Things I want

I cant describe things that bother me into words sometimes. Tonight i went to my goddaughter's birthday party. I made sure that i had eaten prior to me going there because i knew there was going to be food. Well of course there was a lot of bad food there and i didnt eat one thing besides baby carrots and diet pepsi. Now, the conversation turned towards me for some reason. "You don't want anything to eat???" Nope, i reply. I ate already. Nothing? Nope. Im really not hungry. "So, are you on a diet?, which diet are you doing?" "Im doing my own thing" I reply, and i really dont feel like explaining myself but, "Higher protien, no sugar, no white, etc, working out every day, sometimes twice a day" Then i get "well i thought eating a lot of protein was only for people who lift weights?" "I do lift weights" I say. Then my sister replies "I dont know if that is good for you, lifting weights and all, I think that is why you cant lose any weight." Now, i begin to get aggrevated....."No, lifting weights is NOT why, giving up before and eating bad food, is what made me not lose weight before." This is what IS going to make me lose weight and look AND feel better. Trying to explain to people that i just dont want to eat anything makes me look like there is something wrong with ME??? Because im not eating ONE coconut shrimp, or im not eating a "sliver" of cake, makes me the crazy one. Its sooo aggrevating! WTF! Cant i better myself???? Cant i want to make a change in my life for the better???? OH, and then I get the guilt from my father...."you never come over anymore, i haven't seen you" And once again, i have to explain that i dont get home from the gym until after 7 and its too late, and i of course have to apologize, again. This is so ridiculous. I want to be focused, not guilt ridden.

So now, here is my list of things i want (which i will add to as i think of them)

1) I want to stop feeling guilty for not visiting my parents during the week
2) I want to be able to get into great shape and prove to everyone (including myself) that i can do this.
3) I want to see people that i haven't seen in a long time and they say to me "my god, you look great what did you do to get like that"
4) I want to get to a point where a girl at the gym looks at me and thinks to herself "god, i wish i was built like her" or "i wish i had her arms" etc. (which i have said to myself a few times)
5) I want to be able to walk into my gym and the workers say "your here again?"
6) I want to go to a gym that actually has workers/trainers who look and act like they know what they are doing. I have never seen so many people that work at a gym and look like shit ( I go to Ballys....I hate it)

Well im done venting for now. Oh, here is my food intake:

M1: Protein pancakes
M2: Salad with can of tuna, walnuts, ff dressing, 1/2 avocado
M3: Orange
M4: Salmon, mashed califlower, beans
M5: baby carrots, diet pepsi, coffee

Exercise: EFX: 47 minutes
ABS