Tony so that i can be more focused and strict again...he is going to be so surprised when i tell him that i want to compete....im sure he will be able to get me where i need to be! I just hope i can do it....i look at all of these girls who compete and if they can do it i can too....i think im just scared of getting out there in front of strangers in a bikini!!! That is what is freaking me out....you have to remember....i wont even wear a bathing suit without shorts..EVER....and years ago, even when i was thinner, i would wear either shorts or a shirt over my bathing suit....and im going to the extreme of wearing one IN HEELS on STAGE!!! The dieting and the workouts i can handle....the fear of the show is what i cant believe im considering! AHHH!!! But i want to do this....i need to do this....for me! I cant wait to pick a show to do!!

On the wedding front....i have my fitting on the 6th and a cake tasting on the 8th. Im waiting for my proofs to come back for my invitations so they can be ordered.

Angelica's birthday is Friday...she is going to be 9 years old! God, time flies so fast! I have been with her since her 3rd birthday...and even though im only a step-parent, when i look back at pictures of her and see how much she has grown, i get those "she is getting so big" thoughts of sadness and how wonderful she is. When i think like that, it makes me want a baby....but then im around other peoples kids and i dont anymore...LOL! Instant birth control!!!! And besides being a step mom im also a wonderful mommy to my doggie and cat....and they love ya no matter what...and dont answer you back! LOL!

im here

Lets see...what is going on??? Well i ordered my invitations and my matchbooks and napkins for the wedding and i got my bra for my dress. I have my first fitting on November 6th. The thing that sucks about that is the balance has to be paid in full at the time of the fitting and the alterations (which could run from 175-275) have to be paid in full too ---IN CASH! WTF!

On the fitness front....workouts going great...food is good....the only thing im "cheating" with is popcorn..... i cant stop eating it for some reason! But if that is the worst thing im eating, i guess its not so bad....oh and i had a mini bag of M&Ms yesterday :(

Me and April are going to the Arnold at the end of February! Im so excited!! I get to meet April finally!!!! YAY! I hope Jamie Eason is there...i would love to meet her!

I have a lot of work to do..both with myself and for this wedding....i was getting down on myself yesterday. I was thinking about my body and how i should be looking by now...and i shouldn't look the way i do! I should be at my goal weight or at least a lot closer than i am to it....i dont know what it is...im having such a hard time....my eating isn't horrible by any means...and i work out every day during the week and either saturday or sunday. I should be a lot better than i am....my weight flucuates up 2 pounds down 2 pounds constantly...its starting to piss me off! At the beginning of the summer i hit my lowest weight so far...114.5! I was soo excited. Then vacation came and it seems that after that, i haven't been able to get my weight down again...now lately its been 117....i need to lose this weight and be at my goal or at least 112 or 110 by February! Its not a lot of weight to lose at all...but why is it so hard? I really think all it comes down to is more cardio....and if i am going to compete next year i better get used to the extra cardio...i really need to bust my ass the next couple of months...i haven't even taken progress pictures because im not liking myself....but one good thing...when i went to get my bra....instead of a 34 i got a 32! That made me feel good....but i still had to get a D! I was hoping to lose some of my "girls" since losing weight!

Ok...im off to eat my salmon and salad :)

this and that

Yay! its friday! Finally....well my 4 days of no carbs went pretty good i think..i lost 2 pounds...but the good part of losing the two pounds is that im due for my "friend" today or tomorrow so im usually a big bloated mess...and im not :) Which is wonderful :)

Workout today was biceps and triceps....yesterday was chest...wednesday back and abs, tuesday-shoulders, monday-legs..(i dont know why i just went backwards..LOL)

Anyway...last night i went to my moms for dinner....she made pasta for everyone except me...i had tilapia and a little bit of salad....then my mom (god love her) but she goes and makes those Betty Crocker Chocolate Chip Cookies (ya know the bag mix that you just add eggs and oil and whatever else to)...they smelled sooo good...so she made cookies for absolutely no reason except to have something for a snack....which is sooo wrong....of course my sister didn't mind because she is pregnant and doesnt care..(now you know why i have food issues) But even my mom who is supposed to be on weight watchers and pays for the damn thing every week...i just dont get it. Oh and then i first got to my mom's she was watching "the biggest loser" from two weeks ago that she had on DVR...and i think it was one of the girls on the black team was saying how she used to diet all the time and never made any progress because all she did was sit on the couch and complain about being fat....to which my mom says "that is my problem, i have to get in the groove and start walking again but i just sit on the couch"....my response?? Well dont talk about it...just do it....there is absolutely no reason why you cant walk for 30 minutes a day! (Please take into consideration that my mom is not obese or anything by any means....but she wants to lose about 20 pounds or so)...stop bitching and do something and stop eating COOKIES!!!!

