Well Im back at work...blech....back to the grind!
today was back to the gym and back to packing up all my food for the day. I did legs this morning and it was looong! I have to do some plyos when i get home tonight because i ran out of time. Along with my cardio :)
Biggest Loser starts back up again tonight! I cant wait.....i love that show!
I stunk up my house so bad cooking on my indoor grill last night...my hair stunk, my clothes....i had to open up the front and back door to get air circulating and to get the stink out ;) I wish it was warm enough to use my outside grill still :(
Im still thinking about what my goals should be for this year....i want to try and do short term (monthly) and then my goals for the year.
I got on the scale this morning....i shouldn't have..but i did.....i need to hold myself more accountable...and i will be sending off my weekly pics again to Gen. I need to....i think a big reason of my weight gain through november and december was due to the fact that i didn't check in at all with my trainers...mentally i knew i was being bad and i didn't want to be reminded of it..so i just didn't check in. And the result of that is me being a meatball right now.
Adam had to go to Louisiana for work this morning :( The only good thing that comes out of it is that i can take my time when i get home...i can do what i want to do...i can take down the decorations, do my cardio, or just lay around if i want ;) Dont get me wrong, i miss him terribly when he is not around...but sometimes its nice to just do what i want at my pace :)
I was going to go to my sisters house tonight...usually I go there on Tuesdays...but i didn't bring enough food with me for one, and the other is that my mom is making chicken and dumplings (which I love) and i cant be around it...i know me...even if i had my food with me, i would want to "taste" it....so im taking myself out of that situation.
I still have so much guilt when it comes to being around my family. Like on Sunday...they were all going to be over my sisters for dinner....my family and nicky's family...the menu was: spiral ham, potato salad, stuffed shells, salad and string bean casserole. Now, none of that was on my plan and i really didn't want to go there to eat any of that. But because i felt bad not seeing anyone on new years day, i went...and i ate things i shouldn't have...just because i felt bad. What is wrong with me??? But this is what goes through my head...i have this constant fight of what i should do and what i want to do. And what I "should" do usually wins....but in that mindset, i make food choices that i shouldn't be.
Im rambling, i know....but this is how my brain works....i guess its the Italian Catholic guilt..LOL!
I hate me sometimes! maybe one day i will live my life for me....and not do what everyone else wants me to do!
2 comments:
The thing is that you can be brave and live your life for you more :-), because you CAN have that control and break away from some of the commitments and expectations placed upon you.
Some people might initially find it difficult to take, when they occasionally get a polite snub, but it would be a learning curve for all concerned.
It might seem like a daunting thing to do, but only when that first step is taken and that first polite "no thanks" or "I can't sorry" is instigated and stuck to, not backpeddled on, will it hopefully get easier.
Also look at it from another viewpoint. What people want you to do and what they feel when you can't, might be the same thing, I.E. what's best for you.
The fear of upsetting people sometimes, might potentially be a mirage or an illusion conjured up in the mind and whereas actually making a poilte snub might be taken with bad grace, it might also be taken with good grace, so there might be every reason to not assume, such actions will always promote negative responses.
There is a balance between yes and no with other people, but if such people can't take any kind of no at all, then they have the problem not you.
There's always going to be plenty of time for others, but there should be the right balance of "you" time as well, because you deserve that and because you're worth it and when as you described, a yes to something means a negative outcome, it means yes to others and no to what's best for you, so you're then becoming a people pleaser, potentially out of fear of being perceived as selfish, or being rejected by those too selfish to cut you any slack.
Ultimately only you can decide what's best for you and what's right, but when you're doing things as a result of potential people pleasing, that are negative for you, you're not being fair to yourself and it's your right to be fair to yourself and caring for yourself in the way(s), you most want to.
GOOD LUCK with what you're doing right now and best wishes Angela, because you are a truly lovely and endearing person and nobody and nothing will change who you are deep down, unless you let it / them.
:-) :-).
Matt
I avoided the scale like a plague for the past two months! I feel your pain!
T.
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