Well my day started off ok....went to the gym this morning, had a great leg workout had a PR on the leg press of 365lbs...which made me happy....
So every morning, after I leave the gym, I call my mom as I walk to work. We were talking back and forth and she was telling me how when she saw the baby (my nephew) he didn’t want anything to do with her because he probably associates her with her watching him so if my sister or brother-in-law is around he doesn’t bother with my mom...and she gets all bothered by it....so I told her, that when I saw him on Friday, at first he didn’t want to be bothered with me either. So her response was “well that is because you never see him and he doesn’t remember you.” I said, yeah that is what it is, he doesn’t remember me because I haven’t seen him in 4 days!
So now I start to feel bad.....so I say “so you don’t think that I have enough guilt about not seeing him more?” She said well when was the last time I saw you? I haven’t seen you either in a week! I said, yeah, like its done on purpose! I just don’t have time!
So I go on to explain AGAIN how hard it is for me to do what I need to do when I get home. I get home from work at about 5:45, then I get changed, hop on the treadmill for an hour, which now means its about 6:45-7:00, then I have to cook dinner, eat, clean up. By that time, its almost 8:00!
then it turns to this:
MOM: “when is this going to end? Are you going to even going to do this show in September?”
ME: What do you mean? Its not going to end. This is my life...not to this extreme but I don’t even know if im going to be able to be ready for September still...do you realize that I don’t even do a quarter of what I need to do? I should be doing so much more than what I do! I am only doing an hour now....I should be doing a lot more!
MOM: well I can see you exercising and all but to stop your life? Its just crazy! That is all you do is exercise!
ME:` Well it wont be this much all the time, but this is what I need to do.
So anyway...needless to say, I feel so guilty and horrible like im a bad person for bettering myself. Because in their eyes, im crazy and obsessed and don’t care about anyone but myself etc.
So I get to work, and I call Adam....and I start crying when I am trying to tell him.
He tries and listens to me and tells me this:
So let me get this straight....because you don’t want to go there after work, eat the bad food they prepared, sit there for the next few hours watching a 1 year old crawl around on the floor and then have coffee and cake afterwards, you are the bad person?
Adam said: you have to understand something.....your mom and dad don’t work, your sister is off all summer, Nicky’s parents don’t work....and they are all overweight.....why? Because they do nothing! All they do is sit around, order and eat food that they shouldn’t be eating and then have dessert too.
They cant walk up the steps without getting out of breath! Yet, you somehow feel bad for not seeing them?
When are you going to realize that they are the wrong ones and you are right? And he also added “you do realize that they think this is all because of me right?” They think that I make you do this.” Which, they probably do think that way, but that is totally wrong!
**********
So yes, I feel guilty still. Why? I don’t know. Part of me thinks that maybe this is a stupid life and goal and that I should spend more time with them like im supposed to. But I think that I think that way because that is what they want me to think?? Does that sound right?
I feel like that if I don’t get on stage in September that they are all going to think that I did all this for nothing again...that I wasted all this time and got nowhere. I know that is what they think now....that I am wasting my life on the treadmill (as my sister says)....that I will never be what I want to be....they think im fine the way I am....why am I doing this? Im not fat, etc. Im crazy, etc.
They just make these digs....like I was on the phone with my sister and she said to my nephew “its aunt Angela...you remember her right? She is the one that never comes and sees you.”
*******
I don’t know what to do? There is only so many hours in the day.....and I have to figure something out....its so hard to please everyone...it sucks!
Im trying to live for myself and yet, I am always worried about pleasing everyone else. It is a horrible vicious circle.
So every morning, after I leave the gym, I call my mom as I walk to work. We were talking back and forth and she was telling me how when she saw the baby (my nephew) he didn’t want anything to do with her because he probably associates her with her watching him so if my sister or brother-in-law is around he doesn’t bother with my mom...and she gets all bothered by it....so I told her, that when I saw him on Friday, at first he didn’t want to be bothered with me either. So her response was “well that is because you never see him and he doesn’t remember you.” I said, yeah that is what it is, he doesn’t remember me because I haven’t seen him in 4 days!
So now I start to feel bad.....so I say “so you don’t think that I have enough guilt about not seeing him more?” She said well when was the last time I saw you? I haven’t seen you either in a week! I said, yeah, like its done on purpose! I just don’t have time!