Why i get angry is this....that is how i used to be....i sat on the couch and complained.....and cried...and now since my whole mindset is different...i dont complain...(well i do a little bit..LOL) but i am still working out 6 days a week and eating clean and i will get the body that i want....i know how long it takes and how much hard work goes into it...but that isn't an issue anymore.....now its all about improvement...pushing myself more and more..constantly making better choices and feeling better about myself....never in a million years would i have ever thought that i would be getting up and going to the gym every morning at 6:30 and packing my food, and having work people make fun of all of my containers...don't get me wrong...i still have a long road ahead of me and a lot more fat to get rid of...but im doing it..no matter what....

And another thing.....to compete....never ever in my crazy head of mine ever thought i would be able to compete...now that has changed also..and getting my butt on a plane by myself to go to the Arnold?? That is a HUGE step for me...i never do what i want to do...and this is a big deal and i am SOOO doing it and its going to be great....and i get to meet my girl April..FINALLY!!! And Im sure i will be meeting many more people who are going there too!!! I cannot wait!

Wedding stuff....my wedding venue has changed....Les who runs Colleens where i am having my wedding bought a new place which is closer to me and he is redoing the whole place over. So i wont have to worry about:

1) Finding a place to take pictures (the original place didn't have a place to take pictures so i was trying to find a hotel with a nice lobby to use and just book a room there so it wouldn't be a problem)

2) Its a lot easier to get to...especially at 6:00 on a friday during rush hour traffic...

3) I think it comes with a complementary bridal suite and a honeymoon suite.

So my only worry is just making sure that the construction will be done!! He promised me that it would be....

Next up...i have to order invitations this week...im glad i picked them out already..that was a pain in the ass...then i have to go and by my undergarments because i have my first fitting next week....

this wedding planning crap is for the birds....its a pain in the ass...it really is....i knew we should have just went to the bahamas...LOL!

Ok, i think im done...

Surprise!

I got a phone call last night....Tony called me! He wanted to check up on me to see how I was holding up! That was soooo cool! He is so inspiring...the 10 minutes i was on the phone with him gave me a more positive mindset! He asked me if i was staying positive..i told him sometimes...i said "that is what i had you for"...LOL! I told him i would be back after the wedding and to get ready to train me to compete! He said i could definitely do it!!!

Well that was my excitement for the week...LOL!

I was trying to figure out plans for the Arnold in February...every hotel is already booked and i dont know the area to stay far out of the area...something has to be figured out soon i guess....apparently everyone already has made plans!

decisions decisions!

I just got back from the gym...i did an hour of cardio on the treadmill! I had to get my ass back in there....i feel like a cow...weight was the same this morning but i just feel blech! So i did an hour and honestly, i do not know how you girls who compete do all the extra cardio....your legs must want to just fall off! The balls of my feet were killing me! But i better get used to it..i am going to do double cardio as much as possible from now on....one because i have my first dress fitting in two weeks...second because the holidays are coming and i just think that there will be no way around it but to dedicate myself to going above and beyond! I am going to ask Adam to make sure that my butt gets moving...i want him to give me that push...even when i am tired and dont want to do it....i need to do this!

The weekend went by in a flash...again. We had Angelica from friday which was nice. We really didn't do much at all though. Tonight is my brother's birthday. My mom is having the family over for dinner and cake and stuff...Im not going for dinner though. I can't...i am not going to destroy whatever gains i made today in the gym by going there and eating whatever she made...and as far as cake goes? None for me thanks. I cant do it....i have very little willpower, but what i do have, needs to be used tonight. I feel bad not going for dinner...but what am i missing??? Meatballs and sausage...shrimp and rice...roast beef sandwiches...and god knows what else! So i will make my chicken and my broccoli and be done!

I think i have made a decision.....and since i am typing this for all to see, i think that i have made up my mind....i think i want to compete...there...i said it...now you all have to hold me accountable...LOL! After the wedding in February and the honeymoon...etc....i can have my Tony back...and i am going to look into the schedules to see what show i can possibly do...and for more motivation...I (well really me and April) have decided to go to the Arnold in Ohio at the end of February! If that doesn't motivate me...nothing will! I am sooo looking forward to that!

