what a week!

I have so many things in my head and I want to write everything out but I run out of time, all the time.

Week went by really fast....again.

I ate 100% clean everyday.....pretty proud of myself....LOL! I think I got all my cardio in too....I think I missed one night...but it was the day that I did 30 in the morning so I got some of it in.

I have been doing a lot of reading on the “how much cardio one should be doing” when doing a show. I hear so many different conflicting things its crazy! It ranges from 2-30 minute HIIT sessions a day every day, to 2 hours a day, to 30 minutes 3-4 days a week.

You are supposed to trust your trainer that he knows what he is doing....if he is telling you that you need to do an hour a day 6xs a week then do it....if he says do 45 min 2xs a day you do it. All these figure girls blogs and posts that you read are doing a lot of cardio before a show...apparently it has to be done. But then I was on the Bodysport forums and there was a discussion about how much cardio, and they were saying how you should only have to do 30 min 3-4 times(HIIT) a week to lose fat. Honestly, for the amount of fat that I have on my lower body, I cant see doing that little amount of cardio getting rid of what needs to be gone! One of the little videos on there I think it was Jamie Meade...she said she had to trim down her legs for Jr Nationals and she did “A LOT” of running.....so im sure it is necessary. Im not complaining about doing it at all....sometimes I really don’t mind doing it.....sometimes I enjoy it....sometimes I hate it!

But if I have any plans on doing this show in September, I really need to keep it up. I have to do everything I can to keep moving forward. I know I can do this if I keep positive. Yesterday I was reading Stacey’s post and at the bottom of it, it has that little “other posts you may like” or however its worded....it was her Muscle in the City recap.....I laughed and got so emotional reading that again! I was totally reliving that moment as I read it.....I couldn’t stop smiling! That was probably one of the most wonderful, exciting, awesome moments in my life and time will never erase my memories of that weekend!!! I wish I could compete with the 3 of them over and over again! (Hint, Hint...LOL!)

This post was totally rambling and I don’t even know where the hell I was going with this but it is what it is I guess..

One thing I do have to say is I am so upset about Michael Jackson! My sister called me yesterday and said “did you hear Michael Jackson died?” I was like WHAT???? I turned on E! Because they always have the breaking news at the bottom of the screen(which is how I found out Heath Ledger died...I had the channel on and when that came across the screen! My heart dropped on that one!)(off subject...sorry)....and then I read it......I couldn’t believe it!!! I had the chills....got all teary eyed......so sad!!!!! He will be missed!!!!!!!!! He was a magical performer and even though he had a lot of issues and controversy surrounding him, I never thought bad of him and continued to support him. How could anyone really dislike Michael Jackson? He changed music and videos forever! Its so depressing!!! (but he totally stole Farrah Fawcetts thunder....sorry Farrah!)

a few b-day pics

Just a few pics from saturday!

I will post later :)


Angelica

blowing out the candles with my nephew nicky...notice his shirt...my sister got that shirt and put it on him cause the dog on their looks like my dog :)

Me, Adam, Angelica and Nicky


My brother's girlfriend Alice holding my niece Alaina, and me and angelica and nicky


Me, Angelica and Nicky :) My arms look fat! Gross!!

I found this today.....i like it :)

Everything counts! Everything you do today, every decision you make, every thought you have, every action you engage in, has some kind of consequence somewhere in your future. Without measurable, specific goals for each important area of your life, these decisions, thoughts and actions become nothing more than a random exercise in futility.

Make a conscious decision today to take control of your life. Instead of maintaining a habit of procrastination, develop a bias for action! Remember, goal setting is not about timing; it's about decisions. It's not about luck or chance; it's about determination and hard work. Being athletic isn't just about how much talent you have. It's about being persistent in every aspect.

Another year older...still trying to get wiser ;)

Where do I begin?

Well yesterday I turned 37 years old. How the hell did I turn 37??? It seems like yesterday when i was in high school!!!

We had my cake and dinner at my parents house on Saturday night. My mom made homemade pizza and it was so good! Dessert was a rocky road pie that my sister made for me and ice cream cake.....oh, and my brother-in-law made me rice crispy treats ;)

On Sunday (father’s day) was my real birthday...we had Angelica from Saturday and when we got up they gave me my birthday cards and a gift card from VS and a candle (I already got my tv on Thursday). We then had breakfast and then we had to get done because Angelica had to be home by 1:30 to get her hair done for the recital. So after we dropped her off we had like 3 hours to kill before the show, so we went to the mall and walked around there for a bit and then went to this little park and walked around there. They had these cute little bridges and adam took some pics and then there were swings! Oh you know I got on them! LOL! It was so much fun!

