Happy Halloween Everyone!!!

Well im trying to get by with not eating any candy....last night i made up little goodie bags (with 2-3 pieces in each bag) I made up 80 bags and i still have a ton of candy left! Whatever is left over is coming to work with me so they can eat it here...i will just save some reese peanut butter cups home for Adam...they are his favorite :) I had a baby bag of M&ms while making the bags up....i figured they would be the "healthiest" of the candy...LOL!

On the fitness front....monday...legs, tuesday...chest....today....biceps and abs...tomorrow...back and abs....friday....shoulders....saturday....triceps....

Sunday i have my girlfriend's 35th birthday brunch/lunch....eating is going to be tough that day too! I can't wait until im back with Tony so that i can be more focused and strict again...he is going to be so surprised when i tell him that i want to compete....im sure he will be able to get me where i need to be! I just hope i can do it....i look at all of these girls who compete and if they can do it i can too....i think im just scared of getting out there in front of strangers in a bikini!!! That is what is freaking me out....you have to remember....i wont even wear a bathing suit without shorts..EVER....and years ago, even when i was thinner, i would wear either shorts or a shirt over my bathing suit....and im going to the extreme of wearing one IN HEELS on STAGE!!! The dieting and the workouts i can handle....the fear of the show is what i cant believe im considering! AHHH!!! But i want to do this....i need to do this....for me! I cant wait to pick a show to do!!

On the wedding front....i have my fitting on the 6th and a cake tasting on the 8th. Im waiting for my proofs to come back for my invitations so they can be ordered.

Angelica's birthday is Friday...she is going to be 9 years old! God, time flies so fast! I have been with her since her 3rd birthday...and even though im only a step-parent, when i look back at pictures of her and see how much she has grown, i get those "she is getting so big" thoughts of sadness and how wonderful she is. When i think like that, it makes me want a baby....but then im around other peoples kids and i dont anymore...LOL! Instant birth control!!!! And besides being a step mom im also a wonderful mommy to my doggie and cat....and they love ya no matter what...and dont answer you back! LOL!

im here

Lets see...what is going on??? Well i ordered my invitations and my matchbooks and napkins for the wedding and i got my bra for my dress. I have my first fitting on November 6th. The thing that sucks about that is the balance has to be paid in full at the time of the fitting and the alterations (which could run from 175-275) have to be paid in full too ---IN CASH! WTF!

On the fitness front....workouts going great...food is good....the only thing im "cheating" with is popcorn..... i cant stop eating it for some reason! But if that is the worst thing im eating, i guess its not so bad....oh and i had a mini bag of M&Ms yesterday :(

Me and April are going to the Arnold at the end of February! Im so excited!! I get to meet April finally!!!! YAY! I hope Jamie Eason is there...i would love to meet her!

I have a lot of work to do..both with myself and for this wedding....i was getting down on myself yesterday. I was thinking about my body and how i should be looking by now...and i shouldn't look the way i do! I should be at my goal weight or at least a lot closer than i am to it....i dont know what it is...im having such a hard time....my eating isn't horrible by any means...and i work out every day during the week and either saturday or sunday. I should be a lot better than i am....my weight flucuates up 2 pounds down 2 pounds constantly...its starting to piss me off! At the beginning of the summer i hit my lowest weight so far...114.5! I was soo excited. Then vacation came and it seems that after that, i haven't been able to get my weight down again...now lately its been 117....i need to lose this weight and be at my goal or at least 112 or 110 by February! Its not a lot of weight to lose at all...but why is it so hard? I really think all it comes down to is more cardio....and if i am going to compete next year i better get used to the extra cardio...i really need to bust my ass the next couple of months...i haven't even taken progress pictures because im not liking myself....but one good thing...when i went to get my bra....instead of a 34 i got a 32! That made me feel good....but i still had to get a D! I was hoping to lose some of my "girls" since losing weight!