On that note....i am going to start dinner...and i desperately need a shower!!!!

Ciao!

WTH!

Things are the same here....i am going to the place im having my wedding tonight to go over all the stuff...times, colors, cake, etc....fun stuff....well adam doesn't think so, but i do :)

Workouts going good....

Monday: legs
Tuesday: chest
Wednesday: shoulders/biceps
Thursday: triceps/abs
Friday: back and abs

I have workout sheets everywhere! I really have to get organized and put them all into the binder....im such a slob!

Here is a picture of me and Adam from the wedding we went to on Sunday...



I was reading Monica Brant's email that she sends out...i cannot believe that she didn't even place in the top 6 at the Olympia! She is incredible...i dont know how she didn't place! I guess all the younger gals are moving on in.....that sucks!

weekend wrap up

I haven't had a busy weekend in a while! Friday i was off from work...i had a dentist appointment at 10:45 which kinda killed the day...i was going to go into work afterwards but it was silly to go to work at 1:00, so i ran some errands and that was fine. Friday night my girlfriend Krista had a skin care demonstration. The lady was really nice and i can't even remember the name of the stuff, but she was going on saying how everything was natural and hypo-allergenic and i said to her that i have really sensitive skin and i break out very easily and she said i wouldn't. Well she was passing stuff around for us to try and she gave us this stuff for aging for our necks and face...she said "just put a dab under your chin and your neck"...well i did.....about 20 minutes later, i started itching...and low and behold....a big pimple popped out on my chin! That fast! I wasn't going to buy anything because im poor but thank god i didn't because i would have broken out from it!

Saturday, i had to make a fruit tray in the morning to take to a party, which we were late to, but it was nice. It was Adam's boss's kid's birthday. Eating was not good there.....

Sunday, i had a wedding. One of Adam's friend's got married. The place was beautiful and it was a nice day, but again, eating wasn't good....this is why when you are dieting and trying to be good, you have to be a hermit! You cannot go anywhere!

I was exhausted when i got home...it was only 8:30, but it was a long day..and a long weekend....

Today was legs...and i really hit them hard...i was all wobbly and shaky afterwards! I love it! But i probably wont be able to walk in the next day or so!

Thursday i am going to the caterer to get things finalized with times, colors, etc. That should be fun! So then i can order my invitations. Things are coming along! But time is flying!!

Tuesday

Yesterday was 4 months to the day until my wedding....i cannot believe how fast it is coming...and my guest list is growing somehow...which isnt good.

I had my boss's father's services yesterday. So we all left work at 11:30 and the services were at 1:00. We got back into the city at around 2:30 and i went back to the gym and did 45 minutes more cardio! My legs are dead! So dead...i dont know how the girls who compete do so much cardio every single day! Adam said, well if thats what you want to do, you have to do that much cardio...that is what it takes! I said i know, i know...i could do it if i really was going to compete and i had a goal of a show.....but i know that is what will help me get my weight off...so whatever extra cardio i can get in a week the better. I can tell you one thing...I slept great!

I have Adam's boss's daughter's birthday party on Saturday and Adam asked me to make a chocolate covered fruit tray to bring to the party. Then on Sunday, I have another wedding...this time its Adam's friend...so he gets to put out the money for the gift! And i am wearing the same dress that i wore to my cousin's last week. Which by the way, i will post pictures from as soon as i download them off the camera :)

Workout:

Monday: legs

Food: M1: post-workout shake
M2: oatmeal/egg whites
M3: protein shake
M4: salmon & string beans
M5: coffee , ff fudgecicle

Water: 84ozs


Tuesday: Shoulders/biceps

M1: post workout shake
M2: Egg whites/oatmeal
M3: protein shake
M4: Tilapia/string beans

That is all i got right now :)

uneventful

I haven't posted all week and i have no idea why. Maybe because my life is so uninteresting and boring....i think thats why.

I mean there is family drama going on between my sister and brother, but that is the most excitement going on.

I have to go to my cousin's wedding on Saturday in Cape May, NJ, so that should be nice. I actually got a dress that wasn't all black either! Its black with blue in it..its pretty but its out of my element....i usually go plain black for almost all occasions....hopefully i wont feel too uncomfortable in it.

