im soo bad

Well i went off schedule a little bit this weekend. It all started on friday because i was off from work and i had to finish the favors for the communion and make my fruit tray etc. Well i got a late start (of course) and i ran out of time and i didn't make it to the gym on friday. Then friday night i had my mother's retirement dinner which i ate not horribly bad (chicken with crabmeat and shrimp), a half glass of wine, 2 fried calamari rings...and coffee...no dessert.

Then Saturday we had Angelica's communion. I was bad again....chicken marsala, salad, side of pasta.....and a few cookies.....

Im coming clean with you guys cause the guilts are killing me. I did tell Tony earlier in the week that my weekend was going to be bad and he told me to just drink as much water as possible and eat as clean as possible....

I have to be extra good this week......maybe extra cardio too!

my perfect day

Did you ever have one of those days where everything goes the right way? Well that has been my day today! I had off from work but i still got up at the same time and went to the gym before 7:00 am. Left there, and went to the bank, starbucks, the social security office(my handbag was stolen years ago and my card was in there and i never got a new one...and i need a new one for marriage licence). I was home by 9:40 or so. Then i made breakfast, stopped at my mothers, then i went to the mall to find an outfit for Angelica's communion on saturday....which i thought was going to be a nightmare because i hate buying clothes! Well, to my surprise, i actually found a few things that looked kinda good on me! I guess when you are eating right and exercising, dressing rooms and trying on clothes isn't a horrible thing! So i bought two outfits...and by the way....i tried on a pair of capri pants and the size 6 was too big so i bought a 4! Which even made my day BETTER! Then to top it all off, i went in Macy's to try and find a pair of shoes to go with the one outfit....found a pair, on sale and i had a gift card, so they only cost me 10.00! Yay! The only downfall to my day, which isn't even that bad, was my dentist appointment which cost me $250.00...but i was expecting it so it didn't matter.

Now, it is just about 3:00 and i am going to go and tan, and then clean my bathroom and then cook dinner!

I just hope Adam doesn't come home miserable and ruin my mood ;)

I wish everyday could be this wonderful....but then that would mean that i didn't have to go to work everyday...which would never happen..unless i hit the lottery ;)

1/2 pound

Well i only lost a 1/2 pound! Little down about it but its my own fault. I guess my little "no no" nibbles here and there make a difference. But in all actuality, i feel leaner and i think i look a little leaner too. But who knows. I have to take pictures this week to send off to T, so hopefully there will be a difference there. I hate the scale...i know its not a good thing to depend on it, but it is a crutch. I asked T if i would be able to weigh in every week instead of every 2, but he said "only if i can handle it"....meaning he probably doesn't want me to but if i really want to, i can. I dont know what to do.

Bought my chicken and fish for the week....its soooo nice out...i really dont feel like being inside cleaning but this house is horrible!

the fun never ends

well tomorrow i weigh in. Im not feeling too good about it though. I am a slave to the number on the scale unfortunately and if i didn't lose, im going to be upset.

I have so much crap coming up and a lot of it is revolving around food which is making me crazy too. Next Friday, my mother is retiring from her job so we are taking her out to dinner, and then next Saturday is Angelica's First Holy Communion, and we are having a party afterthen, Saturday night, my girlfriends are going out for my friend Sherri's birthday...im not sure if im going to that but i may.



But the hard part is going to be me doing all the favors for the communion. I dont think anyone knows but i have a side business. I do chocolate covered fruit trays and candy trays and favors for parties. Well im doing the favors and they all have to be done everynight this week and then on friday night or saturday morning i have to do the fruit tray. The good thing about doing the chocolate is that i don't eat it at all....strange huh? I guess from doing it and smelling it, i dont ever have a desire to eat it. Once in a while, i will have a chocolate covered pineapple or apple but other than that, i could care less....thank god!



Oh and i still dont have an outfit to wear to the communion, or to dinner friday! I need to go shopping....especially since the pants i have on right now, i can actually pull down without unbuttoning them!



oh here is a picture of me with my girlfriend Diana's twins that i went to visit on Saturday. Man, does she have her hands full...lol! They are too cute. I didn't know who i loved more!