The recital was nice....after that we went and got sushi. I treated Adam since I didn’t get him anything for father’s day..even though it was my birthday ;) Im such a good wife! LOL!

I will try and post some pics later....my sister used her camera for most of the pics so I have to get her to e-mail them to me.

*********

Now...onto my crazy brain and figure shows......

I know I make myself crazy but I know how I am and I do this to myself every time.....I was reading over my blog and I am such a broken record its ridiculous...If I didn’t have some good stuff and pics in this blog I would erase the whole damn thing cause I hate myself! All it is, over and over again, is excuse, after excuse of why I didn’t do something, or why I ate something I shouldn’t have, over and over again!

I don’t even know why anyone reads me because I cant stand myself!

I set a goal for myself and I broke it, and then I make a later one...and I fucked that one up too....now for the only show that is left in my area in September is now a little under 11 weeks out and I texted Tony and told him that and he wants pics and said that depending what they are like and what my weight is at the end of the week we will see if its even possible.....honestly I should look like a freaking rock star by now and I am a fat little troll.....well I know im not fat, im still probably around 113 (but after the way I ate this weekend probably 115) ...but he wants me at 110 before he can even make a decision....and that makes me think that I cant do it....

I am going to put forth 110% from this point forward and see what happens.....all cardio will be done, all workouts will be complete, all food will be on target....

I am so tired of hearing myself talk about it, it makes me sick.....this is it....do or die.....if I cant get to where I need to be after this, then I don’t know what im going to do, but at least I will know that I gave it my best shot and I didn’t quit again for the 100th time!

Im going to put a countdown clock up....I am hopeful that I can do this....but I have a lot of work ahead of me......

LETS DO THIS.....NO EXCUSES, IM DONE WITH THEM.....LETS SEE WHAT I AM REALLY MADE OF....LETS SEE IF I HAVE THE DRIVE IN ME TO DO THIS!!!

Its friday :)

I am sitting here trying to digest my lunch and do some work....i realized i haven't blogged again since tuesday so i figured i would update real quick...

Yesterday was legs...i did 30 min EMC and 30 minutes after work....ooh...personal high on leg press....385 :)

Today was biceps/triceps....man i want some muscle! BAD!!!! No more flabby arms!!!

Anyway....i bought Flex mag today at lunch....they have a whole NPC/IFBB section...i think its a fairly new addition to the mag....i like it :)

This weekend (sunday) I turn 37....um....yeah....im old......i dont look it (i dont think) and i certainly dont act it.....its only a number right????

My darling hubby bought me a 19 inch flat for the basement so i dont die while im on the treadmill....the music gets old....this will help the time go by....thank you hubby :) It was either the tv or the itouch.....i wanted that too but i will get more use out of the tv :)

My mom is having dinner for me tomorrow since father's day is sunday....she asked me what i wanted...i asked Tony if i could switch my free day to tomorrow instead of sunday...he said of course ;) I really dont know what i want....i asked my mom to make me her homemade pizza :) its really good....but if its too much work for her, just order pizza..that will be fine! I dont want to put her out!

I guess thats all i got....i will try and take some b-day pics over the weekend and post them on sunday :)

dang...another week went by!

Im getting bad at this blogging stuff....its another week....I suck!

I don’t even know where to begin.....

Nothing really exciting going on.....

Friday I had a mini breakdown......I don’t even know where it came from. I just felt sad and I got all upset and Adam was asking me what was wrong.....it was so many things going on in my head at one time.....

Why am I doing this? Am I too old for this? Im going to be 37 on Sunday.....is it all worth it? Will I ever look like a figure competitor? I have no muscle, I have cellulite on my ass...will it ever go away...then I have all the guilt with food....I cant eat that? God forbid I ever have a piece of pizza! Why cant I just have some m&ms...etc....and then I also have all of the pressure of what people think of me....if they see me eating something im not supposed to...are they thinking “she cant handle this” I knew she couldn’t do it....or just me opening my mouth saying that im competing and then don’t do it...were they thinking in the back of their heads that they knew I would never be able to do it and they were right? Or even the “how could you eat that way all the time” don’t you ever want to eat something different? Or why are you doing this to yourself? Then the people who DO believe in me....and I don’t go through with it....am I letting them down? Adam? Me? My family? My trainer? All those who support me?

Its all so much!!!!

So we talked it out.....and I am just going to take one day at a time...that is all I can do!

