I don’t even know where to begin...its been such a long time in between posts.
Work has been really busy lately too and I just run out of time to blog.
As always, im not where I want to be body wise. A part of me feels like such a failure. Not being able to be what I know that I can be. And then on the other hand, I am in acceptance of it and I want to be ok with not looking the way that I want to.
Every year it’s the same thing. And now, we are in the 9th month of the year and im no where near where I should be. I wanted to compete in June..that went out the window...then I said November and by the way that I look right now....there is no way in hell I can get where I want/need to be. It is all my doing...im not putting the blame on anyone but myself.
Anyway....I have to look at things in a better light...im happy, I have a wonderful husband, step daughter, fur babies, family and friends. I have a job, a house, a car and im healthy. These are the things that matter. Yes I want to get on stage and I want to look like Ava Cowan or Nicole Wilkins. Yes I want to look down at my stomach and see abs...not a roll...yes, I want no cottage cheese on my butt/thighs.....I digress.....anyway, you get the picture.
I love working out...and for the most part, I love eating clean. Yes there are times when I want to devour a whole brownie pan, but, I feel so much better when im doing what I should.
Having a positive mindset is probably the hardest thing to do. I try to actually talk to myself and give myself a pep talk...telling myself that I deserve this, I am strong, powerful, I can get through whatever obstacle I face. But I don’t believe it. And there lies the entire problem.
For example....I sent my weekly progress pics to momma....with a paragraph of basically saying that the pictures are bad, I made too many mistakes this week...blah blah blah....her words back to me??
“You have to either decide that this is a LIFESTYLE and you are changing for GOOD - OR you have to learn to be happy to live the rest of your life heavy. The choice is YOURS.
I want to see a BIG change in attitude this week. You need to care enough about YOU to make a change.
What's it gonna be?”
So there it is....my attitude is bad....so then my outcome is going to be bad. Im just not a positive person. Im always so negative about myself *(you can even see this in the above paragraphs).
So anyway.. Onto another issue.... I need to rant about something. There is this online “trainer” who thinks that he knows it all and feels the need to bash and talk about other trainers and their training philosophy. I don’t get it? Fine, maybe you don’t agree with that person’s training or whatever but to mock and to say that these trainers who train 100's of girls, don’t know what they are doing and he does? And to post it on facebook? Come on! Grow up! It just pisses me off. So the trainers who have dozens upon dozens of girls who are pros..they are all wrong??? So all of these IFBB pros who still do 2 cardio sessions a day along with their weight training while going into a show...they are all doing it wrong? So when Nicole Wilkins is doing 2x50 or 60 minute cardio sessions a day going into the Olympia...she is wrong too??? EVERY SINGLE pro that I ever either read an article on or see an interview with all say they do between 30-50 min of cardio a day....even in “off season”....Gina Aliotti still does cardio 6xs a week and she isn't even competing right now!
I really hope that I dont offend anyone by this.......these are just my thoughts.....I do feel better now though :)
10 comments:
Angela, Hang in there. You have the desire and obviously the knowledge, it will take time, don't be hard on yourself. It takes dedictaion and a lot of time, it isn;t an overnight progression. Iam sure you will be able toget there one day. I didn't start competing until I was 47 years old!
Kristy
http://readyin5weeks.blogspot.com/
No one knows your body better than you do, and you have to do what ever it is that feels good and right for YOU! There are so many nay sayer's in this world, what works for one doesn't always work for another. Just do what you do, and everything else will fall into place. Stress has a negative effect on ones body too. I have suffered from the post comp depression for way too long and I finally decided to take control again and things are FINALLY starting to feel right after over a year. :) You've got this!
I'm not offended by anthing you say Angela, because you ARE a wonderful, wonderful human being and you are a true gift to the world and those around you.
You've said exactly what you know to be true. I could reiterate what you said, but there's no need.
You know what you need to do and you know how it cna be done.
This blog is a great source of support, encouragement and understanding. Perhaps if you keep the communication on the blog as frequent as possible, you'll increase your chances of success.
Hang in there and don't worry. I wish you could truly understand the person you are, because in this troubled world, inner beauty is a increasingly valuable commodity and you don't need to put yourself down, because you have so many positives in your life that you DO deserve and you DO deserve to be up on a stage with other people, because you DO belong there and yes, competing is not the be all and end all, but knowing what you are capable of and have done before, means you can do it again and can be up on a stage once more.