Week 9 begins!

Today i begin week 9. I cannot believe that I have been working with Tony for 9 weeks already! Time flies when your having fun i guess! I have a weigh in on Saturday, which i hope is good. Especially since it will be two weeks since my last one! I should take pictures too for the end of week 8. I will see.

Workouts have been great. I continue to try and add weight for every exercise and try to push myself out of my usual range...even if its only for 4-6 reps.

My pants are really loose and that makes me happy. I may finally be able to stop wearing this size altogether!

I remember reading April's post of when she tried on a size 4 and they fit....when that happens to me, i will probably cry from happiness in the dressing room....lol!

Oh and the nicest thing happened to me yesterday at the gym....there is this woman that i see all the time, we just say hi or smile to each other, well yesterday, she stopped me and told me how great i looked and that she could really see a difference in my body since i started. I said "really???" and I think i thanked her a thousand times!! I was smiling for a while after that.....someone saying something so simple can mean sooo much to a person. She totally made my day :)

Monday Blahs

My weekend was ok, except for the fact that i didn't go to the gym on saturday. I went to see my girlfriend who had twins so i was there the entire day on saturday and i was exhausted when i got home. I planned to make it up and go on sunday, but it was so crappy out, i just said screw it and i didn't go. But, you see my fellow friends, that is my problem....a few weeks ago, i NEVER would have thought of missing a workout! What is wrong with me? Why am i losing my focus and my drive??? I really need to think more positively and get more strict with myself. I was trying to analyze myself this morning and figure out why....well, i think one of the problems is weighing in every two weeks. I can't do it mentally. Because you know what im doing? Im telling myself, well i have another week to be good, so i can eat this little piece of _____, and i promise i will be good the rest of the week" Do you see the problem???? My old mindset is slowly creeping back in! I emailed Tony and i told him i needed a pep talk today! I cant go back to my old way of thinking...Im doing really well....when i weigh in on Saturday, i want to be down a few pounds, especially since it will be two weeks since my weigh in. Does this happen to everyone? Maybe its because im eating the same exact thing every single day.... I dont know. Its something, i just dont know what it is. Now, don't get me wrong, im still doing my workouts and im focused with that....im going up in weights on most exercises...but that desire to go that extra mile...to go back after work to do more cardio....that is where im lacking.

This has to stop...now.

YUM

My sister bought this new Crystal Light flavor...Cherry Pomagranite....so i took one to try it out....it is super yummy....i can't stop drinking it....well, 1-2 a day. You must try it!

Where is the sun???

Where oh where is spring???? I need sunshine and warm weather! I am tired of this cold dreary, wet weather!

It sucks so badly going to the gym at 6:30 in the morning in cold darkness!

Anyway...Im getting my hair cut tonight..i can't wait. It is really getting on my nerves. I haven't got it cut since January and all of my layers that i had are gone and its all heavy and long. Not that im taking that much length off, but it needs to be thinned out!

I need clothes so badly. I wanted to go to the mall last night but i got lazy when i got home and didn't feel like moving...and then it started raining so it was definitely out of the question. So, instead i made my chicken and string beans for today and watched stupid American Idol. I really need to learn to cook in bulk more. It would make my life so much easier. Does anyone make their eggs ahead of time? And for how many days? That is one thing that i do every night. The oatmeal, i do every other day cause im afraid its going to get funky.

Today was chest and biceps. I enjoyed pushing myself again but i wonder how long it takes to go up a level? Example...(and dont make fun of my low weight) my high on the incline chest press is 75. I tried to go to up to 85 and i couldn't budge. But i wonder if i didn't do it as my last set, would it have been as hard? I had to do 4 sets....so it was 55, 65, 75, 75. Is that ok? Or should it be something like 55, then try 85, 75, 65? Im not sure.

I am woman.....hear me roar...LOL!