Ok...im off to eat my salmon and salad :)

this and that

Yay! its friday! Finally....well my 4 days of no carbs went pretty good i think..i lost 2 pounds...but the good part of losing the two pounds is that im due for my "friend" today or tomorrow so im usually a big bloated mess...and im not :) Which is wonderful :)

Workout today was biceps and triceps....yesterday was chest...wednesday back and abs, tuesday-shoulders, monday-legs..(i dont know why i just went backwards..LOL)

Anyway...last night i went to my moms for dinner....she made pasta for everyone except me...i had tilapia and a little bit of salad....then my mom (god love her) but she goes and makes those Betty Crocker Chocolate Chip Cookies (ya know the bag mix that you just add eggs and oil and whatever else to)...they smelled sooo good...so she made cookies for absolutely no reason except to have something for a snack....which is sooo wrong....of course my sister didn't mind because she is pregnant and doesnt care..(now you know why i have food issues) But even my mom who is supposed to be on weight watchers and pays for the damn thing every week...i just dont get it. Oh and then i first got to my mom's she was watching "the biggest loser" from two weeks ago that she had on DVR...and i think it was one of the girls on the black team was saying how she used to diet all the time and never made any progress because all she did was sit on the couch and complain about being fat....to which my mom says "that is my problem, i have to get in the groove and start walking again but i just sit on the couch"....my response?? Well dont talk about it...just do it....there is absolutely no reason why you cant walk for 30 minutes a day! (Please take into consideration that my mom is not obese or anything by any means....but she wants to lose about 20 pounds or so)...stop bitching and do something and stop eating COOKIES!!!!

Why i get angry is this....that is how i used to be....i sat on the couch and complained.....and cried...and now since my whole mindset is different...i dont complain...(well i do a little bit..LOL) but i am still working out 6 days a week and eating clean and i will get the body that i want....i know how long it takes and how much hard work goes into it...but that isn't an issue anymore.....now its all about improvement...pushing myself more and more..constantly making better choices and feeling better about myself....never in a million years would i have ever thought that i would be getting up and going to the gym every morning at 6:30 and packing my food, and having work people make fun of all of my containers...don't get me wrong...i still have a long road ahead of me and a lot more fat to get rid of...but im doing it..no matter what....

And another thing.....to compete....never ever in my crazy head of mine ever thought i would be able to compete...now that has changed also..and getting my butt on a plane by myself to go to the Arnold?? That is a HUGE step for me...i never do what i want to do...and this is a big deal and i am SOOO doing it and its going to be great....and i get to meet my girl April..FINALLY!!! And Im sure i will be meeting many more people who are going there too!!! I cannot wait!

Wedding stuff....my wedding venue has changed....Les who runs Colleens where i am having my wedding bought a new place which is closer to me and he is redoing the whole place over. So i wont have to worry about:

1) Finding a place to take pictures (the original place didn't have a place to take pictures so i was trying to find a hotel with a nice lobby to use and just book a room there so it wouldn't be a problem)

2) Its a lot easier to get to...especially at 6:00 on a friday during rush hour traffic...

3) I think it comes with a complementary bridal suite and a honeymoon suite.

So my only worry is just making sure that the construction will be done!! He promised me that it would be....

Next up...i have to order invitations this week...im glad i picked them out already..that was a pain in the ass...then i have to go and by my undergarments because i have my first fitting next week....

this wedding planning crap is for the birds....its a pain in the ass...it really is....i knew we should have just went to the bahamas...LOL!

Ok, i think im done...

Surprise!

I got a phone call last night....Tony called me! He wanted to check up on me to see how I was holding up! That was soooo cool! He is so inspiring...the 10 minutes i was on the phone with him gave me a more positive mindset! He asked me if i was staying positive..i told him sometimes...i said "that is what i had you for"...LOL! I told him i would be back after the wedding and to get ready to train me to compete! He said i could definitely do it!!!

Well that was my excitement for the week...LOL!

I was trying to figure out plans for the Arnold in February...every hotel is already booked and i dont know the area to stay far out of the area...something has to be figured out soon i guess....apparently everyone already has made plans!

decisions decisions!

I just got back from the gym...i did an hour of cardio on the treadmill! I had to get my ass back in there....i feel like a cow...weight was the same this morning but i just feel blech! So i did an hour and honestly, i do not know how you girls who compete do all the extra cardio....your legs must want to just fall off! The balls of my feet were killing me! But i better get used to it..i am going to do double cardio as much as possible from now on....one because i have my first dress fitting in two weeks...second because the holidays are coming and i just think that there will be no way around it but to dedicate myself to going above and beyond! I am going to ask Adam to make sure that my butt gets moving...i want him to give me that push...even when i am tired and dont want to do it....i need to do this!

The weekend went by in a flash...again. We had Angelica from friday which was nice. We really didn't do much at all though. Tonight is my brother's birthday. My mom is having the family over for dinner and cake and stuff...Im not going for dinner though. I can't...i am not going to destroy whatever gains i made today in the gym by going there and eating whatever she made...and as far as cake goes? None for me thanks. I cant do it....i have very little willpower, but what i do have, needs to be used tonight. I feel bad not going for dinner...but what am i missing??? Meatballs and sausage...shrimp and rice...roast beef sandwiches...and god knows what else! So i will make my chicken and my broccoli and be done!