The world deserves to see the passion and artistic merit in a body like yours and you deserve to show the world how amazing you can be.
So I'd suggest to try keeping all the sources of support, encouragement and belief from other people close and frequent and don't stop believing in yourself, because your family believe in you and plenty of people you've never met believe in you, including me.
We'll probably never meet in our lives, but I've never put belief in people I thought couldn't do what they claimed.
You've done it once and you can compete again and prove you're not a flash in the pan athlete, but a true blood competitor with the heart and the ability, to make people want to use you as a rolemodel and someone to look up to.
Be your best, but most of all be you, because the world deserves you so much Angela and everyone who cares about you deserves you, because they have proven they do and also because they want to give you a few kind words and a bit of compassion.
If you ever need to rant at a compassionate person, without dumping on those around you, e-mail me at ml.sd@lionrampant.co.uk anytime you like.
Chin up Angela and best wishes. You define what being human is.
Take great pride in that, because you CAN and no matter what you write, I always admire it because it isn't always positive, but it comes from a wonderful place. Your heart.
GOOD LUCK in everything you do :-) :-).
Matt
Welcome back Angela! I've missed you! I know about that being hard on yourself thing. I was NEVER this hard on myself as I've been post-comp! It's no fun! I'm slowly working my way out of that but from what I hear it takes about 2-3 years to get back to some kind of normal.
For me personally, I don't do anywhere near the cardio I used to do. Not even close. My main reason is the wear and tear on joints because I'm so OLD! Haha! But like others have said it's up to you and what makes you feel good. To each its own. If you like the cardio and it helps you stay on track and keep your body looking and feeling the way you want then cardio it is.
Glad you're back here and I hope you find peace with your body (and mind) soon! BIG HUG to you!
Angela, I will never be a perfect blogger either. We just do the best we can. The reason why we blog isto get these feelings out...it doesn't matter whether the thoughts are good or bad. You have to express your feelings somehow in order to get on with the business of life. The most important thing is that you are aware of what you have to do:)
Amen girl :) Did you read my recent post on acceptance and self love ? Certainly many can identify with you, I can, that's why I love your blog and you too! I love how Mama bomshell gets to the point. You do have so much to be greatful for... I think these things too, but atleast for me if I am not giving me the time to take care of me in a way that makes me feel bright and energetic, I am not fully happy. Maybe find what it takes to make you feel good about you today and build on it. Like before you go to bed think about what you could do that will make you feel good in the morning. In the morning think about one thing you could do throughout the day that would make you feel good. Just my thoughts. You are a beautiful woman whether or not you ever step on a stage again. LOVE HER!!!!
I have a problem with being negative. I am trying to change that but its hard when I have been so mean to myself for all these years.
Let me know if you figure it out before I do.
I completely understand where you are coming from. I'm living in a body that is foreign to me. I look at it repulsed, having to go clothes shopping yet again for sizes I have NEVER purchased before. I keep saying "on monday" I'll do better...I'll do better for a day or two, but then I succumb to poor choices, never any consistency in good choices to make a dent in the weight that I so desperately need to lose. There is NO WAY I can find happiness in myself at this weight. I find myself avoiding social situations, beach invitations with friends, etc. all due to my uncomfortableness at this new weight. Yet, I still can't FIND the gusto to push thru to find the smaller me inside here. Sorry I'm not much help. But I understand.
Hang in there!! Don't beat yourself up! All things in good time - like Kristy said, it takes dedication & time - it doesn't happen overnight!!
T.
I personally think you need to want to look like Angela Cherry, she's hot too ;o). I think sometimes you need to distance yourself from looking like someone else. You really don't know what they do or have done to get that appearance, yanno? You're gorgeous too. And honestly, regardless of what they look like...your leaned out self is going to be just as stunning even though you don't look just like Ava. It's nice to have role models but it's torture to try to workout so you can look like another girl. I tried that for years and failed. The eating thing is hard for most people, really hard for me. I have an all or none type of situation. I either have to be super dieter or super crap-eater. I just know I feel better when I eat better. I try to focus on how I know I'll feel awful if I eat a certain way.
You can train your body to be able to eat higher calories, you just have to do it slowly...like +25 calories/day each week...that way it's not total excess. I've somewhat done that. Because otherwise I feel starving.
Most importantly, enjoy what you do. Know that you look good the way YOU are. Sure other girls are hot but you are too. There's no competition.
BTW I started a WP blog if you wanna tune in XOXO.
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