Same old......

I'm NOT the same anymore. I'm someone better, stronger, leaner and more powerful than most can understand. My body, life and mind are and will NEVER be same. I'm the girl I always wanted to become and it gets better every day with every breath I breathe."

My new motto.....Tony had sent it to me a while back, and i was looking through my emails and decided that it was going to be my new motto and i am going to repeat it over and over again....which is why i put it in my heading (look up :)

We went for tuxes last night......it kinda freaked me out...like wow, this is really happening! Scary!

I emailed T and asked him, how lean he thinks he can get me by Feb 1st.....we shall see what he says :)

I keep picking.....my sweet cravings are in overdrive since christmas.....i just ate a couple broken pieces of chocolate covered pretzels which were in the kitchen here at work....what is wrong with me? Mindless eating strikes again.....i swear i will try to keep strong.....

One of my girlfriends sent an email inviting all us girls over her house on Sunday for lunch.....Vodka Pene, chicken cutlets, and salad and wine......what is on that list that i can eat??? nothing!!! I may just say no, but i have to wait and see if my friend Sherri is going, if she is going, then maybe i will go, and just bring my own food :( I will see....

Its so hard to say goodbye.........

I am so glad that Christmas is over! Not that it wasn't nice, but the crap that i consumed over a 3 day period just was not good.....i think i gained about 5 pounds.....all for what? Nothing but guilt and regret....maybe someday i will learn from my mistakes and realize that i know what a cookie tastes like and have enough sense in my brain to know that its really not worth it. Cause all i am now is fat and guilty.

Ok, people, i am going to have a heart attack.....just look over to the side of this blog....35 days! Thats it! OMG!

Tonight....tuxes
January 8.....laser hair removal...(yes, i am a hairy monkey....im italian...come on...LOL) and then at night, my sister's fitting and Angelica's fitting
January 9-my father's surgery
January 10-hair and make-up trial
January 15-My fitting
January 26-Bachelor/Bachelorette Party
January 31-Rehersal dinner
February 1-wedding
February 3-CANCUN!

Ok, now in between all those other dates.....favors have to be done, we have to get our rings, we have to meet with the band, get marriage licence, i have to tan, .....and probably a million more things....AAAH!

On the fitness front.....i am eating clean...thank god.....and working out hard! I went back to the gym after work and did more cardio.....cardio is my new friend.....we love each other :)

Merry Christmas!!!

Things have been crazy busy...lets see...Friday was my Christmas party after work...it was really nice....the food was awesome....i actually didn't eat too bad, but i did have a few drinks/..i did have a bit of dessert...cheesecake...i think it was probably the best tasting cheesecake i have ever eaten in my entire life...seriously....Saturday, i did some cleaning, and some wrapping.....today, i made my oreo balls and my sister had dinner at her and her hubby's house. It was supposed to be my family and Nicky's family together....well my dad is sick, so he stayed home, and my mom started to get sick this morning, and since michelle is pregnant, she didn't want my mom to come over and infect everyone...so she stayed home too....so for my sister's side of the family, it was just me adam and angelica. But it was nice. So now i have to finish wrapping presents and get organized. Adam has to work tomorrow until noon, so me and angelica are going to make the reindeer cookies while we wait for him to come home. Then we will open her presents. She thinks Santa comes twice. Once at our house on Christmas eve, and then at her moms house on Christmas morning. This will probably be the last year, since she is 9...im glad she still believes though.....well its at least what she is telling us anyway.....

My mom does christmas eve dinner (the whole italian 7 fishes deal) and then does Christmas day dinner...it is so much work for her...I try and help out as best as i can...i honestly dont know how she does it all...but now having a cold this year isn't helping her out at all!

Oh and what is up with this weather??? It is 60 degrees right now and its 9:00 at night~ have you ever heard of such a thing???

Anyhoo.....i hope everyone has a wonderful christmas eve and christmas day! Enjoy :)

Where do the days go?

