Hi all...i have so much to write about....from my show experience (yes, just like my friend April...I too came in last place) to posting the few pics that i did take (which are basically the same as April's) along with doing a review of the samples that i received from Vitalicious and another product review of Newman's Organics!
Honestly...right now i dont have it in me.....
I had a cry fest after seeing my pics (please dont even go look for them...they are horrible)....adam had a long talk with me...and a lot of what he was saying was true.....it takes time.....time to build muscle, time to get rid of all of the fat that i have on my body....i have come a long way.....i know that...but it still sucks! I still worked hard.....and for that i am happy.....i had a wonderful time with April....she is my right hand and i wish we lived closer!!!! I got to meet Genie (even if it was only for a second ;)..LOL) She is too cute!!!
The whole competition experience is wonderful....i love it....as exhausting as it is, i love it! I love the fact that everyone who is there has the same outlook....the same goals written on their calendars....some are more competitive, of course, but most are there to have a good time and to strut their stuff on stage! You dont see anybody being catty or mean. Im glad that i have had such a good experience with that.
I have a lot to work on......and i have two sides to me.. the angel and the devil...one side says to go for it and try to be the best possible me and work hard and dont stop and strive or top 5 at a show....and then the other part of me (the negative me) says that i will never be able to place or get where i need to be so why even bother??
Im torn......do you quit something you like to do because its hard and dont know what you can accomplish at the end or do you push yourself and make yourself into something that you want? Yes its good to have a goal...but what if that goal is something that you could never attain? what if you go through it all again....and you give it 110% the whole time and still dont end up where you should? Is that worse than not doing it at all? Is just wondering if you could do it enough? Is failing at something you want so bad worth the pain afterwards?
The past two shows i have done to get my feet wet..to get the stage experience....and i didn't care how i placed...i did it to hang out with my friends and to make new ones....but when you see that last place standing...it kinda sucks.....and i dont want to be there anymore....so again...do i hang up my hooker heels and say it was fun, or do i get back in that gym and build myself a body that deserves top 5???
that is the question i keep asking myself......
9 comments:
You know what...I saw your prepping pics with April and thought to myself "MAN, Angela has really come a long way. She looks so great"
I know all about being hard on yourself, practically wrote the book BUT you have done amazing things with that body of yours! You inspire so many others and you should feel accomplished!
B
i emailed you
Yes it does take time to be really honed, but even if you for any reason, couldn't kickstart your athletic career, the conditioning alone, would be so beneficial in later life, so don't ever give up on making more of your genetic gifts.
You have proven to people, you are capable of getting to the point where you go on stage, without bottling it weeks away. You're a beautiful, healthy married Lady, but until you realise the sum of your parts, are greater than the whole you think you are, you will never do anything but keep competing and spend good money, to drift through a load of comps, most of which are only slightly more high profile than some of the novice events.
Trust me Angela, you CAN do this, but it does take time, patience and understanding of yourself. Go easy and take time to reflect on the amazing thing you just did.
You ARE a good athlete, and deserve to mix with other similar people, but ultimately nobody can force you to continue doing something, with mild end results, when you are caapble of better and can do that.
You have plenty of time to keep working on this, and produce better end results, that will help you, so don't give yourself such a hard time, keep pushing and GOOD LUCK.
:-) :-).
Matt
This is exactly how I felt after the Arnold Amateur...I saw those picts online and vowed right then and there to never compete again and I won't. Ask Tina, I was flipping out. The lightening is so harsh and u can have zero flaws. I just got sick of beating myself up on a daily basis when I look better then I ever have in my entire life and being on stage starved and dehydrated and it still wasn't good enough...when does the madness end? When do we finally look in the mirror and say you know what, I am totally badass...not perfect and I may not win a trophy but wow, I rock :)
You rock Angela no matter what you decide...just remember if its not fun, what's the point really? :)
In my books you are a winner Angela.
You have come so far and accomplished so much! Just like your journal name it is a A Work in Progress. Each time you compete your body gets better and better. Sending HUGS
Hi Angela,
Congrats to you on a job well done! The POINT of the whole thing is to have fun, is it not?
The competition is nothing more than the Grand Finale of your journey. The journey IS the reward...
and that's what life is... ONE BIG journey! That's what living is.
Hey, how many people do you know that have run a marathon just to do it? Lots of people! There are several people in my family who do marathons... just to do marathons...just to beat their time, just to challenge themselves, just to give their day some meaning, just for the comradarie...sp?.....just for the sense of community. Just to be part of that particular club.
Not one person I know actually goes out and expects to win a marathon, then doesn't do it again because they didn't win.
You either enjoy it or you don't... and there is no sense doing something that you don't enjoy.
It's definitely ok to explore other avenues as well. Never feel like to "should" do it, or you "ought" to do it...
This is YOUR life, and you can live it on your terms!
I am proud of you, Angela.
Hugs!
~C.
This is your life, your decision and I don't think that anyone should persuade you otherwise. My opinion is that and really doesnt count! I say, if your heart is in it and you are truly giving all you have...if you are doing cardio like you should, if you are lifting those weights and doing those reps until you can't do any more, not just lifting 10 lbs and calling it a day, if you are eating like you should, then I say, keep going. But if your heart isn't there and you aren't following the plan, if you're sneaking twinkies after you eat your chicken and broccoli, if you lift the minimal amout of weight and never push yourself, if you only do half the cardio you should, then I say, just meet your friends on a beach somewhere and have a girls vacation!!!
The point is, if you're truly doing what you should do to prep for these comps and you love it, keep doing that. It does take time to build muscle. It does take time to lose fat. If you don't enjoy it and you're not doing what you should be doing, then you probably shouldn't do it anymore.
I hope you find the answers within. You are too hard on yourself sometime. It's good to keep yourself in check, but don't beat yourself up. And you know what, you may not have placed, but you got up there. Give yourself credit for that:-)
I am proud of you, Angela! You have done something that I have yet to accomplish. You made it! Setting a goal and seeing it thru to the end rings volumes!
I don't know what to tell you to do in the future, but be very proud of your past accomplishments.
XO
Really and as I have not guessed earlier
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