Yesterday morning, on the subway, on my way to the gym, i was getting sad. I don't know why, but i just felt unmotivated and lazy and cranky and i wanted to glide through my workout and not even put any umph into it. Just "go through the motions" as some say. Well I got to the gym and after my warmup, my workout was Back and Abs. So i started my back workout and something in me said to just push myself. I thought of Tony talking to me, telling me that i could do it and to push forward and so i did. I made myself go up in weight on every exercise. It was WONDERFUL! Then, he added in between, a run(jog) for 4 minutes. I covered the time on the treadmill and i ran my little heart out for the whole 4 minutes at 6.0! I felt great! I have never done that.

My whole outlook changed from negative to positive in a matter of an hour. I think what was happening had a lot to do with my cheat meal on easter. I felt like crap the whole day and i felt bloated and gross. I was losing my motivation and my reasoning for why I am doing this in the first place.

I am doing this to better myself. I am doing this for myself and no one else. I guess eating crap for one day made me lose my focus.

I can see now, how the "old me" would just quit and went back to my old ways. But the "new me" pushed through when I saw my faults and I realized that I wasn't going to let that happen again. I will reach my goal. I will look the way i want to look. I have the power to do it and I will make it happen!

i hate(love) cheat days

Well actually i did enjoy it a bit too much but my belly didnt take to well to the abundance of food and sweets.....i was in pain all night.....i do not know how people eat that crap every day. Now that i am eating clean, putting my body through eating crap just isn't worth it to me. I overindulged since it has been 8 weeks since i have had anything remotely bad in my system and easter just put me over the edge! Do you know what i want for my next cheat meal??? Sushi....that is all i want.....

I had my weigh in on saturday....my weight was the same.....119.5.....i was a little disappointed since i had did 2 no carb days thursday and friday.

I have to talk to Tony to see about losing more. Actually i have to start doing more cardio...which i dont want to do, but i know that will help.

Hope everyone had a happy easter, got all the easter candy out of the house and is back on track! Damn the easter bunny....lol

where is my head?

I hate when i forget things. I swear sometimes if my head was not attached, i would leave it at home. I was on the subway when i remembered....i forgot my protien powder w/glutamine and the shaker bottle at home! I was soo pissed. so today after my workout, i didnt have my shake. not a good way to start off a shitty rainy wednesday!

And i dont know if its the weather getting nicer but the gym is starting to get more crowded in the morning....and im not liking it one bit! When i have been going in the morning, there are like maybe 8-10 people in there including me and the workers. Its wonderful. Now im starting to see more people....on my machines and in my way....lol....

I need my own gym.....oh that is what i should do! Open a gym.....that would be wonderful! And then i could hire trainers who actually know what they are doing when they help people! Sorry, i hate Ballys....i really do.....and there is no where else to go.....which sucks!

Since im constantly looking for changes in my body, what is really pissing me off is my little pooch belly. Not the top, just the bottom part. Will this fat ever go away? And also the fat on my back, and my thighs...etc..... no seriously, i want a flat stomach more than anything. I know it takes time.....I want my stomach to look like Amy's! Is that too much to ask???

i get a cheat meal

I emailed Tony and i asked him if i was able to get a cheat meal on Easter. He told me yes and that i deserved it !!!! YAY......Not that im going to go crazy and eat shit all day, but my mom is making pineapple stuffing and sweet potato casserole.....yum....i would not have been able to get through that dinner without having some....and now i can!



I went for rings on saturday but i have to go back on thursday to see more. The jewler had some things for me to see but she wanted to get a feel for what i liked and now she does so she will have more to show me.



I also had to change my wedding date! which really sucks. I was originally having it on February 8th but its the first friday in Lent....easter is really early next year. so now i have to go with the week before.

My sister found these really cute bridesmaid dresses in a book. they are black with pink....we are kinda going with a valentines theme since its in february....



i dont know what they will look like in person but they are cute in the pic....













On a different note....my damn pants are falling off of me!!! not that im complaining....lol

i did it!

I made it.....im in the teens! 119.5! yay me! ok, i will write more later :)