Lets see...what else....exercise has been going great....eating, not so great...not that im eating bad or anything, but im picking here and there....and its hurting my progress i think....im still the same weight, but i should be losing and im not. Im not blaming anyone else but myself. I know what im doing wrong and that is all that needs to be corrected....i will get my ass back in line...i promise :)

Tonight i have to make a candy tray for Angelica's aunt for a party. Im glad i dont eat what i make though..which is a plus!

My boss's father died last night. The funeral services are on Monday. The office is closing at noon for those who are going to go, i know that me and a few of the others here are going. It is pretty far from here so we are going to have to leave before 12 to get there by 1:00.

I guess that's all i got for right now...tonight, make candy, tomrrow, wedding, sunday clean....my boring life in a nutshell....LOL

APRIL!!

Just giving a shout out to my friend April....i am sooo proud of you!!! You did what you set out to do and never gave up!! You are a great friend!!! I wish i was able to be there for you today, but i am there in spirit, here in philly, cheering you on!! Cant wait to hear how everything went!!!

a baby rant :)

I went to see Genesis last night in concert. They were really good....too many long instrumentals i think, but overall a great show. I went with my brother-in-law Nicky. He was the only one who was going to enjoy it along with me. Michelle actually wanted to go after the fact, but when i had originally said that i wanted to go and he said he would go with me, Michelle didn't want to go..so it was just me and him!

On the fitness front.....today i did back. My week so far has been:

Monday: legs
Tuesday: chest
Wednesday: shoulders
Thursday: Back

Tomorrow will be biceps and abs.

My food intake has been pretty good. Todays meals:

M1: After workout shake
M2: oatmeal/egg whites
M3: protien shake
M4: salad with grilled cajun chicken
M5: yogurt
M6: grilled chicken (or pork-i havent decided yet), string beans, salad

I really need to keep up with writing down my food....my diet has become such a habit now that i just do it automatically but there are times when i pick, and if i am keeping a strict record of what is going in my mouth, then, maybe i wont do it....

I haven't taken progress pictures in a loooong time either....ever since i got back from Washington, and gaining 3 pounds back from that vacation....im really struggling with my eating for some reason....not that im really being bad, but lets just say im giving myself more "treats" than i was....even Adam has noticed my slacking! I told him I know exactly what im doing wrong and i am fixing it.....i think a big part of it is not doing any extra....i need to do extra cardio....that is what is going to kick it up a notch! I know that....just getting my ass to do it, that is the problem....im not going to beat myself up over it, but im not seeing any differences like i was before....and i think inside my screwed up head, im getting that old mentality back of little bites here and there aren't going to hurt me....but they do...and not having Tony to hold me responsible for it, gives me that "i can have it" mentality, which needs to stop.

Look at April....she started a month and a half before me....she looks incredible and she is going to kick butt on Saturday!! I am so proud of her!

Maybe that is what i need....i need to re-evaluate my goals and write them out. I was talking to my cousin about working out and diet last Sunday (he is really into diet and training too) and i had mentioned to him that i had wanted to ask him to go to the Atlantic City Pro show (because i am dying to see a show in person) and he said "you should have called me, i would have went" and I was telling him about how great April is doing and how she is doing a show...etc....and he said, "did you ever consider doing a show" he said "you could definitely do it" Now, i don't know about that, but it made me feel good knowing that someone thought that i could actually do something like that!

I was supposed to have been at my goal weight by June....and im going backwards a bit....and now this freaking 3 pounds is biting me in the ass!!! The scale wont move!

I know im beating myself up....im still working my ass off and getting stronger every week...im still working out 5-6 days a week faithfully and my eating is 90% clean.....but the drive that i had when i started Tony's program has started to relax a little and i have to get that mentality back! No more bites, no more tastes. Thats what got me where i was back in February....i will get to my goal weight if its the last thing i do! Especially since i have a wedding dress to fit into!!!

MasterCard

Im going to be an aunt....again!

Well yes its true! My sister told us all last night that she is pregnant and is due on April 27th! Im so happy for them both. They have actually been trying for about a year or so, so im glad she is finally able to have one! I was teasing her last night telling her she was going to be all fat in my wedding pictures now! LOL! And she made a boo-boo face!!! Well, its true....she is going to be 7 months pregnant in February! I called the dressmaker and she said she can order fabric and just take the sides out and add to it....which is good!

I had back and triceps today. I love working my back....because i think that as far as upper body exercises go, i lift the heaviest for back....