So I go on to explain AGAIN how hard it is for me to do what I need to do when I get home. I get home from work at about 5:45, then I get changed, hop on the treadmill for an hour, which now means its about 6:45-7:00, then I have to cook dinner, eat, clean up. By that time, its almost 8:00!
then it turns to this:
MOM: “when is this going to end? Are you going to even going to do this show in September?”
ME: What do you mean? Its not going to end. This is my life...not to this extreme but I don’t even know if im going to be able to be ready for September still...do you realize that I don’t even do a quarter of what I need to do? I should be doing so much more than what I do! I am only doing an hour now....I should be doing a lot more!
MOM: well I can see you exercising and all but to stop your life? Its just crazy! That is all you do is exercise!
ME:` Well it wont be this much all the time, but this is what I need to do.
So anyway...needless to say, I feel so guilty and horrible like im a bad person for bettering myself. Because in their eyes, im crazy and obsessed and don’t care about anyone but myself etc.
So I get to work, and I call Adam....and I start crying when I am trying to tell him.
He tries and listens to me and tells me this:
So let me get this straight....because you don’t want to go there after work, eat the bad food they prepared, sit there for the next few hours watching a 1 year old crawl around on the floor and then have coffee and cake afterwards, you are the bad person?
Adam said: you have to understand something.....your mom and dad don’t work, your sister is off all summer, Nicky’s parents don’t work....and they are all overweight.....why? Because they do nothing! All they do is sit around, order and eat food that they shouldn’t be eating and then have dessert too.
They cant walk up the steps without getting out of breath! Yet, you somehow feel bad for not seeing them?
When are you going to realize that they are the wrong ones and you are right? And he also added “you do realize that they think this is all because of me right?” They think that I make you do this.” Which, they probably do think that way, but that is totally wrong!
**********
So yes, I feel guilty still. Why? I don’t know. Part of me thinks that maybe this is a stupid life and goal and that I should spend more time with them like im supposed to. But I think that I think that way because that is what they want me to think?? Does that sound right?
I feel like that if I don’t get on stage in September that they are all going to think that I did all this for nothing again...that I wasted all this time and got nowhere. I know that is what they think now....that I am wasting my life on the treadmill (as my sister says)....that I will never be what I want to be....they think im fine the way I am....why am I doing this? Im not fat, etc. Im crazy, etc.
They just make these digs....like I was on the phone with my sister and she said to my nephew “its aunt Angela...you remember her right? She is the one that never comes and sees you.”
*******
I don’t know what to do? There is only so many hours in the day.....and I have to figure something out....its so hard to please everyone...it sucks!
Im trying to live for myself and yet, I am always worried about pleasing everyone else. It is a horrible vicious circle.
8 comments:
that's a bummer that your family is giving you such a hard time. in my family, we do a dinner every sunday evening so that we can all see eachother at least once a week. try doing something like that maybe? also in regards to your show, instead of wondering if you will be ready I think you need to make a goal to yourself to just do it. If the time comes and you don't feel your ready, then you don't have to do it, but if you are wishy washy, you won't push yourself to your limits because there is always the thought of possibly not doing it. Go for it girl, you have all the tools and i KNOW you can do this!!! good luck!1
I agree with Nerd...
Everyone catches a little flack when they take on this lifestyle and you have do to what makes YOU HAPPY. AND, might I say that not seeing your family every week doesn't make you a bad person!! At least you talk to them on the phone and what not..AND, everything Adam said is right. It might be the harsh truth, but it is. They need to accept this like it was a career choice - if you were that prize straight A student who moved away to law school in NYC or something, they'd never see you either. If this is what you do, then it's what you do. They should accept it. If they had hobbies of their own, perhaps they wouldn't be sitting around waiting for you to come and visit, or notice that a week had gone by since they saw you...
You have to stay positive about yoru show in Sept. You said it yourself hun, you're not doing what you need to, and if you wanna get on stage, you're gonna have to pick it up and do it! You've done it before, you know what it takes. I am rooting for you!
Hey there Angela,
I am with Nerd Girl and Becca. You need to get rid of this "what if I don't make it" attitude and start thinking about "when" you make it to the show - otherwise your training will suffer!!
With regards to your family - I copped the same with my first show. The whole "we never see you", "when are you going to stop this?" etc...after they saw my first show the negativity stopped and now all my family and friends are fully supportive of my lifestyle. They understand that I have to train, and I don't miss training for anything! I carry my tupperware containers with my food everywhere and everyone is just used to it now.
