where do i start?

I cannot believe how fast the time just goes!  It is just insane!  I feel like I just blogged and its already over a month!

So what has been going on?  Honestly it’s the same crap every day.  

My 39th birthday was at the end of June.  I still cannot believe that im that old!  Anyway..hubby got me the Kindle which I love!  And a new camera :) I needed a new camera badly!  Had a cheat meal on that day ( It was a Tuesday) and I had my ice cream cake too :)

Well since I cant go back and remember the past month, I guess I will just stay with the present...  This weekend adam had to go away for work in Indiana...which really sucked cause I wanted to go so I could see my bud :( But I couldn’t go....so I was all alone.  I went and visited my family down the shore on Saturday for the day (oh, yeah, they got a shore house for the month of July but because of the dog we cant really go and stay with them...I cant put the dog in a kennel and my parents are usually the ones who watch him).  Went to the beach and the to the boardwalk. I went on a few rides with my nephew and I bought him a hermit crab :)

Yesterday was a very busy day...I got up, ate breakfast, went to walmart, bj’s and got gas then headed home.  I had to cook my food for the week (well probably until Wednesday or so).  So I cleaned and cooked all day...I was exhausted by the time 9:00 came around...and I was done!  I watched True Blood and then hit the hay!

This morning I got up and I did 35 minutes on the treadmill, then got my food together, walked the dog and headed out to the gym for my leg/butt/calves workout.    It was a great workout!  I was soaked!!!  

what else???

Well im not sure who knows, or who even cares to know..but I joined Team Bombshell a while back!  I absolutely love her style of training and nutrition.  I am actually having trouble getting all my meals in.  

But, like all plans, I have my issues with being able to stay strict and eat clean everyday.  I struggle so much with the nutrition aspect of ANY meal plan, no matter who the trainer may be.  Which is why I still look the way that I do.   I am a perfect example of self sabatague.  Whenever I feel like im doing well, I talk myself into “well I deserve this”...well you know what?  I don’t....I deserve to look like a competitor, not like a frumpy mess.  I don’t ever give myself enough credit.  I think I am so afraid of what I might be able to look like if I just did what I was supposed to.    When am I going to say enough is enough...I have been failing every time I try and do something....I need to trust the process....and its not like they don’t know that im not doing what im supposed to be...they do this for a living....they know what works and what doesn’t.  So I cant be properly judged and have changes made if im not doing what im supposed to be doing.  

I try and write down what I eat...but I run out of time.  I get so mad at myself sometimes.  I need to focus on me and not what everyone else is doing.   And I start to get to the point where I don’t want to even tell anyone that I work out because I don’t even look it!

So im going to just stop talking and reading and everything else and just do.  One day at a time, one meal at a time.  I want my trainer to be proud of me and I want to be proud of myself!  I will never know what I can become if I don’t let it right?  

My friend Tara said this to me:  Angela, do you honestly think those HUNDREDS of girls have something you DON'T? Not a chance. Far too many of them up there for you to be counting yourself in some other class or something. Half of 'em probably don't even have your good genetic shape, either. You don't see it. I do. I want to smack you sometimes! It's ironic how you see that...and I SO do not! The A class needs some real competitors, too...so hurry up and get in there. Your age is just when you were born. You look nothing like your age, so your body is just young on top of being a great shape. Go after this. Don't regret not doing this! xo!!

And she may be right....yes I do have a lot of fat to lose, but I do have a decent shape I guess?  I mean I have the boobs and the butt ;) Now if it was all tight and tiny...then maybe we would have a winner ;)

So I talked to Shannon about doing KY Muscle again and she thinks that I can get there and do well...but I have to really step it up...no more cheats, nibbles, etc.    I have to put it all out there.  

April talked to her too about doing it....so now im telling you Ms. April....we got 18 weeks...lets show them what we got ;) We can do it..... I need to do this...and to do it right!  

So once again....let the games begin!  T minus 116 days and counting.......