Im getting bad at this blogging stuff....its another week....I suck!
I don’t even know where to begin.....
Nothing really exciting going on.....
Friday I had a mini breakdown......I don’t even know where it came from. I just felt sad and I got all upset and Adam was asking me what was wrong.....it was so many things going on in my head at one time.....
Why am I doing this? Am I too old for this? Im going to be 37 on Sunday.....is it all worth it? Will I ever look like a figure competitor? I have no muscle, I have cellulite on my ass...will it ever go away...then I have all the guilt with food....I cant eat that? God forbid I ever have a piece of pizza! Why cant I just have some m&ms...etc....and then I also have all of the pressure of what people think of me....if they see me eating something im not supposed to...are they thinking “she cant handle this” I knew she couldn’t do it....or just me opening my mouth saying that im competing and then don’t do it...were they thinking in the back of their heads that they knew I would never be able to do it and they were right? Or even the “how could you eat that way all the time” don’t you ever want to eat something different? Or why are you doing this to yourself? Then the people who DO believe in me....and I don’t go through with it....am I letting them down? Adam? Me? My family? My trainer? All those who support me?
Its all so much!!!!
So we talked it out.....and I am just going to take one day at a time...that is all I can do!
******
After my meltdown I was fine ;)
Saturday we were invited over friends of ours for dinner..They grilled...I made rice crispy treats (yes I had one dang it)...but my meal was good...I had a turkey burger ( I brought mine) and grilled shrimp and scallops and string beans, and then we watched “Taken”...it was really good.....definitely see it if you haven’t already! Pretty scary shit!
Sunday—we took Angelica overnight to Atlantic City so I took off work and the gym yesterday. We drove over to Ocean City and walked on the boardwalk and for my cheat meal I had pizza...glorious pizza(actually, to be honest, it was good, but thinking back on it now, I could have done without...but while it was going down it was good ;)...LOL) Then I had a Kohrs Bros frozen yogurt :) YUM!
We walked on the beach yesterday but we didn’t have our bathing suits because it was chilly in the morning so we checked out and put the bags in the car so we had to just go to the beach in our clothes and just walked around for a bit...it was nice :)
This morning was shoulders at the gym.....I worked them hard! But I think I pinched a nerve or something because after I got done I felt my right arm was a little numb and my shoulder was killing me!!! At lunch I went and had a chair massage for 20 minutes...felt really good but now its starting to hurt again....I will take something later....
Well I guess that is all I got right now....I promise to be more positive and happy and blog more :)
6 comments:
Personally I hope you have a fantastic birthday, and that you feel exceptionally proud of all you have achieved in the past 12 months, and I hope you go on to do more in the next 12 months, and achieve more deserved happiness.
As for letting people down, the only person you would be letting down if you messed up your competing, would be you.
You wouldn't let me down for one, because the main reason I think you are doing it is for you, not for the likes of me, because I acheive nothing and have nothing to gain or lose if you succeed or not.
The only thing I would get is a sense of satisfaction and pride for someone who has done so much in the past 18 months, but I get that anyway, because of what you have already done, and the fact you have already competed, and proven you're an athlete, and if you feel a little undeserving of such a title, don't, because you trained darn hard for the competition, going through very difficult training and a hard diet phase, and it does require discipline, dedication, and more than just have chisled guns. It does require different aspects to compete.
So don't ever think of yourself of second best because you're not, and if you think you're not capable of this, then you ARE.
It's okay to question things. We've all done it, but as long as the answers always end with yes, then there's no problem, and in your case, they should end with yes.
So keep thinking positively, and realise that you are a beautiful, married woman, and you deserve everything in your life.
Take care and best wishes.
:-) :-).
Matt
Taking it one day at a time - very good advice! Only you know why you're doing this - don't let anyone or anything get you down. You look AMAZING and I hope I can look half as good as you do one day!! Keep up the GREAT work!
Oh hun, you know we have all had those thoughts. One day at a time is all you can do, and if you make it throught that day, you rest and do it all again the next day. I think you've already achieved that goal, you know what it takes and if you want to improve on your past comps you are the only one standing in your way. As far as those other people and what they think - screw them if they don't like it or think you don't have what it takes. Those who know you in real life know you have it, and those of us here are here cause we want to be, whether you stick to it or not!!
You do this because you want to - when the fun is gone out of it, it's time to move on...if it's still fun, well, you get my point.... :)
Eh. We all have our mini-breakdown moments. My wonderful mother-in-law likes to say, "This, too, shall pass." :)
I Love the beach but I don't think I will make it this year.
I could have written this post. It think its pretty common to feel that way. Dang girl you don't even look like your in your 30's! Happy Belated Birthday! :D
Hey sweetie. Just wanted to tell you that you've already looked just like a figure competitor...so, problem solved!
Did you do any one-armed exercises for shoulders? I always pullout my neck doing those so I try to avoid doing them super heavy anymore unless I am steadying myself on a rack or something to take my trap muscle outta it. Helps a great deal!
Don't worry "who" you're going to let down about the figure shows...its better to concentrate on what you really want. I sorta when through a period of "I'm not going to compete ever again" but it was all my fault with the diet at that point and now I'm 100% clean eating. No cheats at all. Its weird because I can easily will them away... So you've probably just strengthened your willpower by having that meltdown--I had a pretty heinous one too!
All you need to think about is this: "Make Everyday Perfect." Don't think about tomorrow think about the next three hours and waiting for the next CLEAN meal...it really works for me to self coach myself like that. Even if it sounds ridiculous!!!
You've got an AWESOME body...so don't let anything negative come between you and that mirror!
Hugs,
Jodi
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