I really do hope your family come round too, it's hard when you don't have all the support you want...but hang in there - your blog friends are here to encourage you, and we KNOW you can do this!!
The bottom line is, your goals are not wrong, and your wants are not wrong.
Families in this situation are being selfish, and not undertanding.
They live in the wrong way, and therefore don't understand you, and won't understand you.
You just need to distance yourself from their comments. Family is not a word others can use, to unjustly flog their relatives.
If you have relatives that have affairs, go to prison, have unsuitable lifestyles etc etc, that bring shame, then yes, maybe they need telling they're a let down, but really you're not a let down, so you shouldn't feel guilty for a moment about the way you live.
You are a healthy married person, with a good job and lifestyle and you don't behave unlawfully or shamefully, so you have nothing to feel bad about.
It's just the age old attitude, of "if I don't understand it it must be wrong".
In this case your relatives are assuming your lifestyle is wrong in some way, because they don't live like that, and don't understand it.
You are a grown up with very reasonable wants, not some teenage airhead, with no common sense, so it's your right to live like this, and want to compete.
If others can't understand or fully accept that, then that's their hard luck and if they had to be told at some point, then maybe it would have to be so.
You're doing superbly, and you just need to keep concentrating on your end goals, and not let anyone or anything affect your mindset.
You're doing plenty of things right here, so you have nothing to feel but pride and happiness for yourself and your actions.
Take care and best wishes.
:-) :-).
Matt
Living the athletic, healthy lifestyle will ALWAYS bring negativity from others and confrontation. Family can often be the main source of challenge--unfortunately. You must do what makes you happy and what defines you in YOUR dreams. It's sad, but family can often be the most selfish and inconsiderate. I find this not only with many clients, but I had to deal with it myself when I turned things around in my life years back. You keep doing your thing girl...In your heart it is what is making you happy!
And hey, you're starting to sound just like Tony (LOL). . , "This is my life"...I love it :)
Girl ~ you are in a hard place that many of us get in with our dedication to our fitness endeavors. For some of us, we DO need to hear it; for me, earlier this year and late last year I was in a bad place, obsessing and NEEDED to hear some negative criticism.
But in general most people that aren't as dedicated as we are, will always poo-poo what we do. You just have to become kind of numb to it in a way. Ask them to respect your choices and they SHOULD if they care about you and you aren't harming yourself.....
you know?
I'm thinking of you.
;-)
You know, it's A LOT easier to do nothing, eat whatever, and be overweight...if those family members of course are criticizing you for what you do then its because they chose the easy-way-out! It does get old hearing people gripe about things.
Not to please them, but to better help you, I think you should prep your meals like 5 days in advance. I do that and it helps SO much with having more time. That way when you get home, the meals are ready and in the fridge...once you're done with your 1 hour of cardio at home, just grab a couple Tupperwares out of the fridge, and eat!
I even prep Todd's meals too! It's great because I never have to stop what I'm doing if he's hungry, he just goes and grabs one of his Tupperwares! You ought to try that sometime. Just buy a bunch of those Take-a-longs. I'm obsessed with Tupperware hahah.
I've found that I stick to my diet better when I prep my meals and do my training more efficiently. I've even started doing AM Cardio with a friend! YUP!!! Can you believe that!? I do 1 hour at 630AM and then I got back to the gym at 8pm to do my weights and sometimes more cardio. I've got to up my cardio to 90 minutes now. BARF-O!!! That's alright though, it'll work out fine. ...and this is where the efficiency comes in, I'm going to force myself to do the 90 minutes in the AM so that its already done, and I feel like my extra trip to the gym was worth the gas money. haha. If I trick myself into thinking that things are more efficient, then I stick to the plan. I'm weird like that, I wont stick with anything unless its efficient and makes sense. LOL!!!!
Take care babe,
Jodi xoxo
I'm sorry that you are going through this right now. When my family starts to get like that. I don't argue. I can sense when it is starting to turn bad and I get quiet for a few seconds. I won't say a word. Then I make my escape "I have another call" or "Ok, well, I have to go now...talk to you later" or sometimes "well, I see your in abad mood today. Guess we can chat later"
You have to make the time to do whats right for you. Make the commitment to do something special for yourself. Push harder and when you have a bad day take it out at the gym.
Your lucky that Adam is there is keep everything in perspective for you.
Good luck to you and know that you will reach your goals....you have a good support family on here also. We are always hear to listen even though some may not comment all the time ;)
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