Geeze.....time flies when your having fun.....i cant believe its been so long since i posted....

Christmas is almost here(thank god) and i am pretty much done my shopping...i just have to get a few more gift cards and im done!

Adam got me a new MP3 player...i wanted the new Ipod Nano, but i have always went with the Creative brand because its a pain in the ass having two apple devices on one computer....the libraries get all messed up and our tastes in music are TOTALLY OPPOSITE! so i got a new one with the video on it....how fun! I cant wait to use it....i can download pics and tv shows and movies.....something to keep me busy during all of my upcoming overload of cardio that i will be doing in January! So hopefully this will keep me busy :)

I think i am going to either make April's Oreo balls or maybe the Oreo dirt cake for christmas...yum....and i may actually have a little bit of it...because once January hits, its back on strict mode.....i cant believe that my wedding is only 43 days away!!!!! oh my god! So much to do....no time to do it.....i know it will all get done.

I emailed Tony and told him that i wanted to do a comp and he said that he will totally have me stage ready by June! I cant wait......im petrified.....but i want to do this...and i will do this!!!!

And for your listening pleasure....my favorite christmas song :)

http://www.minibite.com/christmas/hippo.htm

TGIF

It's friday! YAY! I have so much shopping to finish up on this week...i would really love to be able to finish this weekend and not have to worry about rushing around during the week and next weekend. We shall see...the weather is supposed to be crappy sat/sunday.

Tomorrow is my dress fitting....and unfortunately, i didn't get down to the weight that i wanted/needed to be at for this fitting .....and im pms'ing big time and by boobs are huge!!!! Yeah, lets add to my sadness!!!

I had an awesome leg workout this morning though! I went up on my weights (alot) and it just goes to show that im not pushing myself hard enough....i guess that is one good thing about having someone train along with you, so they could push you harder...but i would never find anyone that could compare to Tony, so fuggetaboutit....LOL!

Eating has been great.....well except for the cookie last night.....i told you i was PMSing!!!! I just had to have something sweet....so shoot me!!!

Tonight I have my brother-in-law's birthday dinner/cake at my sister's house. I am bringing my own food with me....and a protien bar in case i want something sweet while they are all eating cake in front of me.

Oh, my sister and Nicky are having a BOY! They changed her due date a little bit too....to April 22nd.

I made an appointment for a hair/makeup trial for January 10th. I have no idea what to do with my hair as far as bringing a picture with me..but i know that

1) I want to wear my veil higher on my head, and not underneath my hair;
2) I want to wear it all up, and straight back, no bangs;
3) I want something bun-like, twists, curls,something, but not too far up on my head
4) Nothing too big and poofy either....

So basically, something simple and pretty.....and maybe just those little pieces hanging in the front? Not sure...sometimes, it looks sloppy.....

Im getting there....slowly but surely......we are going to check out and pick out tuxes on Monday, and I am going to try and drag him to City Hall next wednesday for the marriage licence. I want to get that done and out of the way..the only night they are there late is Wednesdays....i dont want to keep putting things off....cause time is flying!!!!

My aunt came home from the hosptial on Sunday and me and adam went to see her. She looked good....she is doing a lot better thank god.

I had chest and back this morning.....i do love working my back.....eating has been great...except for some nut mix last night :( I am going to go back and do more cardio again tonight after work.....no rest for the weary right? I am a big bloated mess though because its that "time" unfortunately...so yeah, all fat and bloated and "hey lets go for a dress fitting" Great! i wanted to be as lean as possible, and now im going to be fatter than ever! I hate my life!!!! Well, not really but this does suck.

Our work got these two massive trays in today...the first tray has lunchmeat on it, and the other one is a jewish tray with salmon(lox and bagels) and fishes and cream chesse, etc...plus potato salad, coleslaw, bagels, bread, etc........it is ridiculous! So, i went in there early and got my dibs on the carved turkey, a pickle, onion, mustard and a piece of cheese....oh and some salmon....thats it....and it is actually very filling......im just filling up on the turkey....god i want a roll....LOL!