Well getting home from the game late (we won 12-4, and the seats were awesome!) and then stopping at my moms to see my sister, i had no food prepared for today, so i had to buy breakfast (oatmeal and egg whites) which cost me $7.00 and a salad for lunch with turkey (which also cost me $7.00)....two reasons why i pack my food....1) nutritionally i need to for my diet, and 2) MONEY! I dont know how people eat out constantly! It gets to be so expensive!

I am going to try and look for shoes and "undergarments" for the wedding tomorrow.

But tonight i have to go to Petsmart and buy dog food, cat food and litter! Im out of everything!

I am sooo ready to go home...this day is dragging!!!

take me out to the ballgame

Is it possible to get allergies this late in life? My nose is running, my eyes are all heavy and tired, and my head has pressure...its either allergies or im just getting a little cold....whichever way you look at it, it sucks..cause i just want to crawl up in bed and sleep.

Im going to the Phillies game tonight with Adam. We got tickets from my boss and the seats are really good so that should be fun...even though they are kinda sucking right now...they lost, i think 12-0 last night! So we shall see how they do tonight. But these seats are close to the dugout and the Phillies Phanatic is the best! He is tons of fun!


I went and looked at invitations last night. Too many choices...it was hard but i think i finally decided on one....they weren't too expensive....so we shall see.

I had abs today....and i actually did more than was on my sheet. YAY me!

I need to get to the petstore desperately! The cat and the dog both need food and the cat needs litter...so i have to go there tomorrow! Thank god got paid today! Cause my ass was broke!

oh well

I am so aggrevated. I was at the gym this morning and i went upstairs to the third floor (my gym is set up very weird....1st floor is the main floor and cardio machines..the second floor is the spinning room/aerobic room, the third floor are the weight machines and some free weights...oh and the basement is the heavy lifting room) anyway...there was a smith machine that i used constantly up there and it was wonderful....well one day, it wasn't working properly, so i told the maintence guy there that something was wrong with it and the next day i see they are working on it...yay...well then i go back the next day and its still down, so i think they are waiting for a part or something...well now its the second week and its still down...so i go and ask the guy what the deal was...he said, "oh its not going back up...we are getting rid of it" OMG!! I was going to freak! I asked why and he said "oh i dont know they have been wanting to get rid of it for a while now" I said "you dont understand..that is my favorite and i use it constantly" The guy goes "well it was supposed to be taken out of here...the fire department guys wanted it but they never came for it" I said well then I will take it....to which he didn't respond....so i asked who i can contact to complain..because i need that machine! I hate fucking Ballys....they suck!

I have absolutely no money...again.....and my pants are horribly big and i need new ones desperately! But i have to wait and suffer until i get some money :)

On the fitness front...eating has been on target! I took a picture of my back the other night to see if i could see any muscles....my back looks good...not all cut or anything but you are starting to see some definition, I think...but i never noticed...i have a lot of beauty marks/moles on my back...LOL! Never see them so i never really knew...LOL! Maybe i will post it...not sure yet :)

not much

Well because of the holiday my workouts got kind of screwed up so today was my leg day with a focus on my hamstrings....oh and i will be hurting in the next few days...i know it...and i love it :) I got my extra cardio in last night for an hour....i was only going to do a half hour but me and adam were talking(and partly quarreling) and the next thing i knew, i was at 48 minutes....so i finished it out with an even 60 minutes :)

I made plans to visit my friend Diana on Sunday. So i get to see the twins! They are getting so big already! So im excited to go there. She doesn't live too far from me, but its far enough that it has to be a planned visit.

Next week im going to go and look at invitations.

I have my cousin's wedding on September 29th in Cape May, NJ and I have Adam's friend's wedding the following weekend. Then it will be Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas before you know it! Which means that my wedding will be coming! Crazy!

Anyway...the scale isn't budging...and it needs to....that is why im hoping some extra cardio will do me good. I guess thats all i got for now.

Back to the Grind

I cannot believe it is September 5th already! Time is going by so fast! This Labor Day weekend went by too fast too. I had a half day from work on friday and i attempted to go to look at invitations...well i get there and they are closed for the holiday...figures. So my mom and dad came over and my dad put in a light for me in my basement....he got all done, it worked for a few minutes, and then it sparked and it went out...LOL! He needed some other wire or something so he couldn't finish it....so me and my mom cleaned more of my basement out...it is such a big mess...maybe one day it will be all neat and organized down there.

Saturday we took a ride with Angelica to the beach. It was really windy and the sand was blowing everywhere! The weather was nice except for the sandstorm! So we didn't last long on there at all!