I think i have made a decision.....and since i am typing this for all to see, i think that i have made up my mind....i think i want to compete...there...i said it...now you all have to hold me accountable...LOL! After the wedding in February and the honeymoon...etc....i can have my Tony back...and i am going to look into the schedules to see what show i can possibly do...and for more motivation...I (well really me and April) have decided to go to the Arnold in Ohio at the end of February! If that doesn't motivate me...nothing will! I am sooo looking forward to that!

On that note....i am going to start dinner...and i desperately need a shower!!!!

Ciao!

WTH!

Things are the same here....i am going to the place im having my wedding tonight to go over all the stuff...times, colors, cake, etc....fun stuff....well adam doesn't think so, but i do :)

Workouts going good....

Monday: legs
Tuesday: chest
Wednesday: shoulders/biceps
Thursday: triceps/abs
Friday: back and abs

I have workout sheets everywhere! I really have to get organized and put them all into the binder....im such a slob!

Here is a picture of me and Adam from the wedding we went to on Sunday...



I was reading Monica Brant's email that she sends out...i cannot believe that she didn't even place in the top 6 at the Olympia! She is incredible...i dont know how she didn't place! I guess all the younger gals are moving on in.....that sucks!

weekend wrap up

I haven't had a busy weekend in a while! Friday i was off from work...i had a dentist appointment at 10:45 which kinda killed the day...i was going to go into work afterwards but it was silly to go to work at 1:00, so i ran some errands and that was fine. Friday night my girlfriend Krista had a skin care demonstration. The lady was really nice and i can't even remember the name of the stuff, but she was going on saying how everything was natural and hypo-allergenic and i said to her that i have really sensitive skin and i break out very easily and she said i wouldn't. Well she was passing stuff around for us to try and she gave us this stuff for aging for our necks and face...she said "just put a dab under your chin and your neck"...well i did.....about 20 minutes later, i started itching...and low and behold....a big pimple popped out on my chin! That fast! I wasn't going to buy anything because im poor but thank god i didn't because i would have broken out from it!

Saturday, i had to make a fruit tray in the morning to take to a party, which we were late to, but it was nice. It was Adam's boss's kid's birthday. Eating was not good there.....

Sunday, i had a wedding. One of Adam's friend's got married. The place was beautiful and it was a nice day, but again, eating wasn't good....this is why when you are dieting and trying to be good, you have to be a hermit! You cannot go anywhere!

I was exhausted when i got home...it was only 8:30, but it was a long day..and a long weekend....

Today was legs...and i really hit them hard...i was all wobbly and shaky afterwards! I love it! But i probably wont be able to walk in the next day or so!

Thursday i am going to the caterer to get things finalized with times, colors, etc. That should be fun! So then i can order my invitations. Things are coming along! But time is flying!!

Tuesday

Yesterday was 4 months to the day until my wedding....i cannot believe how fast it is coming...and my guest list is growing somehow...which isnt good.

I had my boss's father's services yesterday. So we all left work at 11:30 and the services were at 1:00. We got back into the city at around 2:30 and i went back to the gym and did 45 minutes more cardio! My legs are dead! So dead...i dont know how the girls who compete do so much cardio every single day! Adam said, well if thats what you want to do, you have to do that much cardio...that is what it takes! I said i know, i know...i could do it if i really was going to compete and i had a goal of a show.....but i know that is what will help me get my weight off...so whatever extra cardio i can get in a week the better. I can tell you one thing...I slept great!

I have Adam's boss's daughter's birthday party on Saturday and Adam asked me to make a chocolate covered fruit tray to bring to the party. Then on Sunday, I have another wedding...this time its Adam's friend...so he gets to put out the money for the gift! And i am wearing the same dress that i wore to my cousin's last week. Which by the way, i will post pictures from as soon as i download them off the camera :)

Workout:

Monday: legs

Food: M1: post-workout shake
M2: oatmeal/egg whites
M3: protein shake
M4: salmon & string beans
M5: coffee , ff fudgecicle

Water: 84ozs


Tuesday: Shoulders/biceps

M1: post workout shake
M2: Egg whites/oatmeal
M3: protein shake
M4: Tilapia/string beans

That is all i got right now :)