For my shower i got the Cuisnart griddler...i wanted that thing so bad :) So i made turkey burgers on there last night...they were good. I made a few extras too :) I want to try and grill asparagus on there. YUM!

I have so much shopping left to do....i gotta get moving!! This weekend is it! Its coming so fast!!!

its monday already????

Its monday....and its so rainy/icky out! I took my invitations to the post office this morning! Its officially happening now...no turning back..LOL! I had a great leg workout this morning..i probably(hopefully) wont be able to walk tomorrow....hehe!!! I am going to go back after work and do more cardio.....cardio is going to be my new best friend! We went to the mall on Saturday to do some shopping and we stopped at Sears to look at the treadmills/ellipticals.....i am leaning more toward a treadmill, because i can only do the elliptical for short periods of time without wanting to kill myself....and i think i will get the most use out of a treadmill. So we will see...but we need something soon....I got some shopping done on sunday. Me and my mom went sunday morning (which, by the way, is the best time to shop....no one is there at 9:30 in the morning!) It was wonderful...and we were done around 1:00 and it was packed!!! So im glad we went early!

Im trying to be organized with everything (the wedding, christmas) and there is so much to do! I made lists, but i need new lists i think....lol! I ordered a photobook from Snapfish that i am using as a sign in book at the wedding...its just pictures of me and him and all the guests can sign the book and it will be a keepsake for us :) I got the idea from one of the photographers that we went to see(who was soooo overpriced), and my sister was like "you can make that yourself on snapfish" which is what i did :)

Im doing no carbs this week....well not totally no carb, but very low carb.....want to try and be as lean as possible on saturday.....time is flying.....next week is it...then its christmas! It went so fast. I need to start tanning too....there used to be a salon on the corner of my street, which was sooo convenient...but it closed :( So now i have to find someplace new to go to....part of me wants to start now but only go like 1-2 times a week and then in january go more...but i dont want to be too dark either...i will look retarded being tan in february....i just want some color so i dont look like a vampire in my pics...LOL!

I tried contacting the OCB to get an exact date and place for the show i want to do in june but everytime i email, it comes back undeliverable :( what is up with that???? Hopefully they will post it soon so i can do a countdown clock for it.....one of my friends asked me if i was still considering doing a show and i said yeah, and she said can i come? i said of course! That would be great!!! Now i really have to step it up... i know i can do this....it is going to take a lot of hard work, my body needs a lot of work...but i know that with the support of all of my diva's out there i can do it!!

I am so ready to go home! It is snowing here and im at work and i just want to go home!

I am going to my mom's after work for dinner and to finish the invitations. Hopefully they will be all ready to go out by tomorrow or monday :) YAY!!!

I had abs and cardio this morning. Eating has been good except for a few hershey kisses :)

I am doing no carbs all next week....my next dress fitting is on the 15th, which is next saturday! Eeeeek! And i had a bet with adam for my weight for next saturday for new sneakers....i said i wanted to be at 115.....i dont know if thats gonna happen....we shall see!!! Hopefully the no carbs and the double cardio.....maybe then i can do it.....cause i need new sneakers desperately!!!

My upper body is really making improvements....now if it could only move a little further down.....

back to normal??

Im feeling better now that i got my rant out.....looking back, i do tend to rant a lot...LOL! Anyway, back to business! Workouts going great....i have actually gone back to the gym after work again for more cardio! Only 35 minutes, but hey, at least its something extra! I get down on myself too much, i need to stay more positive. it is just really hard being that way because i have been down on myself for so long, its hard to change the mindset.

