I was looking at myself in the mirror this morning after my workout. And do you know how they say that you are supposed to look at yourself in the mirror and say positive things to yourself? Cant do it...I cant....all I see is negative...but I try and put a positive spin on it in my head. And then I tell myself that if I just ate exactly what im supposed to then maybe, just maybe, I would see the changes in my body. Because I can see things...I see muscles popping out underneath the fat. And I know its not my lack of workouts...because my workouts are always great....its food.....and I could always add in more cardio...but that is another story ;)
Im learning that it all comes down to what I shove in my face. That is what is hindering any progress that I am making.
Why does food have such a control over us all? I mean, I honestly think that if I did exactly what I was supposed to eat 100% of the time, I would look amazing! And that is what makes me sad. Because I have fucked up so many times and just let food and situations control me instead of me controlling the situation. I am weak. I admit it. If its around me (and it always is) I still have that frame of mind that “one ___wont hurt me” when in fact, it is all that I do..over and over, and its such a horrible habit that just needs to be broken.
Why is there this need to eat crap? When afterwards you feel like crap for eating it and you feel guilty for eating it. So it’s a lose, lose thing and yet everyone does it!
I am supposed to be 11 weeks out...haha is what I say! I have so much fat on me still. I cant see it happening.
If I can just get the diet part down it would make such a difference. I need to stop looking at food as a want and just look at it as a need. Only clean foods are going to get me where I need to be. I need to remember that.
So what else is going on?
I have to go to a jewelry demonstration tonight...I looked at the website..the stuff is expensive! I may just get a pair of earrings or something!
My brother-in-law’s grandmom passed away yesterday. The services are Thursday and Friday. So I took off on Friday to go to the funeral....and what was the first thing I think of? What am I going to do about eating? UGH!!
Tomorrow is my nephew’s 2nd birthday :) We are going over my sister’s for dinner and then on Saturday is the kids party.
I guess that is all that is going on in my little world :) Oh, and the ovary pain is starting to hurt again! I don’t go to the gyno until may 10th!
Well that is my tuesday update :)
4 comments:
I hope things go well for you on all fronts.
GOOD LUCK and don't be too hard on yourself yeah
:-) :-).
Matt
We share so many of the same thougts it's scary! From the just one -----, to the whole mirror thing (ugh). 11 weeks. You can do this, Ang! I am routing for you! Xoxo!!
Ang - what show are you doing again? Are you doing the Indianapolis on June 12th?!
I hear you on this. The food makes all the difference. Honestly that is the only thing I changed since my October comp and the pounds were just knocking at the door ready to come back on - and yep, they all did, plus 2 extra. BOO.
The control that food has over us is AWFUL. I am just like you when it comes to food. What we know and what we do are two totally different things. Hang in there girlie!
I think what a person needs to do is not feel as though they're banned from eating "crap." I decided last year that I'm not going to forbid myself to eat anything because all that does is make me feel like I'm not fully living, I'm just existing. I just have to trade in one thing for another. If I have chipotle then I cannot have my flax bread, or whatever. If I have a mocha then I can't have this or that. It all pretty much amounts to the same thing really. Once you realize that you're allowed to have some stuff you'll just be like "Eh maybe tomorrow" or something. Just don't tell yourself that food is evil and you wont feel so guilty when you have it. You're not cheating, you're allowing. There's a huge difference. Once is negative and the other is not. I allow myself things all the time. That's how I've stayed lean all year. I cannot believe it but it works really well. I'm the type though that has to stay lean all year or I can't do shows. It's just too hard otherwise, but I'm actually happier this way because I get to have stuff I like to eat, I'm leaner which is fun because of clothes and feeling good, and my life in general is great. One mocha or one cookie is not going to ruin your entire progress...and if you're to the point where you cannot have one scrap of something bad then you should take more time to lean out than just the typical 12 weeks. I plan on starting my prep for August toward the end of this month just so I'm not hauling ass to lose 10 lbs.
ciao bebe
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