Well its monday already...weeks just go by so fast anymore....
Feeling pretty good today....saturday and sunday...not so good. I was just getting down on myself again for not doing what i should food wise again. I do this to myself all the time. I am constantly fucking up and blaming other circumstances on it. Then i am constantly comparing myself to others. I look at pictures of people who are further out than i am show wise and they look 1000 times better than me, and i get upset and depressed and want to give up. Yes, i know i need to stop comparing myself to others, i am me, yadda, yadda, yadda.....
I was talking to adam about this...he thinks that i put this time frame in my head and if im not where i think i should be that i think im bad. I just see that deadline and not just doing what i need to do every day. Im looking ahead too far...either saying i have plenty of time or whatever but really i dont. I do that every time..you would think that i would learn????
He thinks im not doing all that i could be....and deep down i dont think i am either. He said if i want this bad enough that i will do whatever it takes...because the girl standing next to me on stage did what she had to do.
He has given me so many pep talks over the years and he is always right. I dont give myself enough credit for one, and i dont push myself as much as i should. Positive and negative. I think that its hard for me to progress somewhat because i can only do so much in the gym by myself. I can only lift so heavy without someone to spot me. So that is an issue too.
I need to change things up a bit....i want to take some classes at the gym to shake things up...kickboxing or spinning or something....
So that was this past weekend.....and i got my period yesterday too...so i know where all those thoughts were coming from.....LOL! ..but today, i was feeling a lot better! I got up, did 20 min on the treadmill this morning...went to the gym and shredded my legs...food was 100%...came home did another 40 min cardio on the treadmill...ate, went to my moms to see my nephew...came home and now im going to do the stepper and some abs...then bed!!!
I hate complaining....i really do. I chose this..i love this sport....this is what i want to do...and if i love it so much then why do i sabotage myself constantly??? That is what i keep asking myself? Do i think that i dont deserve it? Do i think deep down that i will never be able to look like i belong up there? Yes, i think that is it.
Another thing that adam said to me that stuck with me after i said i should just quit all of this not compete anymore and just work out and eat decent and just be normal....he said to me "you look good, you look better than most of the girls around here."
That is when i said "im not content with looking ok...i want to be better than that!"
So I guess i just answered my own questions, huh? One part of my head knows it....and so does my heart....my heart just has to win :)
4 comments:
we all look at pics of other girls "so many weeks out" and i think wow i wish i had that much muscle, my ass looks that nice or i was that lean! it normal! but like you said we set these goals!! we have x amount of weeks to do it in we have both done it before and know what we need to do to do it again but do we want it bad enough???? i do!!!! you???? we have a short amount of weeks we have to give it 100% angela!!! you with me or what girl! oh yeah and i started my period today too wich i hope hope hope im not on my period on may 29th umm cause today is the 29th too!
I felt like you were writing about ME! Every single thing you wrote is true for me too...I also look at the goal date and think that is it and forget about the little steps each day to GET ME THERE because I am SO IMPATIENT and want it NOW...so you are NOT alone in this way of thinking. If we all can admit to ourselves (and our peers) that we have some things to work on...I think it'll be easier to try and fix. Way to go for being so honest and writing about something that most of us are probably feeling/thinking! You'll do GREAT! (I think I'm going to be doing the Tracey Greenwood show too for fitness! It's 2 weeks before Team U so I want to have a run through for practice!!!)
I love it when you post from your heart, Ang! I always feel like you are in my brain! LOL! I think a lot of us feel this way, I know I do. We just have to keep pressing on and try to keep the goal on the forefront of our minds... which is tough for me... because sometimes when that cookie is in front of me, or something interrupts my schedule, I forget about the mini steps and do the wrong thing.
You'll get there! WE'LL get there! We just have to DO IT!
XOXO!!!
You know the person you want to be and you know the things you need to do, but sometimes it is a situation for some where you create a barrier that seems like you can't break it down.
Sometimes people may even think going that bit further might take them to a place that's not as good as they think, or carries more risk.
Maybe some people even start to over analyse and believe that to push for more carries risk that isn't there.
I have almost never used spotters, never found it a problem. The more you understand yourself, the more you know you can cope in a given situation.
You know how far you've come and how much you cna do. You are a wonderful personality, beautiful married Lady and a GOOd athlete.
Comparing to others is acceptable within limits, as is using them to define how you wish to be, so don't necessarily be too hard on yourself for certain actions and feelings.
you are and always will be human. You think, you analyse, you question, you explore, which are great qualities and I believe that deep down, all the good things people have said in the past on here, you understand and do feel and I know you ARE capable fo being what you want to be.
Being afraid to possibly fail is good. It stops you being overconfident and prepares you for any knocks, but there's a fine line between being mindful of the possibility and turning into a reality that overshadows success.
You can only do your best and be your best. These things are so hit and miss, because they change the rules and regs and criteria so much, you could potentially never have the same thing twice in a row.
You're a human being and a heck of a good one at that. Strong, yet a little vulnerable at times perhaps. Intelligent yet humble with it. Sometimes complicated but othertimes simplifying it down to ground level.
Whatever you do do on stage, you will never be less of a person than you are, I'm sure of that.
You're everything you need to be, to become everything you need to be. You're a very powerful self and no matter what, you can be so incredibly proud of the person you are as a whole.
If you can learn to truly appreciate the very best of you and the best you can be, you will have made such a difference to the way you think and feel about yourself.
Don't force yourself to be what you want. Choose to feel it and live and breathe it naturally. Don't give it sharp edges, just smooth it out and love it for all that it repesents and is worth.
You're Angela. It's not perfect, but some could call it beautiful in many ways and incredibly likeable and you have the ability to be your own biggest compliment.
GOOD LUCK and best wishes.
:-) :-).
Matt
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