Sunday i went furniture shopping with my mom..she is trying to find a new kitchen/dining room set....which we found one but my dad thinks its too wide and it wont fit....i think it will be fine...but my mom is very indecisive and she has been trying to find a set to match her china cabinet and she is having a hard time! She probably could have had one made in the time it has taken her to find one!

Monday, i went to BJ's to stock up on food...the cabinets and the fridge were bare! It was bad! I didn't even have any eggs! Spent 158.00 in there and i still have to go to the supermarket and pick up some stuff! And i was so pissed, i was just finishing in line and i forgot my egg whites....but i had eggs so they will have do do for now. Then we went to our friends (well Adam's friend)'s house for a BBQ...but it was only the four of us and their son.

Yesterday me and Adam took the day off from work and took a ride to the beach...it was absolutely perfect out....and there were no kids running everywhere because everyone was back in school :) We played in the ocean like kids and it was wonderful...and i got some sun which made the day even better :)

Now its back to the grind....work and working out! I need routine! I need structure :) If i dont have my food and my workouts planned out, all hell breaks loose!

So now im all back to normal....except i forgot my damn oatmeal this morning! So i only had my eggs for breakfast :(

task 10001 complete!

one more task off my list.....me and adam went to get our passports done last night! So in 10-12 weeks, i should have my passport!

Workouts are going great.....eating is perfect.....i just wish i had the umph to do more cardio at night when i get home....by the time i finish eating, cleaning up the kitchen, etc...im exhausted and i just want to lay....so i usually do :)

Today was abs...yesterday was shoulders and biceps. i can start to see muscles in my arms and they want to come out...they really do...but the fat is fighting me and doesn't want to leave! The fat has had enough fun...its time for the muscles to have some fun now...LOL! Pack up and go fat! Im tired of you hanging around!

Anyway....sorry for the silliness

Did i mention that i am going to be an aunt? Yes, my brother's girlfriend is pregnant...about 8 weeks now i guess. Of course my parents aren't that happy about it.....basically he is 29 years old, he isn't working right now, she has no health insurance...they live in a studio apartment...etc. The list goes on and on....but a baby is coming....my brother just better get his shit together becuase if not, she better have enought sense to kick his ass out...I hate talking bad about him, i really do....he is my brother and i love him...but he is just a mess....he is the baby of the family and the only boy...so he got away with murder.....whatever he wanted he got....and he was bad...always scheming, planning, but not doing what he was supposed to do. Me and my sister were good, we always worked, went through high school (my sister was student counsel vice president), graduated, went to college, graduated college, did all the right things, have houses, cars, jobs....unlike my brother....barely made it through high school, dropped out of college...2 or 3 times....never had a decent job..still lives at home...well now he is living with her, but you get the drift.....he is banking on getting into the electrical union....which is fine and dandy but what if he doesn't get in? He has to think about that and have a back-up plan....he needs to work and be the man now....he is going to be a father! He needs to step up!

Ok...im done my rant....i just feel bad for my parents...i dont want this burden to fall onto them. My mom just retired and she doesn't need to be watching his girlfriend's baby all day. I know that if it was my or my sister's baby it would be different....because its a different situation....and she would be happy to watch him/her. but because of the circumstance, i think that where it should be a happy thing, its not...and that sucks.

How does a whole week go by.....

I can't believe its been a week since i posted....and its not even like im really busy...actually i haven't really done anything interesting at all except work and go to the gym and try to do stuff in my mess of a house :)

Actually yesterday i went to Bed Bath and Beyond to try and register for some things for the wedding. I thought it was going to be a lot of fun..but actually, its not...its a pain in the ass. Thank the lord I didn't have Adam go with me....i think he would have either

1) strangled me or

2) left me in the store...LOL!

Its very hard picking out stuff....and I think its especially hard because we already have everything since we have a house and live together. I am just picking out some new stuff. Im updating some things that i have had for 8 years in my house....new dishes, new silverware, new glasses, new comforter set, vaccumm, etc. I think its easier when you dont have anything and you get to pick out everything...

So tonight, I think im going to attempt Macys....we'll see how that goes.

On to other things....

