My dad's surgery went well on wednesday...thank god.....he should be released from the hospital today.
Last night i had my hair and make-up trial for the wedding. Both came out really nice. Here is a pic of the back of my head...its not real clear, but you get the idea.....
I have been a little down lately. I think i just have so much going on and im getting a bit overwhelmed...but i think the main thing that is bothering me is my body. Yes, i know i have issues already...but i just know that im so unhappy with my body and im not where i want to be, and im going on my honeymoon and i am still overweight and i ate bad during the holidays which didn't help and i just had a different vision of myself on my wedding day...i thought that finally i would like myself a little bit, that i would feel sexy and pretty and all that, but i don't....at all. In fact, its the total opposite. One part of me is so down on myself and wants to just cry and give up and face the fact that this is the way i will always be...a big fat gross person who doesn't deserve to be a bride and have attention put on her and then go to an island and wear a frigging bathing suit! And to top it off now, because i got my freaking period 3 days early, i will have it through my entire honeymoon! So i called my gyno and asked to get birth control so i can alter my period for next month....but now im scared that im going to gain MORE weight!
Its just a big accumulation of shit that is just taking over and im going to have a nervous breakdown! That's what is going to happen.....i just need to cry i think....then maybe i will feel better......i doubt it though cause that wont make my ass smaller!
9 comments:
I'm going it bullet my post.
1. It's great your Dads going to be okay :-).
2. You're a beautiful woman, with a man who wants to marry you, and doesn't want to run a mile.
3. Nobody is perfect, but almost nobody of able bodied ability, is incapable of doing what you're trying to achieve.
4. You HAVE lost weight, you DO look slimmer, and the impact of lower Blood Pressure, reduced disease risk, better Bone health, will live with you for life, so keep remembering about the inner health banenfits too. This ISN'T purely about getting firm this, and buff that, that's just one aspect of it.
5. You HAVE made some of your goal happen, so there is NO REASON, why you can't physically make the rest of it happen.
6. Your bridal hair is definitely you, and your hubby to be will love it, but he will ALWAYS love you for being you, and when you achieve the physical things you want, he will love you from now until then and beyond, because it's the inner you he must clearly be most attatched to, but it's also because he probably saw when he met you, evidence of the glowing and heartwarming woman you ae today, and he almost certainly won't change his attitude to you unless you give him cause, which I think he won't.
So the main things are you need to keep looking at the bigger picture, and keep believing in yourself, and trusting yourself to do the right things, not fail, and not lose sight of the you you CAN be.
GOOD LUCK Angela, and best wishes.
:-) :-).
Matt
First of all you are far from a big fat gross person. Second it's just the stress of EVERYTHING in your life happening at once. Stop and breathe and enjoy it.
I think Eileen's post was amazing and so true..read it twice.
Loving ourselves as we are is the hardest thing in the world...we always compare and want something better thinking that will make us happy. I am here to say that thin doesn't = happy just like $$ doesn't = happy.
I struggle daily with who I see in the mirror but know the weight loss won't make me love myself more...
Giving yourself credit for all the things you have accomplished thus far and your valued and appreciated support for your fellow friends..those are just 2 things i know and really like about Angela.
AND there is so much more..Angela is beautiful inside and outside.
Remember:happiness is not and never will be a number on a scale...
You have so much on your plate -- it's no wonder that you are having these thoughts. Take a breather, rest, and relax!!!
Great news about your dad.
Glad things went well for your dad.
Man, you are having a bad day.
We all did bad over the holidays, you are only human. You are under a lot of stress right now and I think you should be focusing on your wedding and your new life, you have the rest of your life to work out the issues with our body. I know we can all tell you that you look great and you are not over weight but in your eyes you obviously do, so after your wedding just take some time to get your thoughts together and maybe set some goals for yourself. A wedding is a very stressful thing.
By the way, your hair is adorable.
You are a freaking mess right now with good reason. Your dad's illness and the wedding and it's TOM.
I know it's easy to tell you that you are not overweight and blah blah blah but your head thinks different.
SNAP OUT OF IT WOMAN!!!! When I see you on March 1st i'm gonna punch you in the face if you talk like that anymore LOL!! I'm only kidding. I can't wait though!! To see you, not punch you in the face.
Smile girl, you are going to be the most beautiful bride, and trust me...on your wedding day you will feel like the most beautiful woman in the world no matter what...that is the magic of being a bride, you wake up...doll up...and your man and all of your guests will look at you, and cry tears of joy at how beautiful you are...and you will feel so beautiful, because you are beautiful!! BTW, I love, love, love your updo!! And Damn those hormones, they make us completely irrational!!
:) Tina
It's normal - and by the time you read my message you'll probably have moved on. Gosh darn it, you're going through alot right now and you're only putting more pressure on yourself! Wish I knew what would make you feel better, I don't sorry. But I feel for you!
Sending a H U G E cyberspace HUG to you! You DO have TONS on your plate right now and you just need to breathe. Your wedding day will be one of the best days of your life, and your weight will be the last thing on your mind. Trust me. I was there and I know how you feel. You're marrying the man of your dreams and that will be all that matters.
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