show

well today was the show that i was supposed to compete in....i went to see prejudging because i never saw a show in person..i wanted to see what it was all about. And it really opened my eyes! I dont want to be negative or anything, but there is not a shot in hell that i am going to be ready in 42 days!!! You can see every little jiggle and wiggle from the audience....and im not getting on that stage not ready! and it is gong to take time...a lot of time....

So we will see what happens....a part of me wants to compete and another part of me just wants to be happy and fit and feel good about how i look...and eat bad every once in a while and not feel so god damn guilty about eating a cookie!

I have some thinking to do......get my thoughts together and decide what i want to do!

weekend

Weekend was nice. Friday after work (1/2 day) I decided to try and go to the DMV and get my name changed....after waiting an hour i get up to the counter and they tell me they need an original marriage cert. not a copy....i was so aggrevated! So i walk down to City Hall to get a certified copy...that wasn't a problem...on the way back i tried to go to Social Security that was worse than the DMV! So i left there and attempted to go back to the DMV...it was more crowded then when i left....needless to say....i still have my maiden name.....

Saturday....my birthday......i had to do 2 hours of cardio and my bicep/tricep workout...i got up and did an hour.....then ate breakfast because i was starting to get the shakes from not eating....digested and then went down and did my arms and then the second hour....it was bad...but not that bad...if i wasn't so hot, i probably would have been in a better mood.....then we went to my parent's house for dinner and my family was there. She made me ravioli and gnocci. So i had two ravioli and some gnocci and a meatball...a little bit of wine and salad. Dessert...my sister made the gooey butter cakes (Paula Deen) they are the best brownie/cakes in all the land!!! I kept picking at them..i dont know how many i had...and a piece of ice cream cake....yum!!! i was so full and sick! My body cant eat like that anymore! But it was a treat and i loved it :)


Me and Adam and Baby Nicky!

Me and Alaina and Nicky

Baby Nicky :)

Sunday was Angelica's dance recital...i got in trouble by the announcer for video taping her performance....LOL! OH well!!!!

That was my weekend!!!

Today i had chest and i got up and did EMC at 5:00! Thanks April for the wake up call!! I had the phone up real loud and it scared the crap out of me!!!! LOL!!!

Alright...im out!

all better

Got my "friend" this morning...with a vengance! Sometimes being a woman sucks!!

Today is my half day from work and i am going to go to the DMV to get my name changed..finally..its only been 4 months...

Tomorrow is my birthday.....36...wow! What to eat for my cheat meal???? Now that i get to be bad, i cant think of what i want!!!! But definitely ice cream cake :) But in order to get my cheat...i have to do 2 hours of cardio prior to my meal! fine! I will do it...i need to burn more calories anyway!

still waiting

Nothing yet....but i am feeling a bit better today. I emailed Tony and i told him how ive been feeling and how i haven't done any extra cardio.....he made me promise him that i will do the cardio.....so i did......now i will feel extra guilty if i dont do it....LOL!

I want that fire back.....i want that win attitude again....i dont know where it went...but it better come back quick.....5o days to go....thats not long at all!!!!

But i got one weight off my shoulder...i finally finished sending out my thank you cards for the wedding....its a little late, but im lazy.....LOL!

im alive

Im here....im alive....just in a funk of sorts.

I have been extremely tired, headaches, nausea, lightheadedness, heartburn, dizziness....yes i sound pregnant....i will let you know if i am in a couple of days....LOL!

Wouldn't that put a damper on me competing???

I think i would have a heart attack....and so would Adam!!!

I am still working out everyday...just no extra cardio....it sucks! I am just so over tired...i am falling asleep before 9.....i cant stay awake! Im either pregnant or i have a disease!

stay tuned.....

time flies

Well its tuesday already...i have such a headache right now....i hate when i feel crappy!

Well the weekend was ok.

Friday night i made dinner for my family..i never have anyone over my house because im lazy and hate to clean and cook...LOL! but its nice when i do it because it gives me an excuse to clean well :)

Saturday didn't do much....saturday night took a ride over my mom's house. Adam had to go into work so me and angelica hung out with my mom...

Sunday....worked out (did saturday's workout) and then cooked my food for the next few days and then went over my sisters for dinner...i brought my own food.

Yesterday was legs....maybe one day i will see my hamstrings underneath the blub!

Today was shoulders! I love shoulders....again, maybe one day the muscles will show through....

Im just in a funk. I feel like i should have been doing the june show and im not and now i have to work my ass off throughout the entire summer for the August show. And what im worried about too is the fact that the show in August is the Tracy Greenwood Classic (Delaware State Open) and all of her "girls" i think are out of Delaware! So i dont know if i even have a shot in hell.... but i guess its not about placing for my first show...its just getting on the stage. That is the most important...so that is my goal.

April is going to wake me up in the morning to help me get up for EMC. Hopefully i will remember to take my phone in my room with me ;)

I just want to notice some changes in my physique. I feel like im just staying the same. I really need to get in as much extra cardio as i can...that is the only thing that is going to make a difference.

My birthday is coming up in two weeks....i cannot believe i am going to be 36 years old. I never thought i would be 36....LOL! But it is going to be a year when i am going to look the best that i have ever looked! So that is my light at the end of the tunnel......

do you think i can have a piece of birthday cake??? How bout just a bite or two???

I will have to check with Tony to see.....god knows how much extra cardio i will have to do to make up for that! LOL!

oh its on!

I have to post again just so i dont see those pics when i log on...i dont like them and i have such a long way to go. I will do this, this is my goal...but just looking at those pics, i know how far i still have to go.

I miss my motivational MS. APRIL!!!!! Come home!!!!!! She is my sanity through this...and yes, April, something must be done about setting up wake up calls for me in the morning! I cant get my fat ass out of bed!!!!! So you have to start calling me!!!! LOL!

I went to my mom's last night for dinner. I haven't been there for dinner in forever! But she was making turkey and i could eat that, so me and adam went there for a bit. My sis and her hubby and the baby were there too so it was nice. But i didn't get my cardio in....i suck! And then i wonder why i look the way i do!


Why do i always feel so guilty about things? One of the girls at work is having a happy hour at her house tonight...and i dont want to go but i feel bad not going. First off, i think only the attorneys are going, secondly, i cant eat or drink ANYTHING there and thirdly, i wont get home until probably close to 8 and i wont get to eat or do my cardio....i know im more important than going there tonight but why do i fell bad? I need to stop, i know it, but i hate this feeling of letting people down or disappointing them....it is such a bad quality that i have...always worrying what people are going to think or say...Tina, i know you are with me on this!!!

I just hate this! I know what i have to do, but i feel bad not going! I suck, i know! But i have to come first, and do what i want to do....

Anyway....i have 5 more weeks added for my comp date and i am going to be ready! This extra time will hopefully help me get where i need to be!

It's on baby!!!

well

I had a conversation after sending Big T my pics and he wants me to hold off on my show for a bit.. Well I knew that already....my butt still has a while to go...LOL! But i will get there and i know he will get me there. He has no doubts that i will be on that stage with the total package, ready to win....well i will be happy just to get up there....that is my win...my goal.

I got my 2 piece suit back on saturday. It is beautiful! And she sent my one piece, which i didn't think i had a shot in hell of fitting me, actually fit perfectly! Love it. It is going to look awesome when its all stoned....so i have to change my countdown....August it is! And i will be up there ready to rock! The show is August 9th.....so its not that many more weeks....gotta get my ass movin! Beleive me it will be here quick!

Here is a pic in my suit...please dont mind my ugly face...it was saturday morning with no makeup...LOL!




<