Working out is going great. Eating is going good during the week....the weekends is where i slip up a little. Usually at dinner only....and it seems like its only Saturdays....so i have to stay clean all the time....but it is hard, and i think part of the reason, which i dont want to happen, is that i think, well i dont have tony to answer to, so i can have one little cheat here and there...but that is where i got into trouble before...so i want this blog and all of my Tony diva's to keep me on track ok? I do have a wedding dress to fit into ya know????

my first day alone :(

Yes people....it is a sad day.....today marks the first day that i am without my Tony workout :( Well i did do a Tony workout....just not a freshly emailed one. So, today was legs...and I worked them...big time....and i will be feeling it big time in a day or so, im sure! I tried to go up in weights on everything just to push myself a bit. I love it!

He was totally cool and understood my situation and he told me that he believes in me and he knows that i will keep up with it on my own! I promised him that i would lose my last 9 pounds and make him proud! He said I know you will....and if you ever need me...I will be right here for you!....he is the best! And that is why he is so great!

So, off the fitness track....this weekend was ok...we tried to go to the shore on saturday, but there was so much traffic, we had to get off the highway at the next exit and squash the idea of the beach...it probably would have taken over 2 hours easy to get there...and by that time, you are so aggrevated, you dont even want to be there...so we scratched that idea and went to the mall instead :) Not that i bought anything cause im broke...but its fun to look :) Then I watched High School Muscial 2 with Angelica....I know it can't get any better than that! Dont be jealous..you know you wanted to see it....lol....it was cute though....

Yesterday, i went to Home Depot and bought a florescent light for my basement. My dad is going to put it up for me so i have more lighting down there...its a little dark....he is so good to me :) Then i went to Target....it was so crowded, you would have thought that it was Christmas Eve or something! But i guess all the back to school stuff going on made it so busy. Then i went to my mom and dad's for dinner.

I guess that's all i got for now....the weather is crappy and it is sooo cold here in work! I dont know why they have to keep it so freaking cold! I have a sweater on and my little heater is on full blast.

Oh, well...back to work :)

The Soup: Pickle Girl

I figured out how to directly put the link in.....

pickle girl

i cannot stop laughing.....this is the greatest!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLAeOjY2X5Y

its friday!

I feel good! I had a great workout today....even though i lost my workout sheet somehow! But i pretty much remembered everything on it, thank god! The Smith machine at the gym was all lopsided, i had to tell the maintence guy there about it because i cannot be without that machine...its my favorite. I looked into getting one for my house before ...but the only place for it right now would be in the basement and the ceilings are too low :( Maybe one day when i have a single home..then i can make a whole workout room :)

Today is my half day...YAY....im going to get my nails and my toes done and there is a place near my house that does invitations...so i may stop in there and check the prices out....because they are going to have to be ordered soon too i guess....i dont know the timeline on some of these things :)

There is a IFBB show in Atlantic City NJ on September 14-16th...I would love to go...but i have to find someone to go with. Adam won't go...i already asked him. He used to go to shows years ago when his friends competed and he is over it....but i have never been and i would love to see a show in person....seeing all those fabulous women in person on stage! That would be awesome and such motivation! I checked ticketmaster..the tickets are $40.00! Which i think is a little much. Hopefully i can get my girlfriend Sherri to go with me :)

As far as the weekend goes, i really have no plans yet. We might take a ride to the beach tomorrow if its nice..tonight Adam will be watching the Eagles, so doing anything with him is pretty much out....If we do go to the shore tomorrow, i will have to do my workout on Sunday, which is fine...i have done that before.....

I guess im going to have to make that dredded phone call to T soon ....my payments are usually due around the 20th....so i guess i will have to let him know my situation with the wedding and that i promise to keep up with his program on my own and that i will make him proud and i will go back with him as soon as the wedding chaos is over :) I really feel like he's my boyfriend and that i have to tell him we need a break...LOL! But seriously, i never would have got to where i am mentally and physically if it wasn't for him....i have lost 16 pounds so far and i still have 9 more to go! And I will do it! You can bet your ass i will !!!

Confused

Well the bloat from my vacation is finally gone i think. Im feeling much better now that im back on schedule. I need to be on a strict schedule otherwise all hell breaks loose!

Now my problem.....I don't know what to do...Im really struggling money wise for saving for the wedding...and its coming up quickly....6 months...plus the holidays in between....I really love working with Tony but its a lot of extra money right now that i really shouldn't be putting out. I have 6 months worth of workouts to recycle until the wedding..but i feel bad :( I don't want to be a quitter.....i feel that he is going to be disappointed in me....i mean, i am going to stick with his routine and eating the same as i have been....I am such a wuss when it comes to talking to people and he has done nothing but helped me...and i will go back to him after the wedding....i just feel bad :(

back from Washington

Im home. I have actually been home since Friday but im just getting a chance to catch up with everything. I had a great time but im glad to be back and i have to get myself back on track with my eating. I hate horribly this week....and i think i gained about 10 pounds...lol

I will have to seriously buckle down and get back to business! And that means extra cardio every night!!! No matter what!

