And I dont know if i can do this.
And it is all due to poor eating habits. Nothing else. Workouts have been great....cardio is being done.....its all my diet....and its all my fault....i dont know what to do....i really think im sabotaging myself purposely.....and i dont know why! Why cant i just keep focused? What is wrong with me?
I actually talked to Tony today....i told him what was going on....he needs me leaner....i need me leaner.....
i just want to curl up in a ball and give up....and quit.....
im not....not yet anyway.....but the way im feeling right now, i want to....why does food have a hold on me? Its not like it wont be there in 10 weeks
Im not liking myself.....i want to cry.....but i wont.....and i am not going to fail..i know i will get through this.....tomorrow i will feel better and will be happy and chipper....today...not so much...
so im not going to write anymore....cause i dont want to complain and bitch and moan....
FOCUS is all i need.....and a grip on the crap that i put in my mouth!
Ciao!
10 comments:
Just do what you need to to be happy with yourself :) Eating crappy food will never make anything better!
Hi Angela,
You know I have been struggling with food for the past 3 years. it's all or nothing with me. It's like I don't trust myself or forgive myself and think well you screwed up again and then it becomes bigger in my head than it really is. We tend to lose perspective, we should focus on the progress we've made and how healthy we are. We have to love ourselves inside out first, and then we respect our bodies. Sometimes the pressure becomes an obsession and it turns against us and we forget what's really important to us. Taking a break or choosing to focus on something else is always an option-you are young and healthy, follow your heart.
Ultimately you need to be happy within yourself.
You need to keep believing in yourself, and believing in what you ARE capable of.
Then you need to start seeing each day as if it means the world to you.
Just like all great Olympians do, they almost certainly give 28 / 29 days a month, full dedication and full appreciation, then have perhaps 2-3 days here and there, where they take a little time out, or train a little less, to be kind to their bodies.
You know you're capable of doing this, because you've done it before, but you need to feel like someone who deserves the chance you're aiming for, and who deserves the chance to prove you are not the person you were 2 years ago.
You need to feel like you belong in a sport that DOES deserve you, but do you really deserve the chance and possible good things that could come from it.
You need to feel like you are someone that has a right to feel completely feminine, and completely in touch with your physical and inner self.
You DO have that right.
Do you want to feel as if you have the power to freely express love for yourself, by giving as much of yourself back to yourself, as you do the people and things in your life?
You DO have that power, but not quite the full ability to control and master it yet.
That mastery CAN happen.
Are you someone that can visualise and make that one final step, to the best you that is possible?
You have that right, and that ability to make that step, you just need to find out how, and you CAN work it out, because you have that knowledge tucked away, waiting to be unlocked, but one thing no amount of money to a trainer will do, is give you that answer, and any other answers, to things I mentioned here.
Only YOU can harness the true power and ability of your capable mind, and make good the little things, that are slowly denting your chances, of being even more of a stage athlete than you already are.
You ARE a truly wonderful person, underneath all the minor bouts of self doubt, and emotional flagellation, and beneath that emotional mist that comes and goes, lies a tropical emotional place where Angela lives.
What you want is so close it's almost too close for words, and when you finally find that one little thing, that defines the complete you, from that person with a small unfilled emotional hole, you will have your perfect round peg for that hole.
No matter what me or anyone says, whether you pay them for their good words or not, you and you alone must find the last of what is missing from the complete you, because only you can workout what it is, and what it means overall.
So don't give yourself a hard time, and don't look for a small cloud over that emotional tropical island, look for that last ray of sunshine, and don't be afraid to embrace and truly love the person you are.
You are definitely worth that extra time, attention, love and care for yourself, and you DO deserve it, and what little extra you put in, will be worth so, so much back, you will truly feel richer than any money could ever make you feel.
GOOD LUCK, chin up, and very, very best wishes Angela.
You ARE an athlete of true potential, and have come so far so quickly, and have so much good in your life.
So don't let your possibilities fade away, because little doubts let them.
You're too good for that, and you know it.
Take care and be strong misses.
:-) :-).
Matt
Come on girl! You can do this. You have to really want it though and not be doing it for the wrong reasons.
Don't look at the big picture (10 weeks) just take it one day at a time. 10 weeks will go by so fast and once you get on a roll again it will be easier. I've had weeks where I got off track for several days because of PMS or stress or whatever. But I would stay positive and think about how bad I really wanted to do this again and I would get back on track. You can do it!!!!
Thanks for putting this out here, Angela. It was very helpful, and everything people said was right on target.
I'm struggling with the same issues, and it helped so much to know I'm not alone.
Please keep posting and let us know how it's going.
Keep hangin in there - you are such a motivator for me - one foot in front of the other - thanks for the honesty!
Hey Angela...
Well, what I always ask girls who do these competitions..
1. How important is the competition to you?
2. Do you feel AMAZING when you eat CLEAN?
3. Whay are you competing?
** I do figure as well....I am also a personal trainer/wellness coach. I coach girls with nutrition etc....
It's not easy to challenge yourself for 12-16 weeks dieting and eating like a rabbit...BUT, it's a challenge,and for me, It's a challenge for MYSELF, not anyone I am on stage with..
If you need help let me know...I'm great with what I do.....
:O) Tina
I agree with them all. Girl, you can do this!! Some people are just meant to be extraordinary, some normal. There's nothing wrong with either. I think you will wow yourself with what you can achieve if you just do it!
I don't know how I missed these posts, I don't think my updater has been working lately. Anyway, what they said. REALLY. YOu can do this. Loved Abby's comment about it being easier once the ball is rolling. You've done it before, nothing has changed, you know what needs to be done.
Thanks for sharing about your brother, too. Life is a beast sometimes...
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