******

After my meltdown I was fine ;)

Saturday we were invited over friends of ours for dinner..They grilled...I made rice crispy treats (yes I had one dang it)...but my meal was good...I had a turkey burger ( I brought mine) and grilled shrimp and scallops and string beans, and then we watched “Taken”...it was really good.....definitely see it if you haven’t already! Pretty scary shit!

Sunday—we took Angelica overnight to Atlantic City so I took off work and the gym yesterday. We drove over to Ocean City and walked on the boardwalk and for my cheat meal I had pizza...glorious pizza(actually, to be honest, it was good, but thinking back on it now, I could have done without...but while it was going down it was good ;)...LOL) Then I had a Kohrs Bros frozen yogurt :) YUM!

We walked on the beach yesterday but we didn’t have our bathing suits because it was chilly in the morning so we checked out and put the bags in the car so we had to just go to the beach in our clothes and just walked around for a bit...it was nice :)

This morning was shoulders at the gym.....I worked them hard! But I think I pinched a nerve or something because after I got done I felt my right arm was a little numb and my shoulder was killing me!!! At lunch I went and had a chair massage for 20 minutes...felt really good but now its starting to hurt again....I will take something later....

Well I guess that is all I got right now....I promise to be more positive and happy and blog more :)

tuesday

Its Tuesday already and I haven’t blogged all weekend!

Friday night we had Angelica overnight. We didn’t do much...made dinner and hung out....

Saturday, went to BJ’s, Acme and Petsmart to stock up! I was out of everything and I spent way too much money on food....and you really don’t get much for your money anymore! Its horrible.

Saturday night I had to babysit my nephew....my mom actually came over too since my dad was away on his golf outing so we watched him together....my sister and her hubby weren’t really gone that long so it wasn’t so bad....Adam didn’t come with me...he wanted to relax and didn’t want to sit in a house all night with me and my mom...real nice right? LOL! Nah, the hockey game was on and he wanted to watch it...not watch Wow, Wow, Wubbzy and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse! I don’t blame him...

Sunday–cardio, abs, and cleaned. Then was my free meal....oh I was waiting all week for it....sushi...glorious glorious sushi!!!! It was so freaking good!!!! I could actually live off it! For dessert, I made rice crispy treats...yum!!! But I didn’t really enjoy the rice crispy treats as much as I thought I was going to....I think because I was so full from the sushi I had way too much rice and I just wasn’t feeling the sweets....oh well.....Adam took the rest of them to work with him....

I am so loving this new meal plan though....I was doing a dance this morning because it was “cereal day” LOL!!!! YUMMMM!!! Now, I know its not franken berry cereal or cocoa puffs but it was cereal with milk!!! Hello!!! Its milk people!! LOL!

Workouts are going well...yesterday was shoulders and today was chest...I wonder when legs are??? I am so used to them being on mondays....its throwing me off! I love legs!!!

On the show front....im really wanting to do the show in August in Delaware....if not I have the Atlantic City show in September....and something is being discussed about maybe flying somewhere to do a show in October??? Not discussing that one yet though ;)

I need to have a plan...that is what keeps me disciplined....cause I know me...without one I have slips and tastes and bites and whatever....I always use the excuse of “I will do better tomorrow” and you all know how that one goes....down hill quick!!

So keeping some sort of regimen keeps me focused and clean.....and I need that! So we shall see what happens!!!

its friday :)

My inspirational pic for the day....Andrea Watson...she just started competing and already got her pro card...very cute and tiny :)

Hi!!! It is friday!!!!

Last night i so didn't want to get on that treadmill...so i didn't...i did the bike instead :) AND i got to read and sweat :) Im reading Breaking Dawn (Twilight Book 4) and it is soo good already!!!

After that I made Adam protein cookies....they came out pretty good....

1 scoop protein powder-I used chocolate
3 egg whites
1 tsp baking powder
½ cup oats
1 tbsp brown sugar splenda

Mixed it all and dropped spoonfuls on cookie sheet cooked at 375 for about 8 minutes… I had to taste one to see how good/gross they were...i liked them :)

This morning....no EMC...had a great bicep/tricep workout though! I will do my hour tonight....

Tomorrow morning im going food shopping and then later in the day i have to babysit my nephew :) Other than that...no exciting plans!!!

Have a great day everyone :)

Did you ever wonder how some people get so much accomplished in one day and then others (me) cant seem to ever get it together?

I try and organize myself and to do what I need to do but there never seems to be enough time in the day or I am just always tired and don’t feel like doing what I need to do!