I need to re-evaluate my goals...i think for the past few weeks, i have been slipping into that old mindset of picking here and there and thinking its not going to affect me....and then going on vacation really put me over the edge....so now, its up to me to make my goals real....and i will...i promise :)

Here are some pics from washington.....

Greetings from Washington DC

Just wanted to check in and say hi....im on vacation in Washington DC with Adam and Angelica. We got here yesterday afternoon and we are here until friday. Eating is not great, of course and i will be on detox when i get back! Today we went to the Smithsonian Castle, the Museum of Natural History and Science..and we saw the Capital and the Washington Monument and the White House...i will share some pics when i get home....

Weird thing...there are Starbucks everywhere...but they close at like 7:00-8:00!! I wonder why??? I want coffee after dinner...and i cant get a damn cup...LOL!!

I found my florist!

I went to the florist last night....totally fell in love with the florist! He was sooo wonderful and he knew exactly what i wanted and made me feel very confident in him....and the plus to it all??? he wasn't that expensive! Which made him even more wonderful! I am going to call him today to book him. I didnt want to seem too eager last night! So that is done! Whew! What a load off my mind...that was a biggie....now all the big stuff is done! Now comes all the little crap! So, now im getting excited!

On the workout front.....i had chest today....not too bad....had one minute running intervals that i had to cut out a few because it was too much up and down flights of stairs...and i dont have that much time in the morning! But my ending cardio was great.

I have noticed something with my water intake...i will drink water all day long...i will have probably about 96oz during the day...then after i get home, i will only have a glass of crystal light with dinner...and then maybe a cup of coffee later at night....i really should drink more at home but i dont even think about it. Here at work, its in front of me all the time and i just continually drink it. At home, im more relaxed i guess and dont bother.

I have to get a heart rate monitor i think. April was telling me how many calories she burns doing her cardio and the normal treadmill has me only burning like 60 calories for 1 mile...that cant be accurate! I would like to see what the difference really is!

I have to talk to Tony soon because i want him to forward me all my workouts for next week while im away. The hotel has a fitness room...not sure what it has but if i can at least get my workouts in, in the morning, i will feel better :)

Flowers

So i also forgot to mention...tomorrow i go to the florist to get some prices for the flowers for the wedding! FUN!!! Hopefully that wont be too much money! The photographer cost me enough!

boring!

What do you think would happen to me if my boss walked by and saw me sleeping at my desk? i just want to put my head down and fall asleep! I sat in the lunchroom and had my chicken and gross canned stringbeans(which i will never eat again) and was reading HP 6 and i was falling asleep! I got plenty last night....i was in bed by 11:30, so i got 6 1/2 hours....i guess its not that much huh? Im trying to be productive here but it ain't working! Im going online trying to get information for my trip to DC next week.

This weekend was pretty boring....Friday me and adam and my brother and his girlfriend went to the movies to see "the simpsons" it was cute....Saturday i went with my mom to Target and IKEA...I love IKEA...but it makes me sad because i want to do everything in my house over and i cant! I love their kitchens! I want a big single home with a nice big kitchen! Maybe one day!!!

Then Saturday night we went to the mall and got something to eat with my mom and dad.

Sunday i cleaned a bit, i actually started ripping apart my bedroom....its still a mess but i threw out a whole trashbag of crap! I will get organized...eventually.

That was the extent of what i did....my life is wayyyyy to boring!

Oh, and i had a weigh in, but i had my "friend" so i was a big bloated mess....and i didn't lose anything :(

I listened

Well I was a good girl and i did an hour of cardio on the gazelle. I did feel better after i did it :) I watched Shaq's Big Challenge while i did my cardio.....i feel so bad for these kids...not the kids on the show...but overweight kids in general....it has to be so hard for them....but just watching the kids that are featured on the show, how much more positive they are and more outgoing than before..they have more confidence in themselves and they are stronger....that is what people don't understand.....and it took ME such a long time to grasp....feeling better about yourself, feeling like you accomplished something....that is the highlight of exercising.....and the bonus is weighing less and wearing smaller sized clothing :)