***

Anyway, i didn't talk about last Thursday-Friday in Atlantic City! It was really nice. We got down the shore at about 7:00 Thursday night. We checked in and then went to get something to eat..we were starving! We wound up eating at PF Changs which is in the hotel....i didn't eat too bad...we ordered steamed shrimp dumplings, crab wontons(only had one) and stir fry chicken. We then went down to the pier where they have all these new "upscale" shops..but we got there and it was closed :( So we walked back and gambled a bit.....lost of course, and then went back to the room......the next morning we went to breakfast....i didn't do too bad there either...but i did have half a corn muffin and a piece of bacon.......and then i wonder why i cant lose weight! But we walked a lot afterwards...they have an outlet mall so we walked around there for about an hour or two.....i wish i had more money to buy christmas presents...i could have got something done!

***

Back to the workouts....monday i did chest, tuesday, legs, today shoulders and back. Hopefully i will be able to get back to the gym the rest of the week after work to do more extra....

**

On the wedding front.....invitations should be done tonight to be picked up. I have to go and buy stamps at lunch. The invitations should be going out tomorrow or friday! I can't believe its only 57 days away!!! Time is flying!!! Oh, and the bridal salon called me last night and moved my appointment up to the 15th...which is next saturday! I think im doing no carbs all next week :)

**

My dad found out about a month ago that he has prostate cancer. It was VERY upsetting at first, but after he met with the top doctors at Jefferson we found out that he has a very low grade and they gave him two options....operate and take out the prostate or radiation.....they told him that the best option is to operate and not have to worry. So that is what he is doing. The only thing is the operation is scheduled for January 9th....which only gives him a few weeks of recovery before the wedding. I asked my mom to see if it would be an issue at all to postpone it until the week after the wedding. Only because my father is a worry wart and he already thinks something is going to go wrong, he is going to make himself crazy....and recovery is only supposed to be a week or two which is fine and he should be fine by the wedding but what if he's not? I only want it postponed ONLY if the doctor thinks waiting 3 weeks wouldn't make a difference...if he thinks it will AT ALL then go with the January date....god forbid if he waits and something happens...it will all be my fault! I know he is going to be fine....but its my daddy and i want him to be ok.....

**

I have that on my brain on top of all the other stuff....and then i have my aunt marlene...my dad's sister, who also found out that she has cervical cancer...which she has been operated on already...she had to get a full hysterectomy..but she had complications and she was in ICU and all and she is finally in a regular room after two weeks and is finally able to take fluids and hopefully food soon...so my dad now thinks that he is going to have complications too...so that is the only reason i wanted the date moved.

**

Then all the christmas crap....i decorated finally over the weekend....i just have to do the tree...which will wait and do when Angelica comes over this weekend...and hopefully i will be able to take her to go and see Enchanted...finally!!

Im tired

Im tired of..... working out and then eating something i shouldn't and defeating the whole purpose of exercising.

Im tired of......feeling guilty after eating something bad

Im tired of.....eating 100% clean during the week and then the weekend comes and it all goes to shit

Im tired of......working out everyday and looking back at old workouts and the weights that im using on exercises has not increased that dramatically

Im tired of......not being able to get back to the weight i was in the summer...when i still thought i was fat

Im tired of.....looking in the mirror and hating what i see

Im tired of....hating myself

Im tired of....not having the energy to go back to the gym after work to do more cardio

Im tired of...not having money

Im tired of....looking at my house and discover that one room is messier than the next and cleaning and not getting anywhere!
Im tired of...feeling guilty for Adam and Michelle not getting along
Im tired of....trying to figure out all this wedding crap
Im tired of....trying to figure out how im going to get money for all this wedding crap
Im tired of...being disorganized at home and at work
Im tired of....figuring out what to buy people for christmas presents
Im tired of....worrying about getting down to 115 pounds by my next fitting
Im tired of....making excuses for not doing what im supposed to be doing fitness wise
Im tired of....getting depressed about when i look back at my blog and all i do is complain about losing weight and not just doing it
Im tired of.....typing this list

elfed!

Now its my turn to be elfed :)