All you ladies out there that do competitions and have kids....I SO APPLAUD you! I know I have said it before but man.....you are all amazing!!!!

Anyway....last night I got my hair cut....I like it so far...I usually get aggravated after I wash it cause I cant get it the way they do...so we shall see...then I came home and did 45 min on the treadmill...I soooo did not want to get on that damn thing.....I wasn’t going to but I made myself....and I was glad that I did but it still sucks sometimes...LOL!

I didn’t get up for EMC this morning but I will be doing it when I get home.

Jodi—I try and break up my cardio into 2, 30-40 minute sessions so I don’t have to do it all at night. I am supposed to be doing an hour a day on top of my weight workout and it helps to break it up :)

Adam went to dinner with his friends last night...I was invited to go but of course I couldn’t. I think this is part of the problem with competing....you cant be “normal” and just go out and have a good time and not worry about every meal...and I was getting upset over it last night and when Adam came home I was all snippy with him because of it. He kept telling me to stop looking at what I am doing as a punishment and that I am missing out on things and to look at it as a positive thing and how I am bettering myself trying to achieve my goal....why cant I be like that all the time and just think that way??? I know I get down on myself all the time and I need to stop doing it.

Another example....next week my friends are all getting together for dinner at this really really good italian restaurant.....and I have to pass up everything and just have my grilled chicken and veggies. I should actually be applauding myself and thinking how far I have come not eating the bread in the basket and not gorging myself with pasta and dessert.....but I always look at it as im being left out....then I think about how that damn bread basket got me in the situation that I am in right now so there is no way im going to cave in and eat that crap! It goes back and forth constantly in my mind....its horrible!!

Well I just have to keep on keepin on and do my best! I just want to be tight and tiny and cut...is that too much to ask???

Hello!!! Well im still hanging in there...wondering if the day will ever come when i "look" like i am a competitor??? I was asking hubby last night and he said i have to push myself harder than i am....i need to go that extra step...which i do....i know that! It is rough and exhausting!

I am hoping to be down another pound this week (fingers crossed)....so i can enjoy my sushi on sunday :)

Last night...went to my sisters for a bit to see the baby....then came home and did cardio.....

oh wait....Let me back up a minute...When i came home from work i go down the basement and it smells....the fucking cat peed on the floor NEXT to the litter box! Do you have any idea how pissed off i was????? ANY IDEA!!!!! I swear to god, just to torture me that freaking cat is going to live until its 100!!!!! Everyone tells me to get rid of him(because this is not the first time he has done this...and he is not really a nice cat) but i just dont have the heart to do it...now if someone came and did it for me...that is another story.....but me, myself...i could never do that!

So yeah, i had to clean up cat piss too last night! So i was not a happy person!!!

And i didn't get up for EMC this morning....so i have to do my hour when i get home from getting my hair cut tonight after work!

Sorry for my rant.....LOL!!

bye!

Monday

Hello :)

Weekend was nice....

Friday night, came home, cleaned up, did cardio, adam and angelica came home, i made them clams and spaghetti and i had a salad with chicken....just hung out, watched TV and relaxed.

Saturday, got up, did my cardio, had breakfast and the we got dressed and went to the movies to see "UP" (disney-pixar) in 3D...it was really a cute movie....of course it made me cry....Saturday night me and adam took a ride to Atlantic City. Hung out there...walked around, had dinner...I was good...salad with grilled shrimp....then came home.

Sunday---we went to Wisahicckon park where Adam always goes mountain biking...i did the trails and did my walk/runs for over an hour while i listened to a bodysport.com podcast...i love them!!!

It was so nice out.....i took some pics of the trails....i really love running outside...its so much better than the damn treadmill....





Then last night was my free meal....i wasn't too, too bad...i had my mom make gnocci and i had 2 meatballs....baked, not fried....and salad....dessert was 100 calorie pack Oreo Cakesters and a cookie and a handfull of M&Ms....not too terrible...but i had a horrible sugar/carb crash and i was on the couch and i fell dead asleep at like 9:30. I didn't even know i fell asleep cause the next thing i know adam was telling me to go up to bed..i said its only 9:30...he said no, its 10...so up i went and i was out again like a light! I dont like eating like that anymore....which is a good thing :)

Today has been good so far....my new diet is pretty good....today is a LOT of food though...i couldn't finish my breakfast! Tomorrow im excited though...cereal :)

Today at the gym was legs.....no emc though...i will do my hour when i get home :)

I asked adam if he wanted to go down to the lakes which is near my house and do cardio outside instead...he said "maybe"...LOL